Was this rude of me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy Saturday at home. This morning, DH went to the gym and I stayed home with DC. I made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, put away laundry, and cleaned the shower (while also taking a shower). Also helped DC with a craft project and facilitated dance music and got snacks. That's all fine -- zero resentment.

DH was gone about 2 hours (about 90 minutes at gym plus getting there and back). When he got home, he took a shower, relaxed for a while (scrolling Twitter and doing some Duo Lingo while lying on the bed), and then made himself lunch. I made DC and myself lunch.

Then DH decided he wanted to watch some This Old House, so he watched a couple episodes on his computer while DC and I hung out and played/listened to music.

Around 2, I suggested DH take DC to the park. I have had a nice day, but was feeling like I needed a break. I also have a small work project I need to finish over the weekend, which DH knows about. So I said "Hey, maybe you two would like to go to the park, maybe take DC's bike and work on riding? I have some work to finish so I could use some peace and quiet in the house."

Was it rude for me to volunteer DH to take DC out? Should I have approached that in another way? He is acting very put-upon about it. They didn't have to go to the park -- it was just a suggestion. I also would have left to go work at the coffee shop nearby, but it seemed like DC needed to get outside anyway.

Brutal honesty here. No offense intended. You sound controlling (I'm a male) and already I can tell you're husband is likely (internally) screaming and he likely dreads being around you.

What is controlling about wanting to share the childcare somewhat equally? If the DH had made his own plan to spend time with his child, OP would not have needed to say anything.

OP's problem is that if she is direct, he gets mad. If she tries to be more indirect, he gets mad about that too. Only being a total doormat and letting him be lazy will keep the peace, but then she'll lose respect for him because he is lazy and ignores his child. There's really no solution other than the DH working on his character flaws.

Look at the OP. OP states the plan was to have a "lazy Saturday." But she procrastinated and didnt get her project done on time. She chased her husband and child out of the house after frittering away most of the day, even though she now says he really didnot have to go. She could have gone to a coffee shop instead.

Instead of admitting that her planning and organizational skills are deficient, her narcissism requires her to blame her husband and demonize him. She pretends not to understand his annoyance at her lack of respect for his plans for the lazy day at home, all of which she told him were "fine."

Does anyone here doubt that she was screeching at him at the top of her lungs when he told her "Fine, go to the coffee shop and I will stay at home with the child while you get your last minute work done?"

I definitely doubt it. She wanted her child to get some exercise and fresh air and work on bike riding skills, and to spend time with dad. Is that so terrible? She didn't fritter away the day, she did chores, made lunch, and took care of and spent time with her child. When the time came for her DH too spend time with his child and to give her a break just like she gave him, he acted like a pouty little baby. Perhaps she failed to anticipate exactly how lazy and selfish her DH could be, but even that is more of a DH failure than an OP failure.

With men like this, you just can't win. They're too entitled and they'll never open their eyes to their own true character flaws.

False. She specifically said she wanted the child out of house so she could finish a work project she had left until the last minute.

She also said if her husband wanted to stay home with the child while she worked at a coffee shop that would be fine too.

It had nothing to do with her concern for the child, but you can believe whatever nonsense makes you feel good.

It wasn't the last minute, it was midafternoon. The last minute would be like, 11:59 PM.

She said in the beginning that she thought it would be nice for the child to go outside and work on bike riding.

I'm still perplexed why you think the DH gets a day off here. The default should be both parents do chores, spend time with the kid, and have a break. The default is not that the wife does everything and the man does nothing unless he feels like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy Saturday at home. This morning, DH went to the gym and I stayed home with DC. I made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, put away laundry, and cleaned the shower (while also taking a shower). Also helped DC with a craft project and facilitated dance music and got snacks. That's all fine -- zero resentment.

DH was gone about 2 hours (about 90 minutes at gym plus getting there and back). When he got home, he took a shower, relaxed for a while (scrolling Twitter and doing some Duo Lingo while lying on the bed), and then made himself lunch. I made DC and myself lunch.

Then DH decided he wanted to watch some This Old House, so he watched a couple episodes on his computer while DC and I hung out and played/listened to music.

Around 2, I suggested DH take DC to the park. I have had a nice day, but was feeling like I needed a break. I also have a small work project I need to finish over the weekend, which DH knows about. So I said "Hey, maybe you two would like to go to the park, maybe take DC's bike and work on riding? I have some work to finish so I could use some peace and quiet in the house."

Was it rude for me to volunteer DH to take DC out? Should I have approached that in another way? He is acting very put-upon about it. They didn't have to go to the park -- it was just a suggestion. I also would have left to go work at the coffee shop nearby, but it seemed like DC needed to get outside anyway.

Brutal honesty here. No offense intended. You sound controlling (I'm a male) and already I can tell you're husband is likely (internally) screaming and he likely dreads being around you.

Of course. OP is mentally ill. She admits that mental illness is a commin issue in her family. She is disorganized and unable to plan and schedule properly. When she procrastinates getting her work done, that must be her husband's fault.

She is extremely passive aggressive. When her husband asked her if he should stay home and help around the house rather than go to the gym, she told him she was fine if he went. She dawdled around all day and then chased him and her child angrily out of the house because she was in a panick to get her work done.

She claims everything was fine when he returned yet still came to the internet for validation from other disturbed women to demonize her husband as a lazy good for nothing.

When she receives any input that is critical of her, she lashes out in an openly abusive manner.

So just imagine what her poor husband must be going through.

But it really was fine that he went to the gym. She just wanted some time afterwards, and for him to spend time with his child. What's wrong with that?

No, he was aware she had a project to do as well as household chores. and childcare. He asked her if he should go to the gym she said Fine indicating she could handle all those responsibilities and he could use the day to relax after his own strenuous work week.

She did not get everyhing done and did not even start her work project until 2 pm. Only then did she realize it would be more work than she had thought. She chased her husband and child out of the house in a huff to finish her project. Really? She thinks she has the right to kick her husband and child out of their house for her convenience? With husband having no say in the matter?

If she wanted to take the kid to the park she could have gotten her project done that morning. Her husband specifically asked if he should stay home or go to the gym and she told him to go.

And lord only knows how many hours she spent on social media vs. actually working.

WTH? No. He asked if he could go to the gym, not if he could have an entire day free of all responsibilities. If he wanted a whole day, he should have siad so. Why on earth would you think that going to the gym means you do nothing else for the rest of the day? You are bizarre.

Ohhhh, his strenuous work week, poor little manlie-man. So tired, too tired to watch his own child at the park.

Good odds that it's not.

His own child, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy Saturday at home. This morning, DH went to the gym and I stayed home with DC. I made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, put away laundry, and cleaned the shower (while also taking a shower). Also helped DC with a craft project and facilitated dance music and got snacks. That's all fine -- zero resentment.

DH was gone about 2 hours (about 90 minutes at gym plus getting there and back). When he got home, he took a shower, relaxed for a while (scrolling Twitter and doing some Duo Lingo while lying on the bed), and then made himself lunch. I made DC and myself lunch.

Then DH decided he wanted to watch some This Old House, so he watched a couple episodes on his computer while DC and I hung out and played/listened to music.

Around 2, I suggested DH take DC to the park. I have had a nice day, but was feeling like I needed a break. I also have a small work project I need to finish over the weekend, which DH knows about. So I said "Hey, maybe you two would like to go to the park, maybe take DC's bike and work on riding? I have some work to finish so I could use some peace and quiet in the house."

Was it rude for me to volunteer DH to take DC out? Should I have approached that in another way? He is acting very put-upon about it. They didn't have to go to the park -- it was just a suggestion. I also would have left to go work at the coffee shop nearby, but it seemed like DC needed to get outside anyway.

Brutal honesty here. No offense intended. You sound controlling (I'm a male) and already I can tell you're husband is likely (internally) screaming and he likely dreads being around you.

Brutal honesty here. You sound like no one, in your entire life, has ever touched your penis.

I am sure quite a few have touched yiurs darling.

Yes, my genitals are frequently touched by my husband, because I am kind, thoughtful, and hot. You are very correct. I am far more sexually successful than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy Saturday at home. This morning, DH went to the gym and I stayed home with DC. I made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, put away laundry, and cleaned the shower (while also taking a shower). Also helped DC with a craft project and facilitated dance music and got snacks. That's all fine -- zero resentment.

DH was gone about 2 hours (about 90 minutes at gym plus getting there and back). When he got home, he took a shower, relaxed for a while (scrolling Twitter and doing some Duo Lingo while lying on the bed), and then made himself lunch. I made DC and myself lunch.

Then DH decided he wanted to watch some This Old House, so he watched a couple episodes on his computer while DC and I hung out and played/listened to music.

Around 2, I suggested DH take DC to the park. I have had a nice day, but was feeling like I needed a break. I also have a small work project I need to finish over the weekend, which DH knows about. So I said "Hey, maybe you two would like to go to the park, maybe take DC's bike and work on riding? I have some work to finish so I could use some peace and quiet in the house."

Was it rude for me to volunteer DH to take DC out? Should I have approached that in another way? He is acting very put-upon about it. They didn't have to go to the park -- it was just a suggestion. I also would have left to go work at the coffee shop nearby, but it seemed like DC needed to get outside anyway.

Brutal honesty here. No offense intended. You sound controlling (I'm a male) and already I can tell you're husband is likely (internally) screaming and he likely dreads being around you.

Of course. OP is mentally ill. She admits that mental illness is a commin issue in her family. She is disorganized and unable to plan and schedule properly. When she procrastinates getting her work done, that must be her husband's fault.

She is extremely passive aggressive. When her husband asked her if he should stay home and help around the house rather than go to the gym, she told him she was fine if he went. She dawdled around all day and then chased him and her child angrily out of the house because she was in a panick to get her work done.

She claims everything was fine when he returned yet still came to the internet for validation from other disturbed women to demonize her husband as a lazy good for nothing.

When she receives any input that is critical of her, she lashes out in an openly abusive manner.

So just imagine what her poor husband must be going through.

But it really was fine that he went to the gym. She just wanted some time afterwards, and for him to spend time with his child. What's wrong with that?

No, he was aware she had a project to do as well as household chores. and childcare. He asked her if he should go to the gym she said Fine indicating she could handle all those responsibilities and he could use the day to relax after his own strenuous work week.

She did not get everyhing done and did not even start her work project until 2 pm. Only then did she realize it would be more work than she had thought. She chased her husband and child out of the house in a huff to finish her project. Really? She thinks she has the right to kick her husband and child out of their house for her convenience? With husband having no say in the matter?

If she wanted to take the kid to the park she could have gotten her project done that morning. Her husband specifically asked if he should stay home or go to the gym and she told him to go.

And lord only knows how many hours she spent on social media vs. actually working.

WTH? No. He asked if he could go to the gym, not if he could have an entire day free of all responsibilities. If he wanted a whole day, he should have siad so. Why on earth would you think that going to the gym means you do nothing else for the rest of the day? You are bizarre.

Ohhhh, his strenuous work week, poor little manlie-man. So tired, too tired to watch his own child at the park.

Good odds that it's not.

His own child, that is.

Off his meds, don’t engage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We usually talk the day out in the morning. So my DH would have known that I needed to get my thing done. I would have grabbed my things and said “see you in a couple of hours” and left. Or said something like “what are you two doing this afternoon? I need to get working on my project.”

He would not have known unless you told him and made specific plans known to him.

You may have told him you had some work to get done, but you clearly did NOT plan in advance, or tell him, that you would need him to take the kid to the park from lets say 10-2.

"I need to get working on my project" is not "I need you to take the kid to the park between 10-2 or I need to leave the house to get the project done."

So you did NOT tell him in advance about what you wanted HIM to do. And therefore deprived him of the opportunity to integrate an activity with the kid outside the home at a set time with whatever else he wanted to do that day. Maybe he would have skipped the gym to play with the kid in the park for a few hours but after his workout is too tired.

Admit that you yourself did not realize you needed several hours of quiet time until the last minute. Thats why you did not mention that need in the morning planning discussion.

YOUR OWN POOR TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS AND DISORGANIZATION AND FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS IN A TIMELY AND CLEAR MANNER IS YOUR FAULT, NOT YOUR HUSBAND'S.

You claim to be running a business? THEN RUN A BUSINESS, AND STOP HALF ASSING IT AND THEN TRYING TO BLAME YOUR HUSBAND.

You need a block of alone time to work on the weekend? THEN SCHEDULE IT WELL IN ADVANCE AND MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS AVAILABLE TO COVER CHILD CARE WELL IN ADVANCE. If not be prepared to hire a baby sitter.

JFC what business are you in? The chaos business?

So he gets all of Saturday off from childcare unless he specifically agrees otherwise? Come on. It's his child too.

OP finally admitted that her husband did ask if it has ok for him to go to the gym. She said fine. Instead of working on her work project, she puttered around the house. Instead of telling him to take the kid so she could have quiet time to do the project, she wasted her entire morning and most of the afternoon, then asks him to take the kid to the park, but only of he wants to.

Why did OP post?

She couldn’t work on the project while he was at the gym because she was caring for her child. Are you dim?

No, you are. If she couldnt work on the project if he went ti the gym, she shoukd have told him not to go there when he asked her about it that morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We usually talk the day out in the morning. So my DH would have known that I needed to get my thing done. I would have grabbed my things and said “see you in a couple of hours” and left. Or said something like “what are you two doing this afternoon? I need to get working on my project.”

He would not have known unless you told him and made specific plans known to him.

You may have told him you had some work to get done, but you clearly did NOT plan in advance, or tell him, that you would need him to take the kid to the park from lets say 10-2.

"I need to get working on my project" is not "I need you to take the kid to the park between 10-2 or I need to leave the house to get the project done."

So you did NOT tell him in advance about what you wanted HIM to do. And therefore deprived him of the opportunity to integrate an activity with the kid outside the home at a set time with whatever else he wanted to do that day. Maybe he would have skipped the gym to play with the kid in the park for a few hours but after his workout is too tired.

Admit that you yourself did not realize you needed several hours of quiet time until the last minute. Thats why you did not mention that need in the morning planning discussion.

YOUR OWN POOR TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS AND DISORGANIZATION AND FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS IN A TIMELY AND CLEAR MANNER IS YOUR FAULT, NOT YOUR HUSBAND'S.

You claim to be running a business? THEN RUN A BUSINESS, AND STOP HALF ASSING IT AND THEN TRYING TO BLAME YOUR HUSBAND.

You need a block of alone time to work on the weekend? THEN SCHEDULE IT WELL IN ADVANCE AND MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS AVAILABLE TO COVER CHILD CARE WELL IN ADVANCE. If not be prepared to hire a baby sitter.

JFC what business are you in? The chaos business?

So he gets all of Saturday off from childcare unless he specifically agrees otherwise? Come on. It's his child too.

OP finally admitted that her husband did ask if it has ok for him to go to the gym. She said fine. Instead of working on her work project, she puttered around the house. Instead of telling him to take the kid so she could have quiet time to do the project, she wasted her entire morning and most of the afternoon, then asks him to take the kid to the park, but only of he wants to.

Why did OP post?

She couldn’t work on the project while he was at the gym because she was caring for her child. Are you dim?

No, you are. If she couldnt work on the project if he went ti the gym, she shoukd have told him not to go there when he asked her about it that morning.

She should have said "Yes, go to the gym, and then when you get back I need you to watch DC so I can work. Deal?" And then he would be like, no, you are such a mean wife and I am too tired to do two things in a day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy Saturday at home. This morning, DH went to the gym and I stayed home with DC. I made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, put away laundry, and cleaned the shower (while also taking a shower). Also helped DC with a craft project and facilitated dance music and got snacks. That's all fine -- zero resentment.

DH was gone about 2 hours (about 90 minutes at gym plus getting there and back). When he got home, he took a shower, relaxed for a while (scrolling Twitter and doing some Duo Lingo while lying on the bed), and then made himself lunch. I made DC and myself lunch.

Then DH decided he wanted to watch some This Old House, so he watched a couple episodes on his computer while DC and I hung out and played/listened to music.

Around 2, I suggested DH take DC to the park. I have had a nice day, but was feeling like I needed a break. I also have a small work project I need to finish over the weekend, which DH knows about. So I said "Hey, maybe you two would like to go to the park, maybe take DC's bike and work on riding? I have some work to finish so I could use some peace and quiet in the house."

Was it rude for me to volunteer DH to take DC out? Should I have approached that in another way? He is acting very put-upon about it. They didn't have to go to the park -- it was just a suggestion. I also would have left to go work at the coffee shop nearby, but it seemed like DC needed to get outside anyway.

Brutal honesty here. No offense intended. You sound controlling (I'm a male) and already I can tell you're husband is likely (internally) screaming and he likely dreads being around you.

Brutal honesty here. You sound like no one, in your entire life, has ever touched your penis.

I am sure quite a few have touched yiurs darling.

Yes, my genitals are frequently touched by my husband, because I am kind, thoughtful, and hot. You are very correct. I am far more sexually successful than you.

Pretty sure only a 12 year old virgin woukd need to boast on the internet about having the secks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We usually talk the day out in the morning. So my DH would have known that I needed to get my thing done. I would have grabbed my things and said “see you in a couple of hours” and left. Or said something like “what are you two doing this afternoon? I need to get working on my project.”

He would not have known unless you told him and made specific plans known to him.

You may have told him you had some work to get done, but you clearly did NOT plan in advance, or tell him, that you would need him to take the kid to the park from lets say 10-2.

"I need to get working on my project" is not "I need you to take the kid to the park between 10-2 or I need to leave the house to get the project done."

So you did NOT tell him in advance about what you wanted HIM to do. And therefore deprived him of the opportunity to integrate an activity with the kid outside the home at a set time with whatever else he wanted to do that day. Maybe he would have skipped the gym to play with the kid in the park for a few hours but after his workout is too tired.

Admit that you yourself did not realize you needed several hours of quiet time until the last minute. Thats why you did not mention that need in the morning planning discussion.

YOUR OWN POOR TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS AND DISORGANIZATION AND FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS IN A TIMELY AND CLEAR MANNER IS YOUR FAULT, NOT YOUR HUSBAND'S.

You claim to be running a business? THEN RUN A BUSINESS, AND STOP HALF ASSING IT AND THEN TRYING TO BLAME YOUR HUSBAND.

You need a block of alone time to work on the weekend? THEN SCHEDULE IT WELL IN ADVANCE AND MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS AVAILABLE TO COVER CHILD CARE WELL IN ADVANCE. If not be prepared to hire a baby sitter.

JFC what business are you in? The chaos business?

So he gets all of Saturday off from childcare unless he specifically agrees otherwise? Come on. It's his child too.

OP finally admitted that her husband did ask if it has ok for him to go to the gym. She said fine. Instead of working on her work project, she puttered around the house. Instead of telling him to take the kid so she could have quiet time to do the project, she wasted her entire morning and most of the afternoon, then asks him to take the kid to the park, but only of he wants to.

Why did OP post?

She couldn’t work on the project while he was at the gym because she was caring for her child. Are you dim?

No, you are. If she couldnt work on the project if he went ti the gym, she shoukd have told him not to go there when he asked her about it that morning.

She was planning to work on it after he got back. She could work on if he went to the gym as long as he didn't feel entitled to the entire rest of the day off. That's a bizarre thing for him to feel entitled to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We usually talk the day out in the morning. So my DH would have known that I needed to get my thing done. I would have grabbed my things and said “see you in a couple of hours” and left. Or said something like “what are you two doing this afternoon? I need to get working on my project.”

He would not have known unless you told him and made specific plans known to him.

You may have told him you had some work to get done, but you clearly did NOT plan in advance, or tell him, that you would need him to take the kid to the park from lets say 10-2.

"I need to get working on my project" is not "I need you to take the kid to the park between 10-2 or I need to leave the house to get the project done."

So you did NOT tell him in advance about what you wanted HIM to do. And therefore deprived him of the opportunity to integrate an activity with the kid outside the home at a set time with whatever else he wanted to do that day. Maybe he would have skipped the gym to play with the kid in the park for a few hours but after his workout is too tired.

Admit that you yourself did not realize you needed several hours of quiet time until the last minute. Thats why you did not mention that need in the morning planning discussion.

YOUR OWN POOR TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS AND DISORGANIZATION AND FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS IN A TIMELY AND CLEAR MANNER IS YOUR FAULT, NOT YOUR HUSBAND'S.

You claim to be running a business? THEN RUN A BUSINESS, AND STOP HALF ASSING IT AND THEN TRYING TO BLAME YOUR HUSBAND.

You need a block of alone time to work on the weekend? THEN SCHEDULE IT WELL IN ADVANCE AND MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS AVAILABLE TO COVER CHILD CARE WELL IN ADVANCE. If not be prepared to hire a baby sitter.

JFC what business are you in? The chaos business?

So he gets all of Saturday off from childcare unless he specifically agrees otherwise? Come on. It's his child too.

OP finally admitted that her husband did ask if it has ok for him to go to the gym. She said fine. Instead of working on her work project, she puttered around the house. Instead of telling him to take the kid so she could have quiet time to do the project, she wasted her entire morning and most of the afternoon, then asks him to take the kid to the park, but only of he wants to.

Why did OP post?

She couldn’t work on the project while he was at the gym because she was caring for her child. Are you dim?

No, you are. If she couldnt work on the project if he went ti the gym, she shoukd have told him not to go there when he asked her about it that morning.

She was planning to work on it after he got back. She could work on if he went to the gym as long as he didn't feel entitled to the entire rest of the day off. That's a bizarre thing for him to feel entitled to.

Except she wasnt and didnt, and certainly didnt share that with her husband.

[Anonymous]

OP, of course you were fine. Another way to approach weekends is to divide them up with a regular rotation. When our kids were little we either traded off mornings or sometimes weekend days where one parent was the primary person. That way it didn’t feel like a negotiation every weekend. Also pretty hilarious (except it isn’t) that you were hassled for trying to get “free time” so you could work. Your “break” was continuing to work for the family, only in a different capacity, while his break was gym and tv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We usually talk the day out in the morning. So my DH would have known that I needed to get my thing done. I would have grabbed my things and said “see you in a couple of hours” and left. Or said something like “what are you two doing this afternoon? I need to get working on my project.”

He would not have known unless you told him and made specific plans known to him.

You may have told him you had some work to get done, but you clearly did NOT plan in advance, or tell him, that you would need him to take the kid to the park from lets say 10-2.

"I need to get working on my project" is not "I need you to take the kid to the park between 10-2 or I need to leave the house to get the project done."

So you did NOT tell him in advance about what you wanted HIM to do. And therefore deprived him of the opportunity to integrate an activity with the kid outside the home at a set time with whatever else he wanted to do that day. Maybe he would have skipped the gym to play with the kid in the park for a few hours but after his workout is too tired.

Admit that you yourself did not realize you needed several hours of quiet time until the last minute. Thats why you did not mention that need in the morning planning discussion.

YOUR OWN POOR TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS AND DISORGANIZATION AND FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS IN A TIMELY AND CLEAR MANNER IS YOUR FAULT, NOT YOUR HUSBAND'S.

You claim to be running a business? THEN RUN A BUSINESS, AND STOP HALF ASSING IT AND THEN TRYING TO BLAME YOUR HUSBAND.

You need a block of alone time to work on the weekend? THEN SCHEDULE IT WELL IN ADVANCE AND MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS AVAILABLE TO COVER CHILD CARE WELL IN ADVANCE. If not be prepared to hire a baby sitter.

JFC what business are you in? The chaos business?

So he gets all of Saturday off from childcare unless he specifically agrees otherwise? Come on. It's his child too.

OP finally admitted that her husband did ask if it has ok for him to go to the gym. She said fine. Instead of working on her work project, she puttered around the house. Instead of telling him to take the kid so she could have quiet time to do the project, she wasted her entire morning and most of the afternoon, then asks him to take the kid to the park, but only of he wants to.

Why did OP post?

She couldn’t work on the project while he was at the gym because she was caring for her child. Are you dim?

No, you are. If she couldnt work on the project if he went ti the gym, she shoukd have told him not to go there when he asked her about it that morning.

She was planning to work on it after he got back. She could work on if he went to the gym as long as he didn't feel entitled to the entire rest of the day off. That's a bizarre thing for him to feel entitled to.

Except she wasnt and didnt, and certainly didnt share that with her husband.

She was and she did. Wtf? And he didn't share with her his bizarre, lazy, selfish entitlement to ignore his child and dump all the work on his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course you were fine. Another way to approach weekends is to divide them up with a regular rotation. When our kids were little we either traded off mornings or sometimes weekend days where one parent was the primary person. That way it didn’t feel like a negotiation every weekend. Also pretty hilarious (except it isn’t) that you were hassled for trying to get “free time” so you could work. Your “break” was continuing to work for the family, only in a different capacity, while his break was gym and tv.

Yes and it is not cool. OP works on the weekends to save childcare money on the weekdays. It’s like if a nurse scheduled weekend shifts - you wouldn’t consider that a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy Saturday at home. This morning, DH went to the gym and I stayed home with DC. I made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, put away laundry, and cleaned the shower (while also taking a shower). Also helped DC with a craft project and facilitated dance music and got snacks. That's all fine -- zero resentment.

DH was gone about 2 hours (about 90 minutes at gym plus getting there and back). When he got home, he took a shower, relaxed for a while (scrolling Twitter and doing some Duo Lingo while lying on the bed), and then made himself lunch. I made DC and myself lunch.

Then DH decided he wanted to watch some This Old House, so he watched a couple episodes on his computer while DC and I hung out and played/listened to music.

Around 2, I suggested DH take DC to the park. I have had a nice day, but was feeling like I needed a break. I also have a small work project I need to finish over the weekend, which DH knows about. So I said "Hey, maybe you two would like to go to the park, maybe take DC's bike and work on riding? I have some work to finish so I could use some peace and quiet in the house."

Was it rude for me to volunteer DH to take DC out? Should I have approached that in another way? He is acting very put-upon about it. They didn't have to go to the park -- it was just a suggestion. I also would have left to go work at the coffee shop nearby, but it seemed like DC needed to get outside anyway.

Brutal honesty here. No offense intended. You sound controlling (I'm a male) and already I can tell you're husband is likely (internally) screaming and he likely dreads being around you.

What would you recommend? Just do all the work, never have a break, and let him be lazy and ignore his child?

I don’t think there is anything to recommend because it’s pretty clear these to have major issues.

Having said that, I suppose she could talk to him when the child is not around and it’s just the two of them about setting up a schedule in which she could have some free time to herself. However, she loses “control” by doing it this way, instead of doing it the way that she chose to do it… Said and meant respectfully.