Was this rude of me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really perplexed how anyone thinks the DH's behavior here is reasonable. A parent should expect to spend time with their child on the weekend without pouting.

I’m hoping it is just one sad incel.

Not to mention, OP’s reason for needing a break was so unselfish - to finish up work which she doesn’t do during the week so they can save on childcare. She actually deserves 2 more hours of personal/alone time on top of that. Her DH should have willingly handled dinner and bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP reads like a long list of Things DH Selfishly Did For Himself today, which I guarantee came across to him when you asked him to go out with DC. Every time you say what he did you add “which was fine” but it obviously wasn’t, otherwise you would not be tracking it so meticulously.

Yes, it's much better for parents to have no idea what the other person is doing and where they have gone. Sorry but he got time for himself, so now she gets time for herself. What's so unreasonable about that?

People who complain about bean-counting usually do it because they know they don't look so great when the beans are counted.

If they had not agreed on that ahead of time, it could be unreasonable for OP to suddenly change what they had agreed on. Op stated that everything her husband was doing was "fine" and that his taking the kid to the park was totally optional.

The fight started when her husband said something like "I told you what my weekend plans were on Friday night and you told me you were fine with those plans. Now you suddenly changed your mind because of work needs. But you never told me you had several hours of work to do this weekend before just now. Why didn't you tell me what was going on with you when we discussed that on Friday?"

OP here. Just wanted to state none of that happened. In fact, I'd told DH about the work project on Friday afternoon when it came in and he said he was fine making sure I had the time to work on it. He decided to go to the gym this morning, it was not planned in advance. And he did ask if I minded if he went, and I said no, of course not, I have stuff to do around the house this morning. I really didn't mind, but as the day went on, I needed to get some work done and I got tired of being on mom duty.

Go write weird fanfic of another thread, dude.

Ok so you wasted time procrastinating doing your work project until the last minute. You did non essential stuff around the house INSTEAD OF YOUR CRITICAL WORK WHICH HAD A TIGHT DEADLINE. You never set out a soecific block of time to get your business project done.

When he asked if it was ok to go the gym, that is when you say "No I need four hours alone here to finish that project. Please take kid to the park for a few hours, I should be done by 2 pm."

HE LITERALLY DID ASK YOU FOR PERMISSION AND GAVE YOU EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO SET A SCHEDULE.

Your procrastination, failure to plan and schedule and prioritize properly, and non business like approach to your work is your fault, not his.

You effed around the house all day and suddenly realized you out yourself in a time crunch.

Then you tried to blame it on him.

Look just get a baby sitter and if you cannot pay for it out of your earnings and turn a profit, stop pretending at having a business and shut it down and be a full time mom until you can get your act together.

So she is responsible for childcare unless he specifically agrees to a time in which she is not? Come on. That's not fair and you know it. A good husband and father would know that if you take the morning off, you should expect to be on duty in the afternoon. You don't get to take the whole day for yourself and give your wife no break. How is that not obvious?

She is responsible to communicate clearly and to be organized and scheduled if she is running a business and needs her husband to take the kid to the park for a specific number of hours so she can have quiet to do that work. It is one thing for her to want him to share in child care, but asking him to take the kid out of the house for several hours needs to be planned well in advance.

Not clear why OP thinks her schedule is paramount and she has no obligation to her husband to do a minimal job of planning ahead.

How hard would it have been fir her to tell him to skip the gym and take kid to the park while she finished her project? He literally asked her first. Not hard at all, she just wanted to procrastinate. WTF didnt she tell him first thing that morning what time block she would be doing her project so they could both plan around that?

Because she is passive aggressive and looks for opportunities to create conflict where none should be.

The laundry and cleaning needed to get done. Breakfast had to get made. Calling that "procrastinating" is insane. When I'm procrastinating, I go on DCUM and argue with idiots like you. I don't do chores and feed my kids and do projects with them.

You are B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really perplexed how anyone thinks the DH's behavior here is reasonable. A parent should expect to spend time with their child on the weekend without pouting.

OP herself said everything her husband did was "fine." OP procrastinated doing her work project all day and then late in the day when she finally got around to starting, suddenly realized that it was more involved thsn she had anticipated. She panicked and asked husband to take kid out of the house for several hours. For how long? We dont know, maybe all night? Is that good planning by her?

In any event she also said her request was optional. She would go to the coffee shop instead.

So what is the problem then. Go to the damn coffee shop, get the work done you should have finished hours or days ago, and plan better next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a selfish man. You give too much.
Given those 2, why would you worry about being rude?

Seriously! Everything else he did today was for him. He couldn't even bother to make lunch for everyone.

Then to pout about it.

It's clear he views DC and taking care of the house as ops responsibility.


No op you weren't rude. And in fact were a lot kinder than I would have been.

You need to start speaking up more.

This. Is your husband always like this - self centered, lazy, zero initiative, selfish, and nit picky? Life with him sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP reads like a long list of Things DH Selfishly Did For Himself today, which I guarantee came across to him when you asked him to go out with DC. Every time you say what he did you add “which was fine” but it obviously wasn’t, otherwise you would not be tracking it so meticulously.

Yes, it's much better for parents to have no idea what the other person is doing and where they have gone. Sorry but he got time for himself, so now she gets time for herself. What's so unreasonable about that?

People who complain about bean-counting usually do it because they know they don't look so great when the beans are counted.

If they had not agreed on that ahead of time, it could be unreasonable for OP to suddenly change what they had agreed on. Op stated that everything her husband was doing was "fine" and that his taking the kid to the park was totally optional.

The fight started when her husband said something like "I told you what my weekend plans were on Friday night and you told me you were fine with those plans. Now you suddenly changed your mind because of work needs. But you never told me you had several hours of work to do this weekend before just now. Why didn't you tell me what was going on with you when we discussed that on Friday?"

OP here. Just wanted to state none of that happened. In fact, I'd told DH about the work project on Friday afternoon when it came in and he said he was fine making sure I had the time to work on it. He decided to go to the gym this morning, it was not planned in advance. And he did ask if I minded if he went, and I said no, of course not, I have stuff to do around the house this morning. I really didn't mind, but as the day went on, I needed to get some work done and I got tired of being on mom duty.

Go write weird fanfic of another thread, dude.

Ok so you wasted time procrastinating doing your work project until the last minute. You did non essential stuff around the house INSTEAD OF YOUR CRITICAL WORK WHICH HAD A TIGHT DEADLINE. You never set out a soecific block of time to get your business project done.

When he asked if it was ok to go the gym, that is when you say "No I need four hours alone here to finish that project. Please take kid to the park for a few hours, I should be done by 2 pm."

HE LITERALLY DID ASK YOU FOR PERMISSION AND GAVE YOU EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO SET A SCHEDULE.

Your procrastination, failure to plan and schedule and prioritize properly, and non business like approach to your work is your fault, not his.

You effed around the house all day and suddenly realized you out yourself in a time crunch.

Then you tried to blame it on him.

Look just get a baby sitter and if you cannot pay for it out of your earnings and turn a profit, stop pretending at having a business and shut it down and be a full time mom until you can get your act together.

So she is responsible for childcare unless he specifically agrees to a time in which she is not? Come on. That's not fair and you know it. A good husband and father would know that if you take the morning off, you should expect to be on duty in the afternoon. You don't get to take the whole day for yourself and give your wife no break. How is that not obvious?

She is responsible to communicate clearly and to be organized and scheduled if she is running a business and needs her husband to take the kid to the park for a specific number of hours so she can have quiet to do that work. It is one thing for her to want him to share in child care, but asking him to take the kid out of the house for several hours needs to be planned well in advance.

Not clear why OP thinks her schedule is paramount and she has no obligation to her husband to do a minimal job of planning ahead.

How hard would it have been fir her to tell him to skip the gym and take kid to the park while she finished her project? He literally asked her first. Not hard at all, she just wanted to procrastinate. WTF didnt she tell him first thing that morning what time block she would be doing her project so they could both plan around that?

Because she is passive aggressive and looks for opportunities to create conflict where none should be.

The laundry and cleaning needed to get done. Breakfast had to get made. Calling that "procrastinating" is insane. When I'm procrastinating, I go on DCUM and argue with idiots like you. I don't do chores and feed my kids and do projects with them.

You are B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

I thought OP had a work project that needed to get done but guess not. ok so chores need to be done. Did she ask husband to stay home and do chores and watch kid while she worked? No she let him go to the gym. He asked first to. OP finally admitted that.

Of course OP was procrastinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really perplexed how anyone thinks the DH's behavior here is reasonable. A parent should expect to spend time with their child on the weekend without pouting.

I’m hoping it is just one sad incel.

Not to mention, OP’s reason for needing a break was so unselfish - to finish up work which she doesn’t do during the week so they can save on childcare. She actually deserves 2 more hours of personal/alone time on top of that. Her DH should have willingly handled dinner and bed.

OP clearly stated that she thought all of her hudbands activities that day were "fine" with her.

She simply failed to plan properly, waited until the last minute to start her project, and then tried to blame her time crunch on her husband.

In any event she was fine going to a coffee shop and the husband did not do a single thing that day that OP didnt tell him was "fine" with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really perplexed how anyone thinks the DH's behavior here is reasonable. A parent should expect to spend time with their child on the weekend without pouting.

OP herself said everything her husband did was "fine." OP procrastinated doing her work project all day and then late in the day when she finally got around to starting, suddenly realized that it was more involved thsn she had anticipated. She panicked and asked husband to take kid out of the house for several hours. For how long? We dont know, maybe all night? Is that good planning by her?

In any event she also said her request was optional. She would go to the coffee shop instead.

So what is the problem then. Go to the damn coffee shop, get the work done you should have finished hours or days ago, and plan better next time.

OP here. First, I just want to say I am sorry about your mental health issues. As someone with family members who have similar disorders, I know it is a lifelong struggle. I hope you get the help you need.

Second, my DH took DC to the park, as requested. They had a great time and DC practiced riding the new "big" bike. Everyone was in a better mood when they got home. I got the small amount of work I needed to get done today done. I also posted on DCUM a bit and got a little prep work done on dinner. At no point did anyone panic or discover something was going to take a lot longer than they thought.

I posted because I was genuinely confused as to how I was supposed to let my DH know that I needed him to take over parenting duties while I did the work he was aware I needed to do. I found the conversation somewhat interesting. I agreed with some posters and did not agree with others. The only reason this thread is still going is because you have chosen it as the location for some kind of hallucinatory event.

Best of luck with whatever you have going on there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really perplexed how anyone thinks the DH's behavior here is reasonable. A parent should expect to spend time with their child on the weekend without pouting.

I’m hoping it is just one sad incel.

Not to mention, OP’s reason for needing a break was so unselfish - to finish up work which she doesn’t do during the week so they can save on childcare. She actually deserves 2 more hours of personal/alone time on top of that. Her DH should have willingly handled dinner and bed.

OP clearly stated that she thought all of her hudbands activities that day were "fine" with her.

She simply failed to plan properly, waited until the last minute to start her project, and then tried to blame her time crunch on her husband.

In any event she was fine going to a coffee shop and the husband did not do a single thing that day that OP didnt tell him was "fine" with her.

She did not say all the activities were fine. The gym is fine. The resting is fine. The TV and DuoLingo are fine. The pouting is not fine, the nit-picking of how she communicates is not fine, and the acting like it's such an imposition that he spend time with his child is not fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really perplexed how anyone thinks the DH's behavior here is reasonable. A parent should expect to spend time with their child on the weekend without pouting.

OP herself said everything her husband did was "fine." OP procrastinated doing her work project all day and then late in the day when she finally got around to starting, suddenly realized that it was more involved thsn she had anticipated. She panicked and asked husband to take kid out of the house for several hours. For how long? We dont know, maybe all night? Is that good planning by her?

In any event she also said her request was optional. She would go to the coffee shop instead.

So what is the problem then. Go to the damn coffee shop, get the work done you should have finished hours or days ago, and plan better next time.

OP here. First, I just want to say I am sorry about your mental health issues. As someone with family members who have similar disorders, I know it is a lifelong struggle. I hope you get the help you need.

Second, my DH took DC to the park, as requested. They had a great time and DC practiced riding the new "big" bike. Everyone was in a better mood when they got home. I got the small amount of work I needed to get done today done. I also posted on DCUM a bit and got a little prep work done on dinner. At no point did anyone panic or discover something was going to take a lot longer than they thought.

I posted because I was genuinely confused as to how I was supposed to let my DH know that I needed him to take over parenting duties while I did the work he was aware I needed to do. I found the conversation somewhat interesting. I agreed with some posters and did not agree with others. The only reason this thread is still going is because you have chosen it as the location for some kind of hallucinatory event.

Best of luck with whatever you have going on there.

You are a nasty piece of work OP. I feel sorry for your husband. Thank you for admitting that mental illness is common in your family, that explains everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really perplexed how anyone thinks the DH's behavior here is reasonable. A parent should expect to spend time with their child on the weekend without pouting.

OP herself said everything her husband did was "fine." OP procrastinated doing her work project all day and then late in the day when she finally got around to starting, suddenly realized that it was more involved thsn she had anticipated. She panicked and asked husband to take kid out of the house for several hours. For how long? We dont know, maybe all night? Is that good planning by her?

In any event she also said her request was optional. She would go to the coffee shop instead.

So what is the problem then. Go to the damn coffee shop, get the work done you should have finished hours or days ago, and plan better next time.

OP here. First, I just want to say I am sorry about your mental health issues. As someone with family members who have similar disorders, I know it is a lifelong struggle. I hope you get the help you need.

Second, my DH took DC to the park, as requested. They had a great time and DC practiced riding the new "big" bike. Everyone was in a better mood when they got home. I got the small amount of work I needed to get done today done. I also posted on DCUM a bit and got a little prep work done on dinner. At no point did anyone panic or discover something was going to take a lot longer than they thought.

I posted because I was genuinely confused as to how I was supposed to let my DH know that I needed him to take over parenting duties while I did the work he was aware I needed to do. I found the conversation somewhat interesting. I agreed with some posters and did not agree with others. The only reason this thread is still going is because you have chosen it as the location for some kind of hallucinatory event.

Best of luck with whatever you have going on there.

You are a nasty piece of work OP. I feel sorry for your husband. Thank you for admitting that mental illness is common in your family, that explains everything.

DP. Seek professional guidance. The voices in your head aren’t real.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like OP did not anticipate her DH being so lazy, disorganized, and selfish as to want the whole day off without any advance planning. He seems to think childcare is her job unless he feels like doing it. Like it's a side effect of her choice to have a vagina, so her problem not his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lazy Saturday at home. This morning, DH went to the gym and I stayed home with DC. I made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, put away laundry, and cleaned the shower (while also taking a shower). Also helped DC with a craft project and facilitated dance music and got snacks. That's all fine -- zero resentment.

DH was gone about 2 hours (about 90 minutes at gym plus getting there and back). When he got home, he took a shower, relaxed for a while (scrolling Twitter and doing some Duo Lingo while lying on the bed), and then made himself lunch. I made DC and myself lunch.

Then DH decided he wanted to watch some This Old House, so he watched a couple episodes on his computer while DC and I hung out and played/listened to music.

Around 2, I suggested DH take DC to the park. I have had a nice day, but was feeling like I needed a break. I also have a small work project I need to finish over the weekend, which DH knows about. So I said "Hey, maybe you two would like to go to the park, maybe take DC's bike and work on riding? I have some work to finish so I could use some peace and quiet in the house."

Was it rude for me to volunteer DH to take DC out? Should I have approached that in another way? He is acting very put-upon about it. They didn't have to go to the park -- it was just a suggestion. I also would have left to go work at the coffee shop nearby, but it seemed like DC needed to get outside anyway.

Brutal honesty here. No offense intended. You sound controlling (I'm a male) and already I can tell you're husband is likely (internally) screaming and he likely dreads being around you.

[Anonymous]

I smell divorce on the horizon

[Anonymous]

Contempt for your spouse is the one feeling that lets marriage counselors know the marriage is irretrievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really perplexed how anyone thinks the DH's behavior here is reasonable. A parent should expect to spend time with their child on the weekend without pouting.

OP herself said everything her husband did was "fine." OP procrastinated doing her work project all day and then late in the day when she finally got around to starting, suddenly realized that it was more involved thsn she had anticipated. She panicked and asked husband to take kid out of the house for several hours. For how long? We dont know, maybe all night? Is that good planning by her?

In any event she also said her request was optional. She would go to the coffee shop instead.

So what is the problem then. Go to the damn coffee shop, get the work done you should have finished hours or days ago, and plan better next time.

OP here. First, I just want to say I am sorry about your mental health issues. As someone with family members who have similar disorders, I know it is a lifelong struggle. I hope you get the help you need.

Second, my DH took DC to the park, as requested. They had a great time and DC practiced riding the new "big" bike. Everyone was in a better mood when they got home. I got the small amount of work I needed to get done today done. I also posted on DCUM a bit and got a little prep work done on dinner. At no point did anyone panic or discover something was going to take a lot longer than they thought.

I posted because I was genuinely confused as to how I was supposed to let my DH know that I needed him to take over parenting duties while I did the work he was aware I needed to do. I found the conversation somewhat interesting. I agreed with some posters and did not agree with others. The only reason this thread is still going is because you have chosen it as the location for some kind of hallucinatory event.

Best of luck with whatever you have going on there.

You are a nasty piece of work OP. I feel sorry for your husband. Thank you for admitting that mental illness is common in your family, that explains everything.

OP seems pretty sane. You? Not so much.