S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having an affair gave me the courage to flee a bad relationship.

I never understood this thinking. Boning someone to get courage. I think leaving without resorting to doing ill like the other person allows you to keep your dignity and moral compass intact. I’d feel slimy cheating no matter what my situation were. I’m not sinking to their level.

I agree, especially if your actions are going to harm another woman/family. I don’t want to that to anyone.

Pp here. My AP was a very close friend and separated from his wife at the time (and soon after divorced); we are still platonic friends, each happily married to people who know about this blip in our shared history.

Not asking you to understand it, but perhaps be grateful you’ve never been in my position with such low self esteem from a relationship with a longterm partner who turned out to be a truly rotten bastard. The bump in self esteem (really: it was so low that it took realizing I actually was still a worthy and attractive woman) had me renting an apartment and walking out the door within a week. I defied the prick and felt stronger than I had in years. Yay for me.

While the wife of the guy you were courage boning was dealing with the sad reality of her broken marriage. Do they have kids? Were they even separated? (Lots of people claim they are “separated” to cheat.)

Ugh. cheating is just gross. I feel sorry for the kids of cheaters, having a parent constantly courageously boning strangers and playing hide the sausage instead of being a parent is lifelong trauma and toxic for everyone.

Why do cheaters convince themselves only they are important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Talk about self-serving self talk!

He is not TRAPPED. He just wants his cake and eat it too.

You have "landed" a lying husband and father's part time attention.

Not sure how one convinces oneself that is ANY kind of prize.

I doubt PP cares. She is in it for the sex.

Doubtful. The longer it goes on she’ll be dreaming if his wife dying in a car crash and/or hoping for their marriage to break up. They all get the feels. Her time already sounds like she does, and doing mental gymnastics about his wife being the bad guy, lapping up all of his lies and BS. The classic suspension of disbelief.

+1 yeah, I don’t believe this she loves the hot sex business past the first few months. What she loves is feeling like she is winning the competition (with an unknowing opponent wife.) Internalized misogyny and frustrated striving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Oy vey, PP. Please realize this is the version of his life that he is telling you. My DH also told his AP that he was in a miserable marriage blah blah blah. The reality was that we were playful, loving, had a very active sex life, regular date nights, etc.

This is the trademark of cheaters- villianizing their spouse to maximizing minimal discomfort in their marriage to make themselves not feel as guilty.

Unless you can read minds, you’ll never know if your DH was miserable or not.

I’m a DW and mostly miserable. My DH has no clue.

Why don’t you tell him? Maybe he’s miserable also, and you have no clue?

[Anonymous]

Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not having an affair, but could easily justify one. My husband chooses to drink instead of sleep with me. I have been very vocal about him stopping but he will not. Not only is he low drive, but he drinks until his penis doesn’t work.

I wouldn’t feel that guilty if I slept with someone else. He has had years to sleep with me and make things right and he has chosen not to do so.

Yep! Same here.

I met a much younger guy recently....nothing too bad has happened...yet.

How much younger?

20 yrs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy.

I'm repulsed by my abusive husband.

He has bankrupt us, making it really difficult to move out. He's also a high earning narcissist, so he uses every paycheck to golf, try to get into the pants of compliant cocktail waitresses, and drag out the divorce process.

So I cheat because I deserve to be loved. It's self care for me.

I wouldn't touch my STBX's diseased d!ck if it were the last one on earth.

If you're trying to divorce him, he's aware of this, you're no longer sleeping with him, and he's sleeping with other people, it's really not an affair.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

Decent people hate cheaters and cheating.

91% of Americans consider it to be either always or almost always wrong for married people to have sexual relations with someone other than their spouses, and in response to a separate but related question, 89% say that "married men and women having an affair" is morally unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

Surveys find solid disapproval of adultery in every country, yet technology and social media, modern lifestyles and flexible gender roles, films and news reports about the affairs of politicians and celebrities make the activity more visible worldwide. “Historically, most cultures consider the behavior immoral, and religions impose stiff penalties,” explains Joseph Chamie, demographer and former director of the UN Population Division, referring to a global survey across 40 countries reporting that more than 75 percent of respondents regard adultery as morally unacceptable.

https://archive-yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/world-agrees-adultery-while-prevalent-wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

Few behaviors seem to provoke near-universal condemnation more than marital infidelity. Even as Americans have become more accepting of premarital sex, teenage sex, and sex between people of the same gender, there is a near consensus that marital infidelity is wrong. A 2022 Gallup survey found that nearly 9 in 10 Americans believe marital infidelity is morally wrong; it elicits more consistent moral disapprobation than any of the 19 personal behaviors probed in the survey.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/liberal-and-conservative-women-have-very-different-views-about-marital-infidelity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

+1 most people don’t care. Life is not black and white: not a cheater and a woman. Cheating is not the worst thing ever… and no one cares

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

+1 most people don’t care. Life is not black and white: not a cheater and a woman. Cheating is not the worst thing ever… and no one cares

Few behaviors seem to provoke near-universal condemnation more than marital infidelity. Even as Americans have become more accepting of premarital sex, teenage sex, and sex between people of the same gender, there is a near consensus that marital infidelity is wrong. A 2022 Gallup survey found that nearly 9 in 10 Americans believe marital infidelity is morally wrong; it elicits more consistent moral disapprobation than any of the 19 personal behaviors probed in the survey.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/liberal-and-conservativ...views-about-marital-infidelity

9 in 10 Americans think cheaters are gross.