S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

I’d probably say it’s wrong in a survey because I’ve been conditioned to say that, but I don’t really care or judge. (Not a cheater, btw)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

+1 most people don’t care. Life is not black and white: not a cheater and a woman. Cheating is not the worst thing ever… and no one cares

If you’re directly impacted, I assure you, you will care.

I’m an NP and had a very lackadaisical attitude toward cheating (it happens, it’s not the worst thing ever) until my former spouse - with whom I shared children - cheated on me by meeting hook-ups on dating sites and soliciting hookers. Suddenly it mattered a lot to me!

[Anonymous]

Having an affair gave me the courage to flee a bad relationship.

This is such a self-serving justification. Just own that you had an affair bc you wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are justified in the same way that people justify not having regular sex with their spouse. The same fundamental question is at issue: Is sex important to a marriage? If YES: there would not ever be a sexless marriage, nor cheating. If NO: nothing wrong with infrequent marital sex, nothing wrong with the normal libido doing that unimportant thing (sex) elsewhere.

You would be right if cheating was all about sex. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for many people.

Most men who cheat do so only because their wife is uninterested. It’s rare for a married man who gets regular sex at home to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Most men who cheat do so only because their wife is uninterested. It’s rare for a married man who gets regular sex at home to cheat.

Except that’s not why most men cheat and it’s not at all rare fir a cheater to also be having regular sex with their spouse. Do you live under a rock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

I don’t ask people to justify cheating. I know cheaters are selfish liars who will victim blame and make up excuses. They’d rather do anything then accept fault, blame, or admit they are wrong.

The whole “not a cheater, but cheating is really ok” crowd here are definitely cheaters playing games.

Cheaters love drama, games, sneaking around, lying about everything, playing pretend, etc. It’s who they are and what they do. I feel sorry for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

I don’t ask people to justify cheating. I know cheaters are selfish liars who will victim blame and make up excuses. They’d rather do anything then accept fault, blame, or admit they are wrong.

The whole “not a cheater, but cheating is really ok” crowd here are definitely cheaters playing games.

Cheaters love drama, games, sneaking around, lying about everything, playing pretend, etc. It’s who they are and what they do. I feel sorry for their kids.

Um. That the title of the thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

I don’t ask people to justify cheating. I know cheaters are selfish liars who will victim blame and make up excuses. They’d rather do anything then accept fault, blame, or admit they are wrong.

The whole “not a cheater, but cheating is really ok” crowd here are definitely cheaters playing games.

Cheaters love drama, games, sneaking around, lying about everything, playing pretend, etc. It’s who they are and what they do. I feel sorry for their kids.

Um. That the title of the thread

She’s hurt and she needs to invite people to her threads to lash out. She feels some power for once until she doesn’t, again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

I don’t ask people to justify cheating. I know cheaters are selfish liars who will victim blame and make up excuses. They’d rather do anything then accept fault, blame, or admit they are wrong.

The whole “not a cheater, but cheating is really ok” crowd here are definitely cheaters playing games.

Cheaters love drama, games, sneaking around, lying about everything, playing pretend, etc. It’s who they are and what they do. I feel sorry for their kids.

Um. That the title of the thread

She’s hurt and she needs to invite people to her threads to lash out. She feels some power for once until she doesn’t, again.

It’s understandable, and certainly those who care, care A LOT.

But many simply don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

I don’t ask people to justify cheating. I know cheaters are selfish liars who will victim blame and make up excuses. They’d rather do anything then accept fault, blame, or admit they are wrong.

The whole “not a cheater, but cheating is really ok” crowd here are definitely cheaters playing games.

Cheaters love drama, games, sneaking around, lying about everything, playing pretend, etc. It’s who they are and what they do. I feel sorry for their kids.

Um. That the title of the thread

She’s hurt and she needs to invite people to her threads to lash out. She feels some power for once until she doesn’t, again.

It’s understandable, and certainly those who care, care A LOT.

But many simply don’t care.

Agreed. She and other betrayed folk want to think that post exposure “everyone” will “hate” people who have been unfaithful, even where it has nothing to do with their own lives at all. And maybe some feel that way but most people keep it moving and mind their own. That’s reality - but let the nuh-uh! screaming at this ensue, as it will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

Few behaviors seem to provoke near-universal condemnation more than marital infidelity. Even as Americans have become more accepting of premarital sex, teenage sex, and sex between people of the same gender, there is a near consensus that marital infidelity is wrong. A 2022 Gallup survey found that nearly 9 in 10 Americans believe marital infidelity is morally wrong; it elicits more consistent moral disapprobation than any of the 19 personal behaviors probed in the survey.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/liberal-and-conservative-women-have-very-different-views-about-marital-infidelity

And yet an even higher percentage of people actually cheat. Really, nobody in my social and professional circle cares. There used to be more condemnation when we were all younger and before having kids, when cheating was just cheating on a girlfriend or boyfriend, or a spouse to get some side action. Once there are kids in the picture, though, I feel like, and it seems most of my peers feel like, we have no idea what’s going on within a family, and it’s perfectly possible that one spouse is staying simply to assure time with the kids. I don’t have any views on whether or not someone cheats or not. I do care if they do it publicly and in a way that is humiliating are aggressive toward their spouse or children, but other than that, not my business. Don’t care. At all. Really don’t know anyone who cares in the instances I’ve been aware of. In fact, in the limited sample size I know of, people are more surprised the Chester didn’t both cheat and leave earlier. But really, don’t are or judge at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

I don’t ask people to justify cheating. I know cheaters are selfish liars who will victim blame and make up excuses. They’d rather do anything then accept fault, blame, or admit they are wrong.

The whole “not a cheater, but cheating is really ok” crowd here are definitely cheaters playing games.

Cheaters love drama, games, sneaking around, lying about everything, playing pretend, etc. It’s who they are and what they do. I feel sorry for their kids.

Um. That the title of the thread

She’s hurt and she needs to invite people to her threads to lash out. She feels some power for once until she doesn’t, again.

It’s understandable, and certainly those who care, care A LOT.

But many simply don’t care.

Agreed. She and other betrayed folk want to think that post exposure “everyone” will “hate” people who have been unfaithful, even where it has nothing to do with their own lives at all. And maybe some feel that way but most people keep it moving and mind their own. That’s reality - but let the nuh-uh! screaming at this ensue, as it will.

Do you think cheating is okay, then? That the only measure of whether it’s right or wrong is how the “public” reacts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

I don’t ask people to justify cheating. I know cheaters are selfish liars who will victim blame and make up excuses. They’d rather do anything then accept fault, blame, or admit they are wrong.

The whole “not a cheater, but cheating is really ok” crowd here are definitely cheaters playing games.

Cheaters love drama, games, sneaking around, lying about everything, playing pretend, etc. It’s who they are and what they do. I feel sorry for their kids.

Um. That the title of the thread

She’s hurt and she needs to invite people to her threads to lash out. She feels some power for once until she doesn’t, again.

It’s understandable, and certainly those who care, care A LOT.

But many simply don’t care.

Agreed. She and other betrayed folk want to think that post exposure “everyone” will “hate” people who have been unfaithful, even where it has nothing to do with their own lives at all. And maybe some feel that way but most people keep it moving and mind their own. That’s reality - but let the nuh-uh! screaming at this ensue, as it will.

Do you think cheating is okay, then? That the only measure of whether it’s right or wrong is how the “public” reacts?

It’s a sin like sodomy, homosexual acts or abortion. Part of the human condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rather than doing the respectable thing and properly ending your marriage first? Obviously it’s driven by selfishness: not wanting to lose access to your kids, having to give up some money, and no longer being able to carry on the “family man/woman” image. If your AP is single you’re likely giving them false hope, and if they’re also married you’re both scumbags.

How do you live with yourself?

I feel like the respectable thing is to stay in if there are kids. Marriage is for protection of kids. It's not just a romantic relationship anymore after there are kids. Not wanting to lose access to your kids is totally right. Not wanting to lose money that benefits your kids is totally right. ...

So I am sorry isf you were wronged, but your kids are more important in this scenario.

Sure, affairs are wrong, but also apparently run-of-the-mill for people who can't afford the consequences, and don't have enough emotional maturity to get it together, for the kids. You made a choice in marriage. The kids didn't make any choices, they are just stuck with you and your choices. His/her choice to cheat. His/her choice to be bitter. His/her choice to work too much, be distant, be wrapped up in relationship drama, or drunk, or just generally emotionall unavailable. IDGAF if your DH cheated on you. Do better by your kids. They are the main characters, not you.