Daughter double-pierced her own ears without my permission

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you say no to a double ear piercing for a 15.5yr old? Just curious. What was your reasoning?

NP. I’ve told my daughter no because I think it looks trashy. I think that’s why most parents say no. To each their own.

Same, I agree, it looks trashy. Neither of my DD's got extra piercings.

You again! Popping up on every thread to say this. Multiple piercings are very trendy right now, you are behind the times.

Still looks tacky, can't change that fact. Nothing worse than seeing my otherwise gorgeous DH with his sad little hole in the ear when he pierce it when he was younger, screams tacky. I'll stay classic and behind the times, trendy is not something I subscribe to, just me being me. You do you. My DD do not have extra piercings and have thanked me for holding the line when they were younger and impulsive.

Do you go around staring at earlobes for signs of old piercings?

May this kind of neuroticism never find me.

[Anonymous]

Double piercing my ears was one of the first things I did when I went to college! Literally the first weekend I was hanging out in Cambridge, I went to a hole in the wall ear piercing place by Newbury Comics and got it done.

My mom noticed on Parents' Weekend and was annoyed but I was 18 and paid for it myself.

I kept them for about 15-20 years. I don't wear anything in them now, though. The hole is visible but I don't think anyone looks that closely. I might see if I can still get an earring through the hole - I think tiny diamonds would be cute.

[Anonymous]

The conversation is on why she didn't come and talk to you before doing it and not the second piercing. The conversation is that your thoughts on older decisions can change as she gets older and a "no" from 2 years ago might not be a "no" today. You would have wanted to understand what she wanted to do and why and you might have changed your mind.

What I would focus on is how to reinforce that she needs to come talk to you about things even if she knows you will disagree. This is a second piercing but if she doesn't trust that she can come and talk to you about this, does she feel she can talk to you about sex? drinking? drugs? issues at school? Hopefully the answer is yes but that is the conversation I would be having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you say no to a double ear piercing for a 15.5yr old? Just curious. What was your reasoning?

NP. I’ve told my daughter no because I think it looks trashy. I think that’s why most parents say no. To each their own.

Same, I agree, it looks trashy. Neither of my DD's got extra piercings.

Agree. While I haven’t said this as a reason though. While it is “their body” there’s reasons why minors cannot legally make independent decisions to get piercings. Their brain isn’t developed and what you think is cool at 15, may not be what you like at 18+. It isn’t always NBD. You can get keloid scars from piercings, the hole can stretch, and even if you take out, sometimes the appearance of having a hole there doesn’t go away. While I agree that a second piercing isn’t a huge deal- it works both ways. You don’t NEED a second piercing. It isn’t going to add to your life or style in any significant way- unlike getting a single piercing in ears- which does add a lot of style and variance. I feel like there are more reasons to wait until older to venture into multiple piercings than to do it impulsively as a young teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The conversation is on why she didn't come and talk to you before doing it and not the second piercing. The conversation is that your thoughts on older decisions can change as she gets older and a "no" from 2 years ago might not be a "no" today. You would have wanted to understand what she wanted to do and why and you might have changed your mind.

What I would focus on is how to reinforce that she needs to come talk to you about things even if she knows you will disagree. This is a second piercing but if she doesn't trust that she can come and talk to you about this, does she feel she can talk to you about sex? drinking? drugs? issues at school? Hopefully the answer is yes but that is the conversation I would be having.

Agree. The ship has sailed on whether she can get a second piercing. So focus on the above.

[Anonymous]

She did it anyways… Change your approach OP

[Anonymous]

If she did it herself, she must have really wanted it done, and she saved money, so there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teenage daughter double pierced her own ears recently. She asked me several years ago if she could but I said no. She doesn’t realize I noticed. I’d like to talk with her about why she went behind my back and did it but am interested in how to approach her or any talking points that have worked with getting through to your teenager.

there's a gazillion worse things she could do. focus on ensuring there's no infection and keeping the piercings clean.

[Anonymous]

I am pleased to see so many nbd comments here. I think DCUM has evolved. White moms used to freak out over ear piercings a few years back

[Anonymous]

I did it myself at the same age. As in, with my own hands. My mother wasn’t someone I felt comfortable talking to.

Took my daughter to a piercing place myself when she asked for it for her 13th b-day. Hoping to continue to break the cycle of bad communication and control.

[Anonymous]

When she asked for double-piercing, that is!

[Anonymous]

Listen, my daughter is in a stem path. And the medical professionals she interacts with all have many piercings, as well as tattoos. This is just not a big deal anymore. And for the ones that care, they would not be a good employer fit for my DD anyway.

In terms of it being "trashy", honestly here's the deal: no one gives a flying F what you think. You may think your opinion matters. It doesn't. Except to show what a judgmental, stick-up-your-a$$, old fart you are.

[Anonymous]

Hah was just talking about this today. Triple pierced my ears in 8th grade (summer before 9th) after explicitly being told not to by my mom. She was mad but didn’t make me take them out. I still have them 25 years later, always wear earrings in them, and am a dr in a private practice. So, I’m doing okay 🤪 and I’m still loving the look!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. I would just tell her it looks great.

Why lie?

[Anonymous]

My friend double pierced my ear with a needle and ice when I was that age. I was able to hide it from my mom for about 2 days. . I am a fairly productive member of society now so I think there’s a good chance this won’t ruin your daughter either.