Daughter double-pierced her own ears without my permission

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD did this after she asked and got told no. So we took away ALL her earrings and held all her money for her so she couldn't buy more.

Wow you are a psycho.

+1. It's a little extreme for sure. But I would have just borrowed earrings from a friend and worn them when out of the house. Where there's a will, there's a way. These teens are always going to be one step ahead the most authoritarian dictator type parents like PP who think they've got them under their thumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD did this after she asked and got told no. So we took away ALL her earrings and held all her money for her so she couldn't buy more.

Wow you are a psycho.

+1. It's a little extreme for sure. But I would have just borrowed earrings from a friend and worn them when out of the house. Where there's a will, there's a way. These teens are always going to be one step ahead the most authoritarian dictator type parents like PP who think they've got them under their thumb.

Ha yep! This girl no doubt has a collection of earrings in her locker. Congrats to this pp for making earrings somehow even more exciting to a teen girl!

[Anonymous]

OP should have said 'yes' when she first asked. Then they could have been done professionally instead of on her own. She is plenty old enough.

[Anonymous]

I tried to double pierce my own but I couldn’t ever go through with it, or go through with any self piercing. Finally I went and had them double pierced at Claire’s when I was a teen. Everyone had at least double piercings. I rarely wear any earrings at all now.

If my daughter wanted to do this I would take her to a piercing shop. There are so many worse things. Have a discussion on care to make sure they don’t get infected. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the only question I’d have is for myself:

Why didn’t she feel like she could ask you THREE YEARS later?

What was your response the first time? That it was trashy? Not right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 15? I can't imagine caring about a second hole in an earlobe. That's crazy. She did it herself because you were unreasonable in saying no.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was her age, I triple pierced my own ears and bleached my hair. Both done in my bedroom. My very involved mother never batted an eye. She said it looked great. I’m now 50, have single piercings (let them grown in before college). And, my mom is my best friend. Op, it could be so much worse. Don’t over react.

You sound whacky. Moms aren’t supposed to be your “best friend.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was her age, I triple pierced my own ears and bleached my hair. Both done in my bedroom. My very involved mother never batted an eye. She said it looked great. I’m now 50, have single piercings (let them grown in before college). And, my mom is my best friend. Op, it could be so much worse. Don’t over react.

You sound whacky. Moms aren’t supposed to be your “best friend.”

When you’re 50? If your mom is your best friend when your 50 she did a lot right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was her age, I triple pierced my own ears and bleached my hair. Both done in my bedroom. My very involved mother never batted an eye. She said it looked great. I’m now 50, have single piercings (let them grown in before college). And, my mom is my best friend. Op, it could be so much worse. Don’t over react.

You sound whacky. Moms aren’t supposed to be your “best friend.”

When you’re 50? If your mom is your best friend when your 50 she did a lot right.

Many people have lost their mother by age 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was her age, I triple pierced my own ears and bleached my hair. Both done in my bedroom. My very involved mother never batted an eye. She said it looked great. I’m now 50, have single piercings (let them grown in before college). And, my mom is my best friend. Op, it could be so much worse. Don’t over react.

Did you have issues as a teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was her age, I triple pierced my own ears and bleached my hair. Both done in my bedroom. My very involved mother never batted an eye. She said it looked great. I’m now 50, have single piercings (let them grown in before college). And, my mom is my best friend. Op, it could be so much worse. Don’t over react.

Did you have issues as a teen?

OP was a teen in the 80s! She was probably into the punk scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was her age, I triple pierced my own ears and bleached my hair. Both done in my bedroom. My very involved mother never batted an eye. She said it looked great. I’m now 50, have single piercings (let them grown in before college). And, my mom is my best friend. Op, it could be so much worse. Don’t over react.

Did you have issues as a teen?

OP was a teen in the 80s! She was probably into the punk scene.

I would never have done something like this, especially if my parents told me not to.

[Anonymous]

I pierced my ears multiple times on my own with ice and a needle. I also had some professional facial piercings, my mother was. Dry overwrought about all of it, which just served to put space between us—space that remained between us when I let all the holes close a few years later so I could get a good job.

I think choosing your battles is a good thing, and talking with DD about why she felt she could not speak to you is even better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You are the parent. It is quite simple, if you do not want her to have them, tell her that she has to remove them immediately. If she does not, ground her, take her phone or something else that will get the point across. Ear piercing is not a big deal, but respect is.

Ok. So the lesson is don’t ask permission then just do what you want. Very respectful that way.

May I ask what you mean exactly? OP said that she had asked prior, but the answer was 'No'.

Next time she won't bother asking. Duh. If mom says no to everything and is unreasonable then why bother asking permission? Just do what you want. Then "oops sorry!" when it turns out she doesn't like it or, God forbid, finds it "trashy". She will smile at you and say she had no idea you would mind. You really can't see how this would play out?

OP here. You are making incorrect assumptions. I don’t say “no to everything”. In fact, the opposite. We have a wonderful relationship and I rarely have to say no. Hence, this act was a bit surprising. I was simply asking for help in talking about it with my daughter.

NP. What's to talk about? It's something harmless she did, and it makes no difference in the grand scheme of things.

If this is her biggest act of rebellion, consider yourself lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You are the parent. It is quite simple, if you do not want her to have them, tell her that she has to remove them immediately. If she does not, ground her, take her phone or something else that will get the point across. Ear piercing is not a big deal, but respect is.

Ok. So the lesson is don’t ask permission then just do what you want. Very respectful that way.

May I ask what you mean exactly? OP said that she had asked prior, but the answer was 'No'.

Next time she won't bother asking. Duh. If mom says no to everything and is unreasonable then why bother asking permission? Just do what you want. Then "oops sorry!" when it turns out she doesn't like it or, God forbid, finds it "trashy". She will smile at you and say she had no idea you would mind. You really can't see how this would play out?

OP here. You are making incorrect assumptions. I don’t say “no to everything”. In fact, the opposite. We have a wonderful relationship and I rarely have to say no. Hence, this act was a bit surprising. I was simply asking for help in talking about it with my daughter.

NP. What's to talk about? It's something harmless she did, and it makes no difference in the grand scheme of things.

If this is her biggest act of rebellion, consider yourself lucky.

Here's the thing: If her goal (conscious or not) is rebellion, and the response she gets is "looks great!", then she has to move on to nose or lips or whatever for more successful rebellion. It's a tricky dynamic.