Daughter double-pierced her own ears without my permission

[Anonymous]

ignore. Who cares? I did the same thing, but I was the type of kid who just did things without bothering to ask for permission. Then my mom wouldn't have had to bore me with her "talking points". No harm, no foul.

[Anonymous]

I think that asking why she did it without permission is not a good use of your time or this conversation. You know why she did it - she wanted to do it and you said no. Asking her to explain herself is just going to create a defensive conversation.

I agree with the PP that this is an opportunity for you to build your relationship with her around rebellious acts. It makes all the safety sense in the world to help her become more comfortable telling you things even if she thinks you'll disapprove.

[Anonymous]

Make sure she’s cleaning it properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure she’s cleaning it properly.

+1

My brother pierced his own ear and it got infected and was terrible. It's better to have it done professionally than to do it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Her body, her choice.

you can't say that re: one topic and not have it apply to other topics.

It's not her body, her choice...except for when I chime in and override that.

[Anonymous]

I also don't understand why a double-piercing is a big deal at that age. Do you mean she went and had it done or she did it herself? If she did it herself, I think the conversation should be more about why that is dangerous.

In any case, if that is a deal breaker for you for whatever reason, she shouldn't have done it. It's still your house and you are still the parent. But I think it should be a conversation and not a punishment unless she continues to act out against your wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also don't understand why a double-piercing is a big deal at that age. Do you mean she went and had it done or she did it herself? If she did it herself, I think the conversation should be more about why that is dangerous.

In any case, if that is a deal breaker for you for whatever reason, she shouldn't have done it. It's still your house and you are still the parent. But I think it should be a conversation and not a punishment unless she continues to act out against your wishes.

Absolutely agree…a conversation and not a punishment. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Haha I did the same thing at that age. My mom had said no, but I was a really good kid, never got in trouble, good grades, and I just really thought it was unfair and dumb and arbitrary and one night I just did it. Of course my mom noticed the next morning, I don’t know what I was thinking. She was furious and made me take them out and it further made the point that she was being ridiculous over something that I didn’t think was a big deal at all. She “let” me get them a year later and apologized.

I say just talk to her and then listen and reassess why your rules are your rules. Not that you can’t have tules, but you’ve got to pick your battles and get wins with a teen where you can if you want any credibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teenage daughter double pierced her own ears recently. She asked me several years ago if she could but I said no. She doesn’t realize I noticed. I’d like to talk with her about why she went behind my back and did it but am interested in how to approach her or any talking points that have worked with getting through to your teenager.

Pearls duly clutched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

15.5

Who the F cares - is this a hill you are going to die on? Double ear piercings are great

[Anonymous]

Ha! I did this as a teen too. But I pierced 4 holes in 1 ear and 3 in the other (I already had the first hole pierced). It is a very small rebellion in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haha I did the same thing at that age. My mom had said no, but I was a really good kid, never got in trouble, good grades, and I just really thought it was unfair and dumb and arbitrary and one night I just did it. Of course my mom noticed the next morning, I don’t know what I was thinking. She was furious and made me take them out and it further made the point that she was being ridiculous over something that I didn’t think was a big deal at all. She “let” me get them a year later and apologized.

I say just talk to her and then listen and reassess why your rules are your rules. Not that you can’t have tules, but you’ve got to pick your battles and get wins with a teen where you can if you want any credibility.

I did the same thing when I was 15 too! I was an A-student who never got in trouble and just wanted to rebel a little. My mom did not make me take them out, but I could tell she wasn't pleased.

On another note, I got my belly button pierced a few years later and totally regret it now. I took it out while I was pregnant and now my belly button is sort of misshapen. Agree with telling your daughter where you draw the line.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her you are disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teenage daughter double pierced her own ears recently. She asked me several years ago if she could but I said no. She doesn’t realize I noticed. I’d like to talk with her about why she went behind my back and did it but am interested in how to approach her or any talking points that have worked with getting through to your teenager.

Pearls duly clutched.

I don’t understand this comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. She's a smart cookie.

This has always been my motto.

I'd let it go. They're her ears and in 2 1/2 years she can do anything she wants with them. A second piercing is not a big deal in my book.