Daughter double-pierced her own ears without my permission

[Anonymous]

My teenage daughter double pierced her own ears recently. She asked me several years ago if she could but I said no. She doesn’t realize I noticed. I’d like to talk with her about why she went behind my back and did it but am interested in how to approach her or any talking points that have worked with getting through to your teenager.

[Anonymous]

So? It’s her body. Why do you think you get to control what she does with it?

[Anonymous]

Eh. I would just tell her it looks great.

[Anonymous]

Better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. She's a smart cookie.

[Anonymous]

double pierced at teen years - nbd
I would tell her you noticed and where you draw the line - eyebrows, nose etc.

Most kids have double piercing

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:double pierced at teen years - nbd
I would tell her you noticed and where you draw the line - eyebrows, nose etc.

Most kids have double piercing

Very helpful. Thank you for this insight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

15.5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. She's a smart cookie.

Never thought about it this way- you’re right

[Anonymous]

She's 15? I can't imagine caring about a second hole in an earlobe. That's crazy. She did it herself because you were unreasonable in saying no.

[Anonymous]

I did this as teen! Funny that I thought my parents wouldn’t notice, either. Haha. Anyway, my reasoning was that I wanted to double pierce my ears and it wasn’t hurting anyone. I was an A student, student government, athlete, etc. It was a small rebellion, I suppose, though I didn’t think of it like that at the time. I do have ADHD so impulsivity probably played a part, too. I think the only thing you can say is that you are disappointed that they went behind your back. My parents let me keep the piercing. I guess if you wanted to be strict, you could make her take the earrings out and close the holes up. I think that could back fire though.

[Anonymous]

I'm not entirely sure all 15.5 year olds would think it was something they needed to seek permission for. I'd tread lightly. In the grand scheme of things this is truly no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Why did you say no before? She obviously thought you'd say no again or didn't feel comfortable asking. Take this as an opportunity to build up your relationship. Approach her gently, tell her they look great, talk about why you said no before and maybe acknowledge that you were wrong, but also that you would've liked her to come to you at least with a heads up before doing this. Communication is key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this as teen! Funny that I thought my parents wouldn’t notice, either. Haha. Anyway, my reasoning was that I wanted to double pierce my ears and it wasn’t hurting anyone. I was an A student, student government, athlete, etc. It was a small rebellion, I suppose, though I didn’t think of it like that at the time. I do have ADHD so impulsivity probably played a part, too. I think the only thing you can say is that you are disappointed that they went behind your back. My parents let me keep the piercing. I guess if you wanted to be strict, you could make her take the earrings out and close the holes up. I think that could back fire though.

I agree, I think it’s a small act of rebellion. Not one I am going to make a huge deal out of. I’ll let her keep them but will let her know I was disappointed at the sneaking around part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you say no before? She obviously thought you'd say no again or didn't feel comfortable asking. Take this as an opportunity to build up your relationship. Approach her gently, tell her they look great, talk about why you said no before and maybe acknowledge that you were wrong, but also that you would've liked her to come to you at least with a heads up before doing this. Communication is key.

Super helpful, thank you!