Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

He doesn't have to. Adults get to make decisions for themselves and their families. The amount of pain some of you are expressing for this child is ridiculous.

It’s bothering everyone. We all want to include our nephew/cousin/grandson. Do you have a child? Would you take your child somewhere and allow them to watch other kids opening a gift and playing with that gift while they receive nothing?

NP. That would never come up in my family, because we would never do a gift exchange that not everyone could participate in. My SIL and her spouse and children are athiest. We gather around the holidays because that is when everyone has time off work/school, and we eat, drink and have a grand old time together with games, puzzles, a full dessert table. No gifts necessary. We mail gifts to the cousins who do celebrate Christmas.

Although I kinda agree that the BIL sounds controlling, this is what I would do. There are also Christian sects whose adherents don't exchange gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.

I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it.

A possible solution for one problem and then there's another. Surprise!

Yeah, it’s a problem, and it’s unfortunate that this is possibly going to be a problem at our family get together. If you think this is all made up, that’s your choice. I can see by the number of comments about how weird it is and how many think it could not possibly be real, that bil is indeed out of step with many atheists in this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, BIL is responsible for his kid's reaction. Not you. You're responsible for the other kids, and killing the gift giving to accommodate controlling BOL isn't responsible to the other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, BIL is responsible for his kid's reaction. Not you. You're responsible for the other kids, and killing the gift giving to accommodate controlling BOL isn't responsible to the other kids.

I agree. It’s not fair to everyone as a whole to stop something everyone loves because bil doesn’t want to participate.

[Anonymous]

Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, BIL is responsible for his kid's reaction. Not you. You're responsible for the other kids, and killing the gift giving to accommodate controlling BOL isn't responsible to the other kids.

I agree. It’s not fair to everyone as a whole to stop something everyone loves because bil doesn’t want to participate.

Did the OP actually say BIL is trying to stop the tradition? I thought their family just wasn’t going to participate. Which seems fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

She’s alienating her entire family and making their life more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

NP. BIL is compromising by participating in a Christmas gathering, because he knows spending time with family and cousin time and sharing a meal are all good things. That’s something he can do—show up to a Christmas celebration. What he can’t do is allow his kids to get Christmas gifts. See how he is, indeed, compromising and meeting people halfway for the sake of spending time together?

Team BIL.

Yes, he can allow his kid to get a friggin Christmas gift. He absolutely can. It means nothing. It certainly has nothing to do with believing in God.

The guy is a controlling dick.

It is a privilege of being Christian (even if secular) to think that Christmas gifts are not religious. They may be meant "culturally" but the exchange is still rooted in Christianity, which BIL is opposed to. He values family enough to come to the gathering and be together, even when he is against the holiday. Why isn't that enough? Raising a child outside of Christianity is a valid parenting choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

NP. BIL is compromising by participating in a Christmas gathering, because he knows spending time with family and cousin time and sharing a meal are all good things. That’s something he can do—show up to a Christmas celebration. What he can’t do is allow his kids to get Christmas gifts. See how he is, indeed, compromising and meeting people halfway for the sake of spending time together?

Team BIL.

Yes, he can allow his kid to get a friggin Christmas gift. He absolutely can. It means nothing. It certainly has nothing to do with believing in God.

The guy is a controlling dick.

It is a privilege of being Christian (even if secular) to think that Christmas gifts are not religious. They may be meant "culturally" but the exchange is still rooted in Christianity, which BIL is opposed to. He values family enough to come to the gathering and be together, even when he is against the holiday. Why isn't that enough? Raising a child outside of Christianity is a valid parenting choice.

It is a perfectly valid parenting choice for someone with a stick up his ass. You’re right about that.

Nobody is saying he should baptize his kid, send him to CCD, and turn him into a priest. They’re saying let his damned grandmother put a gift under a tree for him like a normal grandmother does and like normal son-in-law should respect. There are bigger issues in the world. The guy sounds exhausting, and he sounds like a prick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

NP. BIL is compromising by participating in a Christmas gathering, because he knows spending time with family and cousin time and sharing a meal are all good things. That’s something he can do—show up to a Christmas celebration. What he can’t do is allow his kids to get Christmas gifts. See how he is, indeed, compromising and meeting people halfway for the sake of spending time together?

Team BIL.

Yes, he can allow his kid to get a friggin Christmas gift. He absolutely can. It means nothing. It certainly has nothing to do with believing in God.

The guy is a controlling dick.

It is a privilege of being Christian (even if secular) to think that Christmas gifts are not religious. They may be meant "culturally" but the exchange is still rooted in Christianity, which BIL is opposed to. He values family enough to come to the gathering and be together, even when he is against the holiday. Why isn't that enough? Raising a child outside of Christianity is a valid parenting choice.

It is a perfectly valid parenting choice for someone with a stick up his ass. You’re right about that.

Nobody is saying he should baptize his kid, send him to CCD, and turn him into a priest. They’re saying let his damned grandmother put a gift under a tree for him like a normal grandmother does and like normal son-in-law should respect. There are bigger issues in the world. The guy sounds exhausting, and he sounds like a prick.

There are plenty of opportunities for "normal grandmothers" to lavish gifts on their grandchildren. Her daughter is asking her to skip this one occasion to respect their atheism.

[Anonymous]

At some point, there comes an understanding that party poopers just aren’t welcome.
I think let the chips fall where they may (and we know it won’t be pretty) but maybe after they will stop coming and it will be for the best. Or maybe your sister will come to her senses and leave the idiot.
Who knows? But it’s sometimes pointless to stop the natural flow of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it to him a prior unwrapped. Happy Wednesday!

❤️ If we did that and they left angrily, would we be bad people?

Yes. Why would you choose to alienate your sisters family and make her life more difficult.

You asked your sister a question (can we give Larlo a gift?), she gave you an answer (no thank you). You're taking her answer as a personal rejection and that's what's making this difficult.

No, that’s not true. My sister fully participated in Christmas until she got married. She had Christmas gifts galore as a child. Her grandmother gave her Christmas gifts. She ate candy and cookies at Christmas. She sat on Santa’s lap and had her picture taken, and watched Rudolph and Elf and all Christmas movies.

Now, after participating in Christmas and getting gifts and Christmas fun her whole life, we are supposed to change everything for her husband?