I do not like the parent population at my kids school

[Anonymous]

Just think what goes on inside these people’s minds and personal lives if this is what they do at school. Where their kids go to learn and make friends. What a sad group of people wasting their energy on this. If this is what gives them joy, how miserable they must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is in high school. Paul VI in South Riding. Oh holy hell. Vomit vomit vomit. The multiple kids Catholic school parents and the "we've always done it that way" crap. I'm astounded. I'm a Catholic and these "Catholics" are turning me off Catholicism. I'm staying away. DD doesn't want to change, but doesn't love it. PVI you are such a disappointment.

??? You are criticizing Catholics for having multiple kids?

Perfect example. Hang into your pearls Karen. The criticism is owning the processes, PTOs, because of the multiple kids. Get over yourself.p

Catholic here with two kids who didn’t grow up in this area. I have found the Catholic community in DC/MD suburbs to be pretty insular and cliquish. Very different from where I grew up in the northeast. Maybe that is what you are experiencing. If so, I’m sorry.

That's a good observation. It's one part of the population here that has remained pretty stable. They grew up together, went to school together, belonged to the same parishes, played CYO and other sports together, etc, etc. It seems they all know one another, dated in high school or are related. As adults they belong to the same clubs (when they belong to one), send their kids to the same schools.

It's insular and they don't care a bit.

It's been my experience and my DD's 100%.


It's not this way in the outer VA suburbs. It's peculiar to DC and VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:and I don't know what to do about it. It is a great school but I am miserable.My kids seem happy and that its what matters. I am miserable

How long have you been there? It's possible that connections will grow over time.

I have nothing in common with the parents at the school my child goes to and yet everyone is cordial and welcoming and I am definitely not miserable.

Is it a matter of you hoped to get your own friends when you enrolled your child? Say more so we understand why you are miserable, sounds like you are having a hard time with the unmet expectations.

I hav

Different poster here.

The thing is that at some schools, many people are NOT cordial or welcoming. That is the problem. I am NOT looking for my new BFFs or even friends but it would be nice if people who I chatted with 2 or 3 times at previous events would even acknowledge me when passing at the next event It's just weird. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday and have been in many DC circles of busy people who still manage to engage politely with others. So when SAHMs of high schoolers at our school look through me (and others) I know it's not because they're "too busy"; rather that they're just being obnoxious.
Vent over: I have met some lovely people and have a dozen or so I can chat with at events and a few that I will probably keep in touch with long after my kids graduate. But the rest I could really do without.

Not a private school situation. It's the mean high school kids not changing and being mean adults. Why do you want to be friends with people who make you feel bad? You have a few people who you say are lovely so put your energy there makes more sense.

Good question. I don't want to be friends with them. But being ignored and/or looked through by a large sector of a community that you are part of is grates over time and is quietly stressful/annoying. I don't think anyone likes that feeling. I'm 47 years old with teenagers and a high level job. I probably shouldn't give a crap but I don't like it. And this school is the only place I've felt this way since I was literally a teenager myself. I've never been treated this way in a professional setting, another DC social setting, etc.
I know I'm not alone because those I am friends with at the school (also highly functional professionals) are always quick to ask (prior to school-wide events) "are you going?" "will you be there?" Every time. It's like we cling to each others for a few friendly faces amongst a decidedly unfriendly crowd.
So why do we put up with this BS? Well the education is excellent, our kids are high schoolers who are reasonably happy (hard to move them) and it's fundamentally not about us.

You don’t want to make friends, you have a high level job, you don’t like being ignored.

You don’t like to be looked through by a large sector of your community.

My observation-
You are used to people deferring to you.
You are White.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW I’ve had kids in public and private and I have a hard time comprehending being “miserable” at the high school level because of the other parents. I am really sorry people feel this way, I just don’t understand how it even happens. I barely have contact with other parents by high school aside from polite conversations at various events. Is this not the norm?

OK, for the 100th time.

The thing is that the other parents ARE REFUSING TO HAVE POLITE CONVERSATIONS.

I'm one of the previous posters at a Big3 school that has a lot of social events/sporting events.
I'm not looking to make my new BFFs. But it sucks when at every game/parent event/BTS night, etc I get looked through like I don't exist by a large sector of the parents--including many I have met before (often multiple times).


I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE POLITE CONVERSATIONS. In fact, that's all i want. THAT is the issue.
There are schools (or grades within schools) where a decent chunk of the parent body will not talk to others unless they are of a certain financial/social standing. As in, they won't even have a 2 minutes chit-chat.



Do you think you might be intimating to other parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About to go through the admissions process this year. How does one pick up on this sort of thing before we actually commit to a school?? I have plenty of friends but would like to meet more friends through our kids’ school and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I don’t want to inadvertently join one of these cliquish schools!

St. Albans and Flint Hill have been named and seconded.

I'm curious about St. Pats, Beauvoir, NPS, and primary day. Because I've heard similar complaints.

NPS? I think parents there are way nerdier than at st pats and Beauvoir.

[Anonymous]

I have kids at private and DCPS schools. I am familiar with OP’s experience. Sadly I think the obnoxious parents behavior described is typical of UMC people in DC, not sure about the suburbs. The root of the issue may be the transitional and/or transactional nature of relationships here. I understand people are busy and all, but being kind, at least acknowledging another parent (especially after talking to them in other occasions) doesn’t cost much time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have kids at private and DCPS schools. I am familiar with OP’s experience. Sadly I think the obnoxious parents behavior described is typical of UMC people in DC, not sure about the suburbs. The root of the issue may be the transitional and/or transactional nature of relationships here. I understand people are busy and all, but being kind, at least acknowledging another parent (especially after talking to them in other occasions) doesn’t cost much time.

I’ve sent my kids to DCPS and charter schools and I have never once faced a situation where people wouldn’t even attempt polite conversations— and I’m Asian so I’m a minority at every school event I’ve ever attended. I’ve gone to majority black, white, and Latinx events and have always found people at least willing to say hello.

[Anonymous]

I find it especially pathetic when said obnoxious parents are hosting an event or something similar. In that occasion the parent may look super friendly taking with a (fake) smile on their face. Come Monday morning, they will be hit by amnesia and not remember anything about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids at private and DCPS schools. I am familiar with OP’s experience. Sadly I think the obnoxious parents behavior described is typical of UMC people in DC, not sure about the suburbs. The root of the issue may be the transitional and/or transactional nature of relationships here. I understand people are busy and all, but being kind, at least acknowledging another parent (especially after talking to them in other occasions) doesn’t cost much time.

I’ve sent my kids to DCPS and charter schools and I have never once faced a situation where people wouldn’t even attempt polite conversations— and I’m Asian so I’m a minority at every school event I’ve ever attended. I’ve gone to majority black, white, and Latinx events and have always found people at least willing to say hello.

I think it really depends on the school and us not a public or private thing. I'm a poc and the dcps my dc was at was intolerable because of the parents.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you all, but luckily, this likely does not affect you on a daily basis. A few hours of awkwardness throughout the school year at events. If I'm being honest, it's not like I'm volunteering a lot at the school or putting myself out there much. I also don't live in the same neighborhood(s) that many families live in and am not on social media, so I don't really expect them to know me. I also work and find that many of the "connected" people are SAHP.

Yes, it is rude not at least to acknowledge someone, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you all, but luckily, this likely does not affect you on a daily basis. A few hours of awkwardness throughout the school year at events. If I'm being honest, it's not like I'm volunteering a lot at the school or putting myself out there much. I also don't live in the same neighborhood(s) that many families live in and am not on social media, so I don't really expect them to know me. I also work and find that many of the "connected" people are SAHP.

Yes, it is rude not at least to acknowledge someone, though.

DP. Actually if you have multiple kids with 1-2 games each a week that is a lot of hours to be uncomfortable! So great it doesn’t affect you but clearly it affects op and others who sit and deal with these rude people and their very loud and fake cackling laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you all, but luckily, this likely does not affect you on a daily basis. A few hours of awkwardness throughout the school year at events. If I'm being honest, it's not like I'm volunteering a lot at the school or putting myself out there much. I also don't live in the same neighborhood(s) that many families live in and am not on social media, so I don't really expect them to know me. I also work and find that many of the "connected" people are SAHP.

Yes, it is rude not at least to acknowledge someone, though.

DP. Actually if you have multiple kids with 1-2 games each a week that is a lot of hours to be uncomfortable! So great it doesn’t affect you but clearly it affects op and others who sit and deal with these rude people and their very loud and fake cackling laugh.

Aren't you primarily there to watch the game?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you all, but luckily, this likely does not affect you on a daily basis. A few hours of awkwardness throughout the school year at events. If I'm being honest, it's not like I'm volunteering a lot at the school or putting myself out there much. I also don't live in the same neighborhood(s) that many families live in and am not on social media, so I don't really expect them to know me. I also work and find that many of the "connected" people are SAHP.

Yes, it is rude not at least to acknowledge someone, though.

DP. Actually if you have multiple kids with 1-2 games each a week that is a lot of hours to be uncomfortable! So great it doesn’t affect you but clearly it affects op and others who sit and deal with these rude people and their very loud and fake cackling laugh.

Aren't you primarily there to watch the game?

DP. Of course they are but are you that obtuse to not be able to acknowledge how it may feel for someone to sit alone when a group of parents are all sitting together nearby and making it clear to op they are not welcome? Come on how can you not understand her feelings? Are you part of the mean mom group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and I don't know what to do about it. It is a great school but I am miserable.My kids seem happy and that its what matters. I am miserable

How long have you been there? It's possible that connections will grow over time.

I have nothing in common with the parents at the school my child goes to and yet everyone is cordial and welcoming and I am definitely not miserable.

Is it a matter of you hoped to get your own friends when you enrolled your child? Say more so we understand why you are miserable, sounds like you are having a hard time with the unmet expectations.

I hav

Different poster here.

The thing is that at some schools, many people are NOT cordial or welcoming. That is the problem. I am NOT looking for my new BFFs or even friends but it would be nice if people who I chatted with 2 or 3 times at previous events would even acknowledge me when passing at the next event It's just weird. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday and have been in many DC circles of busy people who still manage to engage politely with others. So when SAHMs of high schoolers at our school look through me (and others) I know it's not because they're "too busy"; rather that they're just being obnoxious.
Vent over: I have met some lovely people and have a dozen or so I can chat with at events and a few that I will probably keep in touch with long after my kids graduate. But the rest I could really do without.

Not a private school situation. It's the mean high school kids not changing and being mean adults. Why do you want to be friends with people who make you feel bad? You have a few people who you say are lovely so put your energy there makes more sense.

Good question. I don't want to be friends with them. But being ignored and/or looked through by a large sector of a community that you are part of is grates over time and is quietly stressful/annoying. I don't think anyone likes that feeling. I'm 47 years old with teenagers and a high level job. I probably shouldn't give a crap but I don't like it. And this school is the only place I've felt this way since I was literally a teenager myself. I've never been treated this way in a professional setting, another DC social setting, etc.
I know I'm not alone because those I am friends with at the school (also highly functional professionals) are always quick to ask (prior to school-wide events) "are you going?" "will you be there?" Every time. It's like we cling to each others for a few friendly faces amongst a decidedly unfriendly crowd.
So why do we put up with this BS? Well the education is excellent, our kids are high schoolers who are reasonably happy (hard to move them) and it's fundamentally not about us.

You don’t want to make friends, you have a high level job, you don’t like being ignored.

You don’t like to be looked through by a large sector of your community.

My observation-
You are used to people deferring to you.
You are White.

I think there is some truth to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you all, but luckily, this likely does not affect you on a daily basis. A few hours of awkwardness throughout the school year at events. If I'm being honest, it's not like I'm volunteering a lot at the school or putting myself out there much. I also don't live in the same neighborhood(s) that many families live in and am not on social media, so I don't really expect them to know me. I also work and find that many of the "connected" people are SAHP.

Yes, it is rude not at least to acknowledge someone, though.

DP. Actually if you have multiple kids with 1-2 games each a week that is a lot of hours to be uncomfortable! So great it doesn’t affect you but clearly it affects op and others who sit and deal with these rude people and their very loud and fake cackling laugh.

Aren't you primarily there to watch the game?

DP. Of course they are but are you that obtuse to not be able to acknowledge how it may feel for someone to sit alone when a group of parents are all sitting together nearby and making it clear to op they are not welcome? Come on how can you not understand her feelings? Are you part of the mean mom group?

DP. Idk. I’m not at all part of the social mom crowd but at sports events I politely nod to people at most. I’m there to watch the game! I don’t think I’ve even ever noticed who is sitting with someone else.

I’m puzzled by what people are reporting here. Not doubting it, just puzzled by how it even happens.