I do not like the parent population at my kids school

[Anonymous]

and I don't know what to do about it. It is a great school but I am miserable.My kids seem happy and that its what matters. I am miserable

[Anonymous]

What is it about them that you don’t like?

[Anonymous]

Private school parent here. You don’t have to spend that much time with these people. How can you be miserable? Also, I think it might be a “you” problem. There are all types of parents at most independent schools and you can usually find an acquaintance or two. Are you at a religious school?

[Anonymous]

The good news is, you personally don't actually have to spend much time there. Plenty of parents just drop off and pick up and don't volunteer or attend parent only events, and you can be one of them. You'll have to just suck it up at events for students and parents together, otherwise enjoy your other friends and life, and be grateful your kids are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and I don't know what to do about it. It is a great school but I am miserable.My kids seem happy and that its what matters. I am miserable

How long have you been there? It's possible that connections will grow over time.

I have nothing in common with the parents at the school my child goes to and yet everyone is cordial and welcoming and I am definitely not miserable.

Is it a matter of you hoped to get your own friends when you enrolled your child? Say more so we understand why you are miserable, sounds like you are having a hard time with the unmet expectations.

[Anonymous]

I’ve found my people at our private but some of the other parents are really unfriendly. My kid and a friend wanted to get together on a Friday after school. I don’t know the mom but we have an online directory so I texted the number for the mom. Nothing, I emailed the mom, still nothing. I told DD I’ve done all I can do. I don’t get it, we were new last year and my kid is in 5th. I really think you need to find your people though OP. They are out there, just just might not be who you think they are. Volunteer for stuff, join the pta/pto if there is one etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private school parent here. You don’t have to spend that much time with these people. How can you be miserable? Also, I think it might be a “you” problem. There are all types of parents at most independent schools and you can usually find an acquaintance or two. Are you at a religious school?

This is true of public schools as well. I attended both and then had my kids in both.

There’s a range of people, but you won’t ever see everyone at their best at same time because people respond differently to stress, even good stress. You might not make a good friend, but you can probably find someone to sit with at the Fall auction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve found my people at our private but some of the other parents are really unfriendly. My kid and a friend wanted to get together on a Friday after school. I don’t know the mom but we have an online directory so I texted the number for the mom. Nothing, I emailed the mom, still nothing. I told DD I’ve done all I can do. I don’t get it, we were new last year and my kid is in 5th. I really think you need to find your people though OP. They are out there, just just might not be who you think they are. Volunteer for stuff, join the pta/pto if there is one etc.

Same. Totally happens in public school. NP I too texted and emailed a mom because my DD wanted to do a playdate and she completely ghosted me. She asked about my education and job one day and then started asking for playdates. It was the grossest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and I don't know what to do about it. It is a great school but I am miserable.My kids seem happy and that its what matters. I am miserable

How long have you been there? It's possible that connections will grow over time.

I have nothing in common with the parents at the school my child goes to and yet everyone is cordial and welcoming and I am definitely not miserable.

Is it a matter of you hoped to get your own friends when you enrolled your child? Say more so we understand why you are miserable, sounds like you are having a hard time with the unmet expectations.

I hav

Different poster here.

The thing is that at some schools, many people are NOT cordial or welcoming. That is the problem. I am NOT looking for my new BFFs or even friends but it would be nice if people who I chatted with 2 or 3 times at previous events would even acknowledge me when passing at the next event It's just weird. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday and have been in many DC circles of busy people who still manage to engage politely with others. So when SAHMs of high schoolers at our school look through me (and others) I know it's not because they're "too busy"; rather that they're just being obnoxious.
Vent over: I have met some lovely people and have a dozen or so I can chat with at events and a few that I will probably keep in touch with long after my kids graduate. But the rest I could really do without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and I don't know what to do about it. It is a great school but I am miserable.My kids seem happy and that its what matters. I am miserable

How long have you been there? It's possible that connections will grow over time.

I have nothing in common with the parents at the school my child goes to and yet everyone is cordial and welcoming and I am definitely not miserable.

Is it a matter of you hoped to get your own friends when you enrolled your child? Say more so we understand why you are miserable, sounds like you are having a hard time with the unmet expectations.

I hav

Different poster here.

The thing is that at some schools, many people are NOT cordial or welcoming. That is the problem. I am NOT looking for my new BFFs or even friends but it would be nice if people who I chatted with 2 or 3 times at previous events would even acknowledge me when passing at the next event It's just weird. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday and have been in many DC circles of busy people who still manage to engage politely with others. So when SAHMs of high schoolers at our school look through me (and others) I know it's not because they're "too busy"; rather that they're just being obnoxious.
Vent over: I have met some lovely people and have a dozen or so I can chat with at events and a few that I will probably keep in touch with long after my kids graduate. But the rest I could really do without.

Not a private school situation. It's the mean high school kids not changing and being mean adults. Why do you want to be friends with people who make you feel bad? You have a few people who you say are lovely so put your energy there makes more sense.

[Anonymous]

DC went private for HS from public school. DC loves the school and we all couldn’t be happier. I have yet to make a mom friend though. I volunteer at events and will chat then, but that’s it. Mom’s’ friends groups flourish but I’m not part of it. Sometimes I wish I were invited, but I don’t stress about it too much. It’s a bit awkward at lunches and galas, when I don’t belong to a group. It’s like being socially awkward in high school all over again for me. But kid is doing just fine and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. For what it’s worth, I went to an elite private school for middle and high school, and a T20 college so it’s not as if I’m unfamiliar with the private school social scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and I don't know what to do about it. It is a great school but I am miserable.My kids seem happy and that its what matters. I am miserable

How long have you been there? It's possible that connections will grow over time.

I have nothing in common with the parents at the school my child goes to and yet everyone is cordial and welcoming and I am definitely not miserable.

Is it a matter of you hoped to get your own friends when you enrolled your child? Say more so we understand why you are miserable, sounds like you are having a hard time with the unmet expectations.

I hav

Different poster here.

The thing is that at some schools, many people are NOT cordial or welcoming. That is the problem. I am NOT looking for my new BFFs or even friends but it would be nice if people who I chatted with 2 or 3 times at previous events would even acknowledge me when passing at the next event It's just weird. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday and have been in many DC circles of busy people who still manage to engage politely with others. So when SAHMs of high schoolers at our school look through me (and others) I know it's not because they're "too busy"; rather that they're just being obnoxious.
Vent over: I have met some lovely people and have a dozen or so I can chat with at events and a few that I will probably keep in touch with long after my kids graduate. But the rest I could really do without.

Not a private school situation. It's the mean high school kids not changing and being mean adults. Why do you want to be friends with people who make you feel bad? You have a few people who you say are lovely so put your energy there makes more sense.

Good question. I don't want to be friends with them. But being ignored and/or looked through by a large sector of a community that you are part of is grates over time and is quietly stressful/annoying. I don't think anyone likes that feeling. I'm 47 years old with teenagers and a high level job. I probably shouldn't give a crap but I don't like it. And this school is the only place I've felt this way since I was literally a teenager myself. I've never been treated this way in a professional setting, another DC social setting, etc.
I know I'm not alone because those I am friends with at the school (also highly functional professionals) are always quick to ask (prior to school-wide events) "are you going?" "will you be there?" Every time. It's like we cling to each others for a few friendly faces amongst a decidedly unfriendly crowd.
So why do we put up with this BS? Well the education is excellent, our kids are high schoolers who are reasonably happy (hard to move them) and it's fundamentally not about us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve found my people at our private but some of the other parents are really unfriendly. My kid and a friend wanted to get together on a Friday after school. I don’t know the mom but we have an online directory so I texted the number for the mom. Nothing, I emailed the mom, still nothing. I told DD I’ve done all I can do. I don’t get it, we were new last year and my kid is in 5th. I really think you need to find your people though OP. They are out there, just just might not be who you think they are. Volunteer for stuff, join the pta/pto if there is one etc.

Huh?? That's it? Do you know if that is a cell or a landline where you are texting??Do you think that the email could be a catch all email for her and not her work email? I usually don't hand out my cell or my work email for a student directory. You sound like you want to take offense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC went private for HS from public school. DC loves the school and we all couldn’t be happier. I have yet to make a mom friend though. I volunteer at events and will chat then, but that’s it. Mom’s’ friends groups flourish but I’m not part of it. Sometimes I wish I were invited, but I don’t stress about it too much. It’s a bit awkward at lunches and galas, when I don’t belong to a group. It’s like being socially awkward in high school all over again for me. But kid is doing just fine and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. For what it’s worth, I went to an elite private school for middle and high school, and a T20 college so it’s not as if I’m unfamiliar with the private school social scene.

Why do you think it is this way? Did the school start in an earlier grade and not add a lot for ninth, so other moms were already friends and you were new? I also think that when you meet parents by the time your kid is already pretty independent (high school) there is less incentive for parents to befriend each other.

[Anonymous]

How on earth could this make you miserable? You aren't going to school there, your kid is. You can't make polite conversation for 5 minutes with whoever sits next to you on parent night?