Have you ever backed out of a multi-family trip last-minute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people here behaving like OP is committing a federal crime sound like lunatics. I am glad I don’t know anyone like that IRL. If one of my dear friends told me that she was completely frazzled and needed to recuperate I would be disappointed but understand her need. I would certainly not come down on her like a ton of bricks.
Be better.

You have no idea if you know anyone like this IRL. I'm one of the people disappointed in OP, and I wouldn't tell her or you this IRL. I'd smile and say "no problem" while recategorizing her as someone who knowingly overbooked her summer and when it came time to cut something, we were at the top of the list. I'm sorry, that's just how I would feel. You don't get to tell me my feelings are wrong.

So you’re just vindictive and petty.

No. I just don't like feeling like someone's lowest priority. If that doesn't bother you, good for you. Again, my feelings are mine. You don't get to say what they should or should not be.

NP -- It must be very hard going through life thinking that everything is about you. I mean that quite sincerely. Have you tried to use empathy and imagination?

OP had numerous things she could have eliminated to simply her summer and/or give herself a break. She chose this particular trip to cut. I'm simply stating a fact.

I am the OP. I went back and forth over what I could not do. Back out of a work project? Not doable. Not go on vacation with my rather stressful extended family? Not a choice. Not send my kid to camp? It's nonrefundable. I'm just a person doing their best. I hope you give your friends grace

I think the people here who are criticizing you have either never experienced grace or have never recognized it. The first is sad, but the second is even more so because they can't see themselves clearly.

[Anonymous]

At this point in the pandemic, I would give my friends grace - and know my true friends would do the same. Also juggling a lead up to sleep away camp requirements and hoped we weren't dealing with BA5 and yet here we are again. Just tell them soon so that if they want to loop someone else in they can - but otherwise, I'm investing time with friends who get it and say "its ok"....and not sweating the rest of it these days. Its all just too much - wish you well and less stress!

[Anonymous]

Just go, you will be glad you did. Laundry not important

[Anonymous]

Wow if someone cancelled days prior because she needed to do laundry, I would be pissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow if someone cancelled days prior because she needed to do laundry, I would be pissed.

That's not what the post said, but oh my

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow if someone cancelled days prior because she needed to do laundry, I would be pissed.

That's not what the post said, but oh my

She said she needs a weekend to do laundry and downtime. I would do this after daughter goes to gymnastics camp.

Have kids do laundry. If her daughter is old enough to go away by herself, daughter is old enough to help out with laundry. I also give my kids a list on what to pack. I then check and add/take out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow if someone cancelled days prior because she needed to do laundry, I would be pissed.

That's not what the post said, but oh my

She said she needs a weekend to do laundry and downtime. I would do this after daughter goes to gymnastics camp.

Have kids do laundry. If her daughter is old enough to go away by herself, daughter is old enough to help out with laundry. I also give my kids a list on what to pack. I then check and add/take out.

Have you ever packed a kid for a month at camp? Have you ever needed a break? These posts are weirdly robotic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people here behaving like OP is committing a federal crime sound like lunatics. I am glad I don’t know anyone like that IRL. If one of my dear friends told me that she was completely frazzled and needed to recuperate I would be disappointed but understand her need. I would certainly not come down on her like a ton of bricks.
Be better.

You have no idea if you know anyone like this IRL. I'm one of the people disappointed in OP, and I wouldn't tell her or you this IRL. I'd smile and say "no problem" while recategorizing her as someone who knowingly overbooked her summer and when it came time to cut something, we were at the top of the list. I'm sorry, that's just how I would feel. You don't get to tell me my feelings are wrong.

So you’re just vindictive and petty.

No. I just don't like feeling like someone's lowest priority. If that doesn't bother you, good for you. Again, my feelings are mine. You don't get to say what they should or should not be.

NP -- It must be very hard going through life thinking that everything is about you. I mean that quite sincerely. Have you tried to use empathy and imagination?

OP had numerous things she could have eliminated to simply her summer and/or give herself a break. She chose this particular trip to cut. I'm simply stating a fact.

I am the OP. I went back and forth over what I could not do. Back out of a work project? Not doable. Not go on vacation with my rather stressful extended family? Not a choice. Not send my kid to camp? It's nonrefundable. I'm just a person doing their best. I hope you give your friends grace

I think the people here who are criticizing you have either never experienced grace or have never recognized it. The first is sad, but the second is even more so because they can't see themselves clearly.

No, we just have our $hit together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people here behaving like OP is committing a federal crime sound like lunatics. I am glad I don’t know anyone like that IRL. If one of my dear friends told me that she was completely frazzled and needed to recuperate I would be disappointed but understand her need. I would certainly not come down on her like a ton of bricks.
Be better.

You have no idea if you know anyone like this IRL. I'm one of the people disappointed in OP, and I wouldn't tell her or you this IRL. I'd smile and say "no problem" while recategorizing her as someone who knowingly overbooked her summer and when it came time to cut something, we were at the top of the list. I'm sorry, that's just how I would feel. You don't get to tell me my feelings are wrong.

So you’re just vindictive and petty.

No. I just don't like feeling like someone's lowest priority. If that doesn't bother you, good for you. Again, my feelings are mine. You don't get to say what they should or should not be.

NP -- It must be very hard going through life thinking that everything is about you. I mean that quite sincerely. Have you tried to use empathy and imagination?

OP had numerous things she could have eliminated to simply her summer and/or give herself a break. She chose this particular trip to cut. I'm simply stating a fact.

I am the OP. I went back and forth over what I could not do. Back out of a work project? Not doable. Not go on vacation with my rather stressful extended family? Not a choice. Not send my kid to camp? It's nonrefundable. I'm just a person doing their best. I hope you give your friends grace

DP, but why is the bolded not a choice? Of course it's a choice. That's the one thing I don't understand - and I do have very stressful family. I sure as hell don't prioritize them over the friends who are there for me through thick and thin.

Now, I think many people are putting too much weight on this one weekend trip, but broadly, it's worth considering where we invest our energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people here behaving like OP is committing a federal crime sound like lunatics. I am glad I don’t know anyone like that IRL. If one of my dear friends told me that she was completely frazzled and needed to recuperate I would be disappointed but understand her need. I would certainly not come down on her like a ton of bricks.
Be better.

You have no idea if you know anyone like this IRL. I'm one of the people disappointed in OP, and I wouldn't tell her or you this IRL. I'd smile and say "no problem" while recategorizing her as someone who knowingly overbooked her summer and when it came time to cut something, we were at the top of the list. I'm sorry, that's just how I would feel. You don't get to tell me my feelings are wrong.

So you’re just vindictive and petty.

No. I just don't like feeling like someone's lowest priority. If that doesn't bother you, good for you. Again, my feelings are mine. You don't get to say what they should or should not be.

NP -- It must be very hard going through life thinking that everything is about you. I mean that quite sincerely. Have you tried to use empathy and imagination?

OP had numerous things she could have eliminated to simply her summer and/or give herself a break. She chose this particular trip to cut. I'm simply stating a fact.

I am the OP. I went back and forth over what I could not do. Back out of a work project? Not doable. Not go on vacation with my rather stressful extended family? Not a choice. Not send my kid to camp? It's nonrefundable. I'm just a person doing their best. I hope you give your friends grace

I think the people here who are criticizing you have either never experienced grace or have never recognized it. The first is sad, but the second is even more so because they can't see themselves clearly.

No, we just have our $hit together.

I don’t want to vacation with rigid, unforgiving people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people here behaving like OP is committing a federal crime sound like lunatics. I am glad I don’t know anyone like that IRL. If one of my dear friends told me that she was completely frazzled and needed to recuperate I would be disappointed but understand her need. I would certainly not come down on her like a ton of bricks.
Be better.

You have no idea if you know anyone like this IRL. I'm one of the people disappointed in OP, and I wouldn't tell her or you this IRL. I'd smile and say "no problem" while recategorizing her as someone who knowingly overbooked her summer and when it came time to cut something, we were at the top of the list. I'm sorry, that's just how I would feel. You don't get to tell me my feelings are wrong.

So you’re just vindictive and petty.

No. I just don't like feeling like someone's lowest priority. If that doesn't bother you, good for you. Again, my feelings are mine. You don't get to say what they should or should not be.

NP -- It must be very hard going through life thinking that everything is about you. I mean that quite sincerely. Have you tried to use empathy and imagination?

OP had numerous things she could have eliminated to simply her summer and/or give herself a break. She chose this particular trip to cut. I'm simply stating a fact.

I am the OP. I went back and forth over what I could not do. Back out of a work project? Not doable. Not go on vacation with my rather stressful extended family? Not a choice. Not send my kid to camp? It's nonrefundable. I'm just a person doing their best. I hope you give your friends grace

DP, but why is the bolded not a choice? Of course it's a choice. That's the one thing I don't understand - and I do have very stressful family. I sure as hell don't prioritize them over the friends who are there for me through thick and thin.

Now, I think many people are putting too much weight on this one weekend trip, but broadly, it's worth considering where we invest our energy.

I think part of having friends who are "there for you through thick and thin" is being a forgiving friend who can see when another one is hitting a wall. That's how true friendship is built and sustained, not by forcing someone to check a box and show up at a weekend trip when they're at the end of a rope. We all just do our best and try to make the right choices. Honestly, some people can't get out of a big family vacation without it causing major in-law fallout, spouse fights, god knows what else. Whereas saying to a dear friend or two, hey, I need a weekend at home, is far easier. Life isn't so black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people here behaving like OP is committing a federal crime sound like lunatics. I am glad I don’t know anyone like that IRL. If one of my dear friends told me that she was completely frazzled and needed to recuperate I would be disappointed but understand her need. I would certainly not come down on her like a ton of bricks.
Be better.

You have no idea if you know anyone like this IRL. I'm one of the people disappointed in OP, and I wouldn't tell her or you this IRL. I'd smile and say "no problem" while recategorizing her as someone who knowingly overbooked her summer and when it came time to cut something, we were at the top of the list. I'm sorry, that's just how I would feel. You don't get to tell me my feelings are wrong.

So you’re just vindictive and petty.

No. I just don't like feeling like someone's lowest priority. If that doesn't bother you, good for you. Again, my feelings are mine. You don't get to say what they should or should not be.

NP -- It must be very hard going through life thinking that everything is about you. I mean that quite sincerely. Have you tried to use empathy and imagination?

OP had numerous things she could have eliminated to simply her summer and/or give herself a break. She chose this particular trip to cut. I'm simply stating a fact.

I am the OP. I went back and forth over what I could not do. Back out of a work project? Not doable. Not go on vacation with my rather stressful extended family? Not a choice. Not send my kid to camp? It's nonrefundable. I'm just a person doing their best. I hope you give your friends grace

DP, but why is the bolded not a choice? Of course it's a choice. That's the one thing I don't understand - and I do have very stressful family. I sure as hell don't prioritize them over the friends who are there for me through thick and thin.

Now, I think many people are putting too much weight on this one weekend trip, but broadly, it's worth considering where we invest our energy.

I think part of having friends who are "there for you through thick and thin" is being a forgiving friend who can see when another one is hitting a wall. That's how true friendship is built and sustained, not by forcing someone to check a box and show up at a weekend trip when they're at the end of a rope. We all just do our best and try to make the right choices. Honestly, some people can't get out of a big family vacation without it causing major in-law fallout, spouse fights, god knows what else. Whereas saying to a dear friend or two, hey, I need a weekend at home, is far easier. Life isn't so black and white.

Yeah, I didn't suggest the world is only black or white. I specifically pointed out that many people are blowing this particular weekend out of proportion. It can be very difficult to balance various life commitments. And, of course, people have to prioritize their own reserves in order to be a good friend.

The more honest way to say "not a choice" in this case is that the choice to turn down a stressful family vacation isn't worth the fallout, even if that means ultimately being too overwhelmed to join friends for a weekend tradition. If a close friend said that to me, of course I would understand, as I would expect them to do for me. That's a very different tone than "I had no choice," which is what I think some people on this thread are reacting to.