Have you ever backed out of a multi-family trip last-minute?

[Anonymous]

I would feel the same way as you do.

It's okay. They do not have to understand or agree with your decision. You can make a brief explanation, but don't go on and on or sound like you are open to persuasion.

BUT, it is important that you contribute whatever money they might lose (if any) because you decided late. And say you are sorry. That you have learned a lesson and next year will be sure to clear some space before and after the trip so you are not so overwhelmed.

(But when you are overwhelmed, it is healthy to recognize it and adjust accordingly)

[Anonymous]

You should have thought of this before. This is incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a spouse who can take the kids, and you can join them a day or two later?

I feel you on the exhaustion, but the trip might do you good if you can have a day or two solo first, so you get some solitude and feel like you have your act together.

It's a three-day trip, so really it wouldn't make much sense to go up separately, and honestly the COVID element concerns me prior to gymnastics camp because we'd be out a lot of money.
I am so torn and so tired and frazzled.

Did you just book the camp or do you feel your whimish fears are more important than other people’s plans. Seriously not okay timing,

[Anonymous]

This is the perfect time for you to get Covid. I think your excuses sound very lame, but I sympathize with you not wanting to go. Just text everyone and say you have a sore throat and just tested positive on a home test. You can have a "mild case" but time it so it doesn't look like you're pulling something weird with gymnastics camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop letting this weigh on you. Text them NOW "You guys I am so sorry but we just can't make it this summer. It breaks my heart because I love our time together. Please have a great time for me! Much love, Kim!"

This. Friends understand. The only reason not to do this is if you can send your DH with younger child(ren). The question there is whether your oldest will be upset, but she's the one going to gymnastics camps, so she should understand that. (Plus, you can promise a special mom-daughter movie night to make up for it.)

[Anonymous]

You’re too close. You gotta go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have thought of this before. This is incredibly selfish.

How is it selfish when nobody is losing money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your friend and you bailed on a trip because you wanted to stay home and do laundry…I would be hurt and annoyed. It’s going to take you more than 3 days to pack your daughter for gymnastics camp?! If your daughter is old enough to go to sleep away camp, she’s old enough to pack for a weekend at the beach AND her camp stuff. Tell her to get started now and you can just check to make sure she has enough pairs of underwear or whatever. And quite frankly she can do her own laundry, maybe pay her to do some of yours! Won’t your kid be bummed to miss the trip?? Do you have a spouse in this who can help?

Also, lean on your friends this year. Tell them you have a really busy week, boss just quit etc and can you phone it in on the groceries this year - see if you can just venmo someone else money to deal with your share and pay for takeout for your night for dinner. If I were a friend I would gladly pick up some slack on the logistics if it meant getting to see you vs you bailing at the last minute.

I'm the OP - I should have included in my post that we live on the same block so we see each other all the time, this isn't a reunion.

NP and I think in that case you should go in person and talk to the one who owns the house and let them know you can’t make it. Just tell the truth. You way over estimated how much stuff you would be able to do on the schedule and you are just now struggling and very exhausted and just can’t do it all. Apologize profusely and thank them for their generosity. And also take a moment to realize as your kids get older and the years go by you won’t be as interested in doing this summer weekend every single summer. Next year it may very well be another neighbor who backs out bc they out their own families needs first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your friend and you bailed on a trip because you wanted to stay home and do laundry…I would be hurt and annoyed. It’s going to take you more than 3 days to pack your daughter for gymnastics camp?! If your daughter is old enough to go to sleep away camp, she’s old enough to pack for a weekend at the beach AND her camp stuff. Tell her to get started now and you can just check to make sure she has enough pairs of underwear or whatever. And quite frankly she can do her own laundry, maybe pay her to do some of yours! Won’t your kid be bummed to miss the trip?? Do you have a spouse in this who can help?

Also, lean on your friends this year. Tell them you have a really busy week, boss just quit etc and can you phone it in on the groceries this year - see if you can just venmo someone else money to deal with your share and pay for takeout for your night for dinner. If I were a friend I would gladly pick up some slack on the logistics if it meant getting to see you vs you bailing at the last minute.

I'm the OP - I should have included in my post that we live on the same block so we see each other all the time, this isn't a reunion.

NP and I think in that case you should go in person and talk to the one who owns the house and let them know you can’t make it. Just tell the truth. You way over estimated how much stuff you would be able to do on the schedule and you are just now struggling and very exhausted and just can’t do it all. Apologize profusely and thank them for their generosity. And also take a moment to realize as your kids get older and the years go by you won’t be as interested in doing this summer weekend every single summer. Next year it may very well be another neighbor who backs out bc they out their own families needs first.

All good advice and perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop letting this weigh on you. Text them NOW "You guys I am so sorry but we just can't make it this summer. It breaks my heart because I love our time together. Please have a great time for me! Much love, Kim!"

This! If you were my friend I would want you to stay home for your mental health. You can go to the beach next year. Sh*t happens.

[Anonymous]

Don't lie.

You will have to get your kids to lie too. Don't teach them that is your "go to."

Lying is complicated and unnecessary. Be true to yourself and your family's needs. People will react as they do, but you know what you can handle. Role model moderation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop letting this weigh on you. Text them NOW "You guys I am so sorry but we just can't make it this summer. It breaks my heart because I love our time together. Please have a great time for me! Much love, Kim!"

This! If you were my friend I would want you to stay home for your mental health. You can go to the beach next year. Sh*t happens.

Same. Great friends will understand and want the best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a spouse who can take the kids, and you can join them a day or two later?

I feel you on the exhaustion, but the trip might do you good if you can have a day or two solo first, so you get some solitude and feel like you have your act together.

It's a three-day trip, so really it wouldn't make much sense to go up separately, and honestly the COVID element concerns me prior to gymnastics camp because we'd be out a lot of money.
I am so torn and so tired and frazzled.

But you've known about this covid requirement for how long now? Dealing with covid isn't new. If I were you friend and a few months ago you said "sorry, can't do that weekend because Larla has gymnastics camp a few days later" I would have totally understood.

Telling me that a few days before... yeah, I'd be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your friend and you bailed on a trip because you wanted to stay home and do laundry…I would be hurt and annoyed. It’s going to take you more than 3 days to pack your daughter for gymnastics camp?! If your daughter is old enough to go to sleep away camp, she’s old enough to pack for a weekend at the beach AND her camp stuff. Tell her to get started now and you can just check to make sure she has enough pairs of underwear or whatever. And quite frankly she can do her own laundry, maybe pay her to do some of yours! Won’t your kid be bummed to miss the trip?? Do you have a spouse in this who can help?

Also, lean on your friends this year. Tell them you have a really busy week, boss just quit etc and can you phone it in on the groceries this year - see if you can just venmo someone else money to deal with your share and pay for takeout for your night for dinner. If I were a friend I would gladly pick up some slack on the logistics if it meant getting to see you vs you bailing at the last minute.

I'm the OP - I should have included in my post that we live on the same block so we see each other all the time, this isn't a reunion.

NP and I think in that case you should go in person and talk to the one who owns the house and let them know you can’t make it. Just tell the truth. You way over estimated how much stuff you would be able to do on the schedule and you are just now struggling and very exhausted and just can’t do it all. Apologize profusely and thank them for their generosity. And also take a moment to realize as your kids get older and the years go by you won’t be as interested in doing this summer weekend every single summer. Next year it may very well be another neighbor who backs out bc they out their own families needs first.

This is the only way it would be ok to back out.
DEFINITELY don't come up with some lame excuse or lie about having covid.
And don't blame it on your daughter. That's so mean to throw her under the bus.

[Anonymous]

Speaking from lived experience, do not share your real reasons. Tell them you have COVID. Do not get into your actual reasons: they will try to talk you into going and will get increasingly frustrated with you. They won’t understand.

COVID they will understand.