Have you ever backed out of a multi-family trip last-minute?

[Anonymous]

Since there's no money loss for anyone, if I was your friend I would be disappointed but I'd understand, if you're generally not flaky. Life happens.

If I was you though I would have realized sooner the camp conflict. We scheduled our summer with built in time to distance before camp so they wouldn't miss out and money lost. That's the one you should have predicted would have been a conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP overscheduled her family and could have easily predicted this would happen. Two back to back trips followed immediately by a sleepaway camp? Come on folks, this isn't rocket science. I'm just asking her to own her mistake instead of blaming it on external factors. She screwed up accepting all these plans, plain and simple. Hopefully she learned from her mistake and scales back next time, not caving to the FOMO.

Mistake? Screwed up? OP could have easily predicted that her boss was going to quit and leave her with a higher than normal workload? What is wrong with some of you? No one loses out by her family not attending. Everyone still gets what they want. The way some of you thinking that someone owes you their presence is really weirding me out.

I prefer mature friends who are good at time management. You don't and that's fine.

I'd take a kind, empathetic, supportive, understanding friend who shows up with a face mask and coffee over one good at time management any ole day.

Its not like there was some illness or family emergency. OP basically said "Sorry I have to bail last minute, I'm just too busy."

And?

Its fine that you agree with OP. People can have different standards. I would never do this barring an actual emergency or illness.

With kindness, maybe you should give yourself a little grace and realize your friends will still be your friends even if you bail occasionally. You don't need to have a major crisis to be entitled to down time, rescheduling, or a change of plans. If you do it all the time? Flaky. But realizing you've hit a wall and need a break? SO FORGIVABLE. It's OK!! Don't hold yourself to such intense standards. I have learned this!

[Anonymous]

OP just tell them the truth. Lying is so childish. Based on your reasons for wanting to back out, if I were your family I would 100% get it and not be upset. I would probably miss you guys, but I wouldn't be mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just tell them the truth. Lying is so childish. Based on your reasons for wanting to back out, if I were your family I would 100% get it and not be upset. I would probably miss you guys, but I wouldn't be mad.

She didn't lie. Reading comprehension is so important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just tell them the truth. Lying is so childish. Based on your reasons for wanting to back out, if I were your family I would 100% get it and not be upset. I would probably miss you guys, but I wouldn't be mad.

She didn't lie. Reading comprehension is so important.

I was referring to the other responders who were telling her to say she had COVID. Your reading comprehension is also so important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have thought of this before. This is incredibly selfish.

Holy cow. I can't believe the pushback you are getting here. It's not selfish at all - I think we've all been at this sort of breaking point before, and I hope we have more grace with ourselves than this, let alone others. Take your break OP - your friends may be disappointed, but if they are true friends, they will want what is best for you. Be gentle with yourself!

[Anonymous]

I keep coming back to this thread and feeling so disheartened at how women (I assume the responders here) treat other women so harshly. I keep coming back to how friendships seem ice-thin and fragile, how easily people would freeze a friend out or criticize them. Is our society truly this brittle and unforgiving, so without warmth and compassion and the ability to grasp the dimensions of human experience? Life isn't about checking off a box to say you did something. It's about give and take, ebbs and flows, warmth and understanding. God, our time on this planet is damn short. Life is hard enough. Don't make it harder or harsher. And if you're typing sniping, critical words into a small white box on an anonymous forum, ask yourself: why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

This. I would just suck it up and go.

I would think you were flaky and not invite you again.

If you did that it would be good riddance to friends not worth keeping.

[Anonymous]

The people here behaving like OP is committing a federal crime sound like lunatics. I am glad I don’t know anyone like that IRL. If one of my dear friends told me that she was completely frazzled and needed to recuperate I would be disappointed but understand her need. I would certainly not come down on her like a ton of bricks.
Be better.

[Anonymous]

About 5 years ago we had to back out of a trip at the last minute. We still paid our fair share. I had dinner night with another friend and offered to pay half the food bill, but she wouldn't let me.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t have friends that close and would be petrified of backing out and never receiving an invite again. My husband couldn’t make a couple gatherings once my female friend group expanded to include partners, and we ended up frozen out.

[Anonymous]

We have a beach house and honestly backing out this late would be grounds for not getting an invite again. Totally fine to decline the invite! And even to back out. But 4 days before the trip starts? Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a beach house and honestly backing out this late would be grounds for not getting an invite again. Totally fine to decline the invite! And even to back out. But 4 days before the trip starts? Absolutely not.

But like....why does the timing matter if nobody is out money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a beach house and honestly backing out this late would be grounds for not getting an invite again. Totally fine to decline the invite! And even to back out. But 4 days before the trip starts? Absolutely not.

But like....why does the timing matter if nobody is out money?

+1 And there are still two other families to enjoy the weekend with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a beach house and honestly backing out this late would be grounds for not getting an invite again. Totally fine to decline the invite! And even to back out. But 4 days before the trip starts? Absolutely not.

Doesn’t sound like a great loss for the other family.