Have you ever backed out of a multi-family trip last-minute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

It’s not the canceling but the reason. “Ugh I just went on this other more important vacation and now my child has this important camp. Yes I’ve known about this trip for months but it’s just not as important as the other stuff. Don’t worry, you guys will be important to me again next year!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

It’s not the canceling but the reason. “Ugh I just went on this other more important vacation and now my child has this important camp. Yes I’ve known about this trip for months but it’s just not as important as the other stuff. Don’t worry, you guys will be important to me again next year!”

Which I agree is a little annoying and I conceded they might be irritated by that. But freezing the whole family out over it? Insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

It’s not the canceling but the reason. “Ugh I just went on this other more important vacation and now my child has this important camp. Yes I’ve known about this trip for months but it’s just not as important as the other stuff. Don’t worry, you guys will be important to me again next year!”

Of course a weeklong trip with extended family is more important than a long weekend with neighbor friends that you see all the time. Of course a sleepaway camp with no refunds is more important than a weekend away with neighbor friends where no money will be lost by backing out. Maybe they’ll be relieved they’re not coming because there will be more room for everyone else. And who’s to say OP doesn’t prioritize these friends in other ways to show them they’re important to her? This thread is so weird. No wonder women with children feel so stressed out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

Thank you. I would hope and think a true friend would understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

It’s not the canceling but the reason. “Ugh I just went on this other more important vacation and now my child has this important camp. Yes I’ve known about this trip for months but it’s just not as important as the other stuff. Don’t worry, you guys will be important to me again next year!”

Which I agree is a little annoying and I conceded they might be irritated by that. But freezing the whole family out over it? Insane.

I’m not personally saying I would “freeze her out” but I would definitely move her to the “flake friend” category of people who can’t manage time appropriately. Id be reluctant to invite her to something “big” again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

It’s not the canceling but the reason. “Ugh I just went on this other more important vacation and now my child has this important camp. Yes I’ve known about this trip for months but it’s just not as important as the other stuff. Don’t worry, you guys will be important to me again next year!”

Of course a weeklong trip with extended family is more important than a long weekend with neighbor friends that you see all the time. Of course a sleepaway camp with no refunds is more important than a weekend away with neighbor friends where no money will be lost by backing out. Maybe they’ll be relieved they’re not coming because there will be more room for everyone else. And who’s to say OP doesn’t prioritize these friends in other ways to show them they’re important to her? This thread is so weird. No wonder women with children feel so stressed out.

Well OP should have thought about her schedule before accepting.

[Anonymous]

Just go. Did the pandemic not teach you anything - your job will not love you back. Don't sacrifice your weekend vacation for it. Laundry can wait. If I was one of your friends and you pulled this I would not full freeze you out but I would be annoyed and not ask you on another trip.

[Anonymous]

Given that it's only a long weekend, I'd absolutely go. If it were a week, I might shorten it, but I agree that this is the time to lean into your friends. Let them help you. I'd so much rather pick up some extra groceries, cook another meal, etc., if it meant a friend could come vs. them canceling. Now, if someone consistently didn't do their share, that's one thing, but this situation is what close friends are for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

It’s not the canceling but the reason. “Ugh I just went on this other more important vacation and now my child has this important camp. Yes I’ve known about this trip for months but it’s just not as important as the other stuff. Don’t worry, you guys will be important to me again next year!”

Which I agree is a little annoying and I conceded they might be irritated by that. But freezing the whole family out over it? Insane.

I’m not personally saying I would “freeze her out” but I would definitely move her to the “flake friend” category of people who can’t manage time appropriately. Id be reluctant to invite her to something “big” again.

After TEN years of doing this trip and her making it you’d bump her to no invite after one missed trip? When the cancellation cost you nothing? This area is full of the most empathy deficient people I’ve ever met. How in the hell do you sustain meaningful long term relationships when this is your way of thinking? Heaven forbid someone can’t maintain perfection for 10+ years, time to label and categorize them and downgrade the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am the OP. I told my friends and they totally got it and rallied around me. They said to take care of me. One even brought me over a huge bag of coffee beans and a face mask. And we all have plans to hang out when they get back.
Sometimes people hit a wall with work/life/logistics and need a weekend at home and you cannot predict that months in advance.
TBH some of the replies here really shocked me - freeze a long-term, stressed friend out? Downgrade to a fake friend?
It is a scary world out there and I am FORTUNATE to have friends who empathized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

It’s not the canceling but the reason. “Ugh I just went on this other more important vacation and now my child has this important camp. Yes I’ve known about this trip for months but it’s just not as important as the other stuff. Don’t worry, you guys will be important to me again next year!”

Which I agree is a little annoying and I conceded they might be irritated by that. But freezing the whole family out over it? Insane.

I’m not personally saying I would “freeze her out” but I would definitely move her to the “flake friend” category of people who can’t manage time appropriately. Id be reluctant to invite her to something “big” again.

After TEN years of doing this trip and her making it you’d bump her to no invite after one missed trip? When the cancellation cost you nothing? This area is full of the most empathy deficient people I’ve ever met. How in the hell do you sustain meaningful long term relationships when this is your way of thinking? Heaven forbid someone can’t maintain perfection for 10+ years, time to label and categorize them and downgrade the friendship.

To me, that’s a reason for OP NOT to go. If she has 10 year friends that would move her to the flaky category over one misjudgment (at least part of which is an unforeseen issue at work), then the friends aren’t worth her stressing so much to make it. Why are women so hard on each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year, four families (including my own, longtime friends with kids the same age) go to one of the family's beach houses in DE. It's a fun long-weekend tradition and we've been doing it since the kids were babies.

It's coming up this weekend, and I just cannot do it. Work has been terrible. My boss just quit, leaving me with a huge workload. We just got back from a longer vacation with extended family, which wasn't a vacation at all. My older one is off to gymnastics camp three days after we get back and requires a negative PCR and tons of packing. My house is a mess. I am tired. I am frayed. I love my friends but just cannot bear a weekend away at the moment. I need to relax. I need a weekend of laundry and bad TV.

The text threads have been flying about plans, who's bringing what, groceries, etc. I keep being about to text saying we just can't do it this year but am worried that people will be hurt or mad. It will be the first year in over a decade, save COVID, in which we won't be there, and I'm for all intense and purposes choosing to stay home and do nothing.

Help. WWYD? I am feeling guilty and like I am risking a friendship somehow...

I would be really hurt if you canceled so you could do laundry and watch tv. You can rest at the beach. Why can't your DH and kids help out with laundry and cleaning up? Why does it matter if your house is a mess?

Text back and say you are maxed out at work right now. Ask if someone can pickup your share of the groceries and you will pay them. I would gladly do that for a friend who asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider you will never be asked again and that you/your kids may be frozen out of the group forever.

What kind of psychos are you friends with? Op has made it 10 years. They might be irritated at the last minute cancel but I highly doubt they would drop her entire family forever over it. Your friendships must be so damn stressful if you think any misstep = permanent banishment.

It’s not the canceling but the reason. “Ugh I just went on this other more important vacation and now my child has this important camp. Yes I’ve known about this trip for months but it’s just not as important as the other stuff. Don’t worry, you guys will be important to me again next year!”

Of course a weeklong trip with extended family is more important than a long weekend with neighbor friends that you see all the time. Of course a sleepaway camp with no refunds is more important than a weekend away with neighbor friends where no money will be lost by backing out. Maybe they’ll be relieved they’re not coming because there will be more room for everyone else. And who’s to say OP doesn’t prioritize these friends in other ways to show them they’re important to her? This thread is so weird. No wonder women with children feel so stressed out.

Agree. This thread is full of people telling her to ignore what she knows she wants and needs, because others must be pleased at all costs.

I don't see why they would be annoyed, when they are having the weekend they planned/wanted.

You are not treating OP as an autonomous adult, who can make good judgements. This is why people use drugs/alcohol to cope...because everyone is so worried about keeping up appearances and social approval. Her instincts are very healthy, and will teach her kids that sometimes you have to scale back, if you realize that there is too much on your plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am the OP. I told my friends and they totally got it and rallied around me. They said to take care of me. One even brought me over a huge bag of coffee beans and a face mask. And we all have plans to hang out when they get back.
Sometimes people hit a wall with work/life/logistics and need a weekend at home and you cannot predict that months in advance.
TBH some of the replies here really shocked me - freeze a long-term, stressed friend out? Downgrade to a fake friend?
It is a scary world out there and I am FORTUNATE to have friends who empathized.

Yay, good for you, OP! The responses in this thread are shocking to me, too. I hope you enjoy a nice, restorative weekend at home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am the OP. I told my friends and they totally got it and rallied around me. They said to take care of me. One even brought me over a huge bag of coffee beans and a face mask. And we all have plans to hang out when they get back.
Sometimes people hit a wall with work/life/logistics and need a weekend at home and you cannot predict that months in advance.
TBH some of the replies here really shocked me - freeze a long-term, stressed friend out? Downgrade to a fake friend?
It is a scary world out there and I am FORTUNATE to have friends who empathized.

You are. They are authentic (not facebook) friends.

I am very glad that you ignored many of these posters and trusted yourself. You and your family will benefit from this downtime.