Have you ever backed out of a multi-family trip last-minute?

[Anonymous]

Every year, four families (including my own, longtime friends with kids the same age) go to one of the family's beach houses in DE. It's a fun long-weekend tradition and we've been doing it since the kids were babies.

It's coming up this weekend, and I just cannot do it. Work has been terrible. My boss just quit, leaving me with a huge workload. We just got back from a longer vacation with extended family, which wasn't a vacation at all. My older one is off to gymnastics camp three days after we get back and requires a negative PCR and tons of packing. My house is a mess. I am tired. I am frayed. I love my friends but just cannot bear a weekend away at the moment. I need to relax. I need a weekend of laundry and bad TV.

The text threads have been flying about plans, who's bringing what, groceries, etc. I keep being about to text saying we just can't do it this year but am worried that people will be hurt or mad. It will be the first year in over a decade, save COVID, in which we won't be there, and I'm for all intense and purposes choosing to stay home and do nothing.

Help. WWYD? I am feeling guilty and like I am risking a friendship somehow...

[Anonymous]

Oh and for clarity, no money would be lost by any family. This is a private home so it would mainly be cost of grocery.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t, but in your case I would definitely want to back out. Say you have Covid.

[Anonymous]

It’s Monday. Honestly do takeout for your night for dinner and throw some shorts/t shirts and swim suits in a suitcase.

[Anonymous]

What does the rest of the family want to do? Would they be upset if you backed out?

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you waited this long.

I would just go. Throw some things in a suitcase and go. Order your share of the groceries for pick up or delivery.

Maybe shave a day or two off on the back end, but I would go.

[Anonymous]

If I were your friend and you bailed on a trip because you wanted to stay home and do laundry…I would be hurt and annoyed. It’s going to take you more than 3 days to pack your daughter for gymnastics camp?! If your daughter is old enough to go to sleep away camp, she’s old enough to pack for a weekend at the beach AND her camp stuff. Tell her to get started now and you can just check to make sure she has enough pairs of underwear or whatever. And quite frankly she can do her own laundry, maybe pay her to do some of yours! Won’t your kid be bummed to miss the trip?? Do you have a spouse in this who can help?

Also, lean on your friends this year. Tell them you have a really busy week, boss just quit etc and can you phone it in on the groceries this year - see if you can just venmo someone else money to deal with your share and pay for takeout for your night for dinner. If I were a friend I would gladly pick up some slack on the logistics if it meant getting to see you vs you bailing at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

The negative PCR requirement for camp alone would concern me going into a house full of four families. How much money will you be out if your daughter gets sick?

[Anonymous]

Stop letting this weigh on you. Text them NOW "You guys I am so sorry but we just can't make it this summer. It breaks my heart because I love our time together. Please have a great time for me! Much love, Kim!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were your friend and you bailed on a trip because you wanted to stay home and do laundry…I would be hurt and annoyed. It’s going to take you more than 3 days to pack your daughter for gymnastics camp?! If your daughter is old enough to go to sleep away camp, she’s old enough to pack for a weekend at the beach AND her camp stuff. Tell her to get started now and you can just check to make sure she has enough pairs of underwear or whatever. And quite frankly she can do her own laundry, maybe pay her to do some of yours! Won’t your kid be bummed to miss the trip?? Do you have a spouse in this who can help?

Also, lean on your friends this year. Tell them you have a really busy week, boss just quit etc and can you phone it in on the groceries this year - see if you can just venmo someone else money to deal with your share and pay for takeout for your night for dinner. If I were a friend I would gladly pick up some slack on the logistics if it meant getting to see you vs you bailing at the last minute.

I'm the OP - I should have included in my post that we live on the same block so we see each other all the time, this isn't a reunion.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a spouse who can take the kids, and you can join them a day or two later?

I feel you on the exhaustion, but the trip might do you good if you can have a day or two solo first, so you get some solitude and feel like you have your act together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a spouse who can take the kids, and you can join them a day or two later?

I feel you on the exhaustion, but the trip might do you good if you can have a day or two solo first, so you get some solitude and feel like you have your act together.

It's a three-day trip, so really it wouldn't make much sense to go up separately, and honestly the COVID element concerns me prior to gymnastics camp because we'd be out a lot of money.
I am so torn and so tired and frazzled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your friend and you bailed on a trip because you wanted to stay home and do laundry…I would be hurt and annoyed. It’s going to take you more than 3 days to pack your daughter for gymnastics camp?! If your daughter is old enough to go to sleep away camp, she’s old enough to pack for a weekend at the beach AND her camp stuff. Tell her to get started now and you can just check to make sure she has enough pairs of underwear or whatever. And quite frankly she can do her own laundry, maybe pay her to do some of yours! Won’t your kid be bummed to miss the trip?? Do you have a spouse in this who can help?

Also, lean on your friends this year. Tell them you have a really busy week, boss just quit etc and can you phone it in on the groceries this year - see if you can just venmo someone else money to deal with your share and pay for takeout for your night for dinner. If I were a friend I would gladly pick up some slack on the logistics if it meant getting to see you vs you bailing at the last minute.

I'm the OP - I should have included in my post that we live on the same block so we see each other all the time, this isn't a reunion.

I guess that changes things, but I think I would still try to make it work. I know I personally feel better after hanging out with friends and I would definitely regret skipping it. Could your DH take your daughter and you stay home? Or ask for help! Tell them you’re overwhelmed with work this week, do they know a sitter who could take DD to a playground and dinner a couple of nights this week so you can catch up on laundry after work?

I don’t think there’s any nice way to tell friends, even ones that live close by, that instead of going on an annual beach trip that they are clearly looking forward to, that you would rather stay home and do laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a spouse who can take the kids, and you can join them a day or two later?

I feel you on the exhaustion, but the trip might do you good if you can have a day or two solo first, so you get some solitude and feel like you have your act together.

It's a three-day trip, so really it wouldn't make much sense to go up separately, and honestly the COVID element concerns me prior to gymnastics camp because we'd be out a lot of money.
I am so torn and so tired and frazzled.

Is your daughter not in any sort of camp/daycare now? And if the families are all neighbors, chances are you would be exposed to Covid if any of them got it anyway.

[Anonymous]

This is a pretty lame reason to back out. If I was hosting, I'd be annoyed with you because I could have invited someone else in your place. There are laundromats that wash & fold for you. DD can pack that.

Give yourself a time out tonight and collect yourself. Ignore the texts.