Offended over hand-me-downs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did your niece get to age 4 before you realized her mom isn't into hand me downs? Have you never offered anything ever before? Or do you do it often and she's finally saying "enough!"

I had previously not done it because we have two girls and weren’t sure if our third would be a girl. He is a boy so now we don’t need to keep anything.

So your stuff has been worn by two kids? Those clothes are probably rags now. If you're going to hand down they need to be in pristine condition.

GMAB. Kids get maybe a season of wear out of most things before growing out of them, and with a closet of clothes, most of the items that don’t become favorites are worn a handful of times. Even multiplying that by 2 kids, does not mean “rags” unless these are cheap fast fashion items. We use hand me downs that come from 3 or 4 prior kids and sometimes they even have tags on them still. Get over your snobby self.

[Anonymous]

I have a cousin who buys decent-quality clothing, and passes on stuff that is in great condition. I happily say thank you and accept what she offers.

Her sister is borderline-hoarder and gets buckets of clothes from the most random places, like T-shirts from convenience stores and worn-out clothes from swap meets: we are talking the level of clothes that honestly should be taken to textile recycling, and not to Goodwill. I decline what she offers, because I don’t need the chore of driving to the textile recycling facility in our county.

Do you people get that maybe if someone is declining hand-me-downs, it is not because they overall don’t appreciate hand-me-downs, it’s that they don’t want their kids wearing stained “I’m A Little Ripper” graphic T-shirts from actual gas stations?

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who gave me really poor quality hand me downs. Ripped/pilled/stained and sometimes all of the above. I accepted them graciously. Occasionally we were happy to find something of use. The rest went to fabric recycle. I appreciated her gesture. I can not imagine being offended. Just don't use them if they do not work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did your niece get to age 4 before you realized her mom isn't into hand me downs? Have you never offered anything ever before? Or do you do it often and she's finally saying "enough!"

I had previously not done it because we have two girls and weren’t sure if our third would be a girl. He is a boy so now we don’t need to keep anything.

So your stuff has been worn by two kids? Those clothes are probably rags now. If you're going to hand down they need to be in pristine condition.

GMAB. Kids get maybe a season of wear out of most things before growing out of them, and with a closet of clothes, most of the items that don’t become favorites are worn a handful of times. Even multiplying that by 2 kids, does not mean “rags” unless these are cheap fast fashion items. We use hand me downs that come from 3 or 4 prior kids and sometimes they even have tags on them still. Get over your snobby self.

I agree. I did not buy high end clothes (Old Navy/Target etc). Most were still great after 2 kids. And who needs perfection to send to camp etc.

[Anonymous]

The takeaway here is not to assume someone wants your hand-me-downs. Ask BEFORE you bring them over instead of putting people on the spot.

[Anonymous]

It's not about the clothes. It's about being connected to another parent and child. It's a sweet way of being part of a net of people. Some like being connected to their fellow human beings, and some suck. Er, don't.

[Anonymous]

OMG, people, are you for real? Not everyone wants someone's "gentle hand me downs". They can afford to buy their kids new clothes. Just because you are a penny pincher, doesn't mean they are. Not everyone is into used crap. Get over yourselves, cheapos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, people, are you for real? Not everyone wants someone's "gentle hand me downs". They can afford to buy their kids new clothes. Just because you are a penny pincher, doesn't mean they are. Not everyone is into used crap. Get over yourselves, cheapos.

So she could have politely declined and moved on with her life? No one is saying she had an obligation to take the clothes. But the follow-up series of texts was totally overboard unless there is something OP isn't telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, people, are you for real? Not everyone wants someone's "gentle hand me downs". They can afford to buy their kids new clothes. Just because you are a penny pincher, doesn't mean they are. Not everyone is into used crap. Get over yourselves, cheapos.

It's not about the clothes. People don't share because they are penny-pinchers -- they do it because they like people. I guess no one has liked you enough to offer you hand-me-downs from their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, people, are you for real? Not everyone wants someone's "gentle hand me downs". They can afford to buy their kids new clothes. Just because you are a penny pincher, doesn't mean they are. Not everyone is into used crap. Get over yourselves, cheapos.

Everyone I know can easily afford new things, but my friends and family pass hand-me-downs around liberally bc why not? Why create more waste. I actually love getting stuff from my SIL specifically bc she has a shopping addiction and always buys super cute expensive things for her kids that barely get worn.

I often offer clothes to friends with kids the right age for them. I am not at all offended if they turn them down, but it truly did not occur to me that they could be offended by the mere offer. I guess I learned something new today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin who buys decent-quality clothing, and passes on stuff that is in great condition. I happily say thank you and accept what she offers.

Her sister is borderline-hoarder and gets buckets of clothes from the most random places, like T-shirts from convenience stores and worn-out clothes from swap meets: we are talking the level of clothes that honestly should be taken to textile recycling, and not to Goodwill. I decline what she offers, because I don’t need the chore of driving to the textile recycling facility in our county.

Do you people get that maybe if someone is declining hand-me-downs, it is not because they overall don’t appreciate hand-me-downs, it’s that they don’t want their kids wearing stained “I’m A Little Ripper” graphic T-shirts from actual gas stations?

I mean, based on the responses here, it actually sounds like it could be either one.

I have gotten some great hand-me-downs, also some not so great ones. I just donate whatever I don't want. Maybe I turn down hand me downs from that person in the future, bc I don't want the hassle of having to go through them. But I'm not offended, and I don't get why people are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, people, are you for real? Not everyone wants someone's "gentle hand me downs". They can afford to buy their kids new clothes. Just because you are a penny pincher, doesn't mean they are. Not everyone is into used crap. Get over yourselves, cheapos.

It's not about the clothes. People don't share because they are penny-pinchers -- they do it because they like people. I guess no one has liked you enough to offer you hand-me-downs from their children.

Darling, my family and friends know better than to wear hand me downs from their children. If you like people, buy them something new. Frugality is not always admired. Go fetch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old white money loooves hand-me-downs. NOT new money that sees fault in used clothes.

I'm culturally vanilla, but dated a guy in a wealthy Latinx family for many years and their family would not be caught dead wearing second hand clothes. Same for my friends who are middle eastern.

Meanwhile, the English royals are wearing their dad's clothes!

+1. People who are offended by an offer of hand-me-downs are insecure about their wealth/status. UMC/UC white people don't have anything to prove and enjoy being able to feel like they are making a more environmentally friendly choice. Same reason all the UMC white people in Upper NW are driving around in Subarus and Priuses while the new money is splashing out on Land Rovers and Hummers to park in front of their McMansions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, people, are you for real? Not everyone wants someone's "gentle hand me downs". They can afford to buy their kids new clothes. Just because you are a penny pincher, doesn't mean they are. Not everyone is into used crap. Get over yourselves, cheapos.

It's not about the clothes. People don't share because they are penny-pinchers -- they do it because they like people. I guess no one has liked you enough to offer you hand-me-downs from their children.

Darling, my family and friends know better than to wear hand me downs from their children. If you like people, buy them something new. Frugality is not always admired. Go fetch.

Sounds like they know you are an insecure snob who would panic bc of the implication that you can't afford to buy an $8 romper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about the clothes. It's about being connected to another parent and child. It's a sweet way of being part of a net of people. Some like being connected to their fellow human beings, and some suck. Er, don't.

+1 I didn't have family to pass DD's clothes too but did pass them on to a friend with a slightly younger/much smaller girl. Her DD loved to pick out a dress from her friend. I was also happy to get hand-me-downs from a neighbor and a cousin. Why should I was $$$ on new clothes that will fit for six months.

Reading OPs, follow up, I think she handled it perfectly fine -- she didn't insist, she curated a nicer set to pass along, offered if SIL wanted them but not pressure. SIL chose to be a snot about it, not just at the party but went so far as to rudely text her later. I assume SIL is insecure. And, maybe they are having financial problems and worried that OP is aware of it?