How to talk to 9yo about overeating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the thread on whether Ellyn Sattler works for kids who can’t regulate their food intake. My daughter is definitely overweight, and has no “off” switch when it comes to food she likes (not just junk, but anything she really likes.). Always has been like this. But she now wants to lose weight, and I’m really struggling with how to approach it for all the reasons given here. A week of trying Sattler’s approach has led to, I would guess, a doubling in my child’s consumption for the week (and I assure you she was not going hungry before). Even she said “I’m not going to lose weight eating whatever I want.” I don’t care what my daughter looks like—she takes my breath away with her beauty. But she gets made fun of for being fat, and I don’t know how to help her in a way that doesn’t lead to more issues later. So I feel for you, OP.

If she’s really overeating, she will be in pain. Does she eat past the point of pain? Does she not realize when her stomach is full?
Our bodies want healthy food. We all know it’s fun maybe once to eat a whole pizza, but if you eat an entire pizza everyday, you will very obviously not feel good. At first when you start eating intuitively, you’re still learning about what hunger and fullness means, so it might take a little while.
So either your daughter is ignoring her body/doesn’t understand her body, or…. Maybe she’s just genetically programmed to be big? And if so, is that really what you want for your daughter’s life - an everyday struggle to eat less than she wants to eat, and to always hate and be at war with her body? Why not just let her be a bigger person? I’m not saying like my-600-lb life big, but plenty of women are “overweight” and still very healthy and it’s just how their body is. I feel bad she’s getting made fun of, but kids get made fun of for lots of things - curly hair, glasses, etc etc etc.

NP, but you can’t control whether your child has curly hair or wears glasses, but you can control whether they are overweight because they have an atrocious diet.

Being overweight is not healthy. I know 20 year olds with serious gastro issues from their diets. I know 50 year olds who got knee replacments.
Now at 62 they need new knee replacements to replace the first replacement. I could go on and on and on. I'm currently living in one of the poorest counties in Maryland. The obesity is pretty amazing. People don't live long here either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the thread on whether Ellyn Sattler works for kids who can’t regulate their food intake. My daughter is definitely overweight, and has no “off” switch when it comes to food she likes (not just junk, but anything she really likes.). Always has been like this. But she now wants to lose weight, and I’m really struggling with how to approach it for all the reasons given here. A week of trying Sattler’s approach has led to, I would guess, a doubling in my child’s consumption for the week (and I assure you she was not going hungry before). Even she said “I’m not going to lose weight eating whatever I want.” I don’t care what my daughter looks like—she takes my breath away with her beauty. But she gets made fun of for being fat, and I don’t know how to help her in a way that doesn’t lead to more issues later. So I feel for you, OP.

If she’s really overeating, she will be in pain. Does she eat past the point of pain? Does she not realize when her stomach is full?
Our bodies want healthy food. We all know it’s fun maybe once to eat a whole pizza, but if you eat an entire pizza everyday, you will very obviously not feel good. At first when you start eating intuitively, you’re still learning about what hunger and fullness means, so it might take a little while.
So either your daughter is ignoring her body/doesn’t understand her body, or…. Maybe she’s just genetically programmed to be big? And if so, is that really what you want for your daughter’s life - an everyday struggle to eat less than she wants to eat, and to always hate and be at war with her body? Why not just let her be a bigger person? I’m not saying like my-600-lb life big, but plenty of women are “overweight” and still very healthy and it’s just how their body is. I feel bad she’s getting made fun of, but kids get made fun of for lots of things - curly hair, glasses, etc etc etc.

NP, but you can’t control whether your child has curly hair or wears glasses, but you can control whether they are overweight because they have an atrocious diet.

Being overweight is not healthy. I know 20 year olds with serious gastro issues from their diets. I know 50 year olds who got knee replacments.
Now at 62 they need new knee replacements to replace the first replacement. I could go on and on and on. I'm currently living in one of the poorest counties in Maryland. The obesity is pretty amazing. People don't live long here either.

Nobody is disagreeing with that. People are saying that what OP is doing has been proven in research studies to increase the likelihood that her child will be obese as an adult.

It’s like she’s saying “I care about skin cancer more than you do so I send my fairskinned kid out to play in the sunshine for hours with no sunblock to avoid it”, and when people say “that’s how you get skin cancer” people like you chime in with “yeah but skin cancer is bad. Why aren’t you worried about it?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the thread on whether Ellyn Sattler works for kids who can’t regulate their food intake. My daughter is definitely overweight, and has no “off” switch when it comes to food she likes (not just junk, but anything she really likes.). Always has been like this. But she now wants to lose weight, and I’m really struggling with how to approach it for all the reasons given here. A week of trying Sattler’s approach has led to, I would guess, a doubling in my child’s consumption for the week (and I assure you she was not going hungry before). Even she said “I’m not going to lose weight eating whatever I want.” I don’t care what my daughter looks like—she takes my breath away with her beauty. But she gets made fun of for being fat, and I don’t know how to help her in a way that doesn’t lead to more issues later. So I feel for you, OP.

If she’s really overeating, she will be in pain. Does she eat past the point of pain? Does she not realize when her stomach is full?
Our bodies want healthy food. We all know it’s fun maybe once to eat a whole pizza, but if you eat an entire pizza everyday, you will very obviously not feel good. At first when you start eating intuitively, you’re still learning about what hunger and fullness means, so it might take a little while.
So either your daughter is ignoring her body/doesn’t understand her body, or…. Maybe she’s just genetically programmed to be big? And if so, is that really what you want for your daughter’s life - an everyday struggle to eat less than she wants to eat, and to always hate and be at war with her body? Why not just let her be a bigger person? I’m not saying like my-600-lb life big, but plenty of women are “overweight” and still very healthy and it’s just how their body is. I feel bad she’s getting made fun of, but kids get made fun of for lots of things - curly hair, glasses, etc etc etc.

NP, but you can’t control whether your child has curly hair or wears glasses, but you can control whether they are overweight because they have an atrocious diet.

Being overweight is not healthy. I know 20 year olds with serious gastro issues from their diets. I know 50 year olds who got knee replacments.
Now at 62 they need new knee replacements to replace the first replacement. I could go on and on and on. I'm currently living in one of the poorest counties in Maryland. The obesity is pretty amazing. People don't live long here either.

But restricting food has proven over and over again to lead to even more weight gain. It’s better to go through life at a set point that is consistently 10-20 lbs overweight than to always be dieting than regaining between your goal weight and 30+ lbs over that. And the regaining always follows the restricting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 8 and is 55 lbs and 51 inches. She is slim, but not much smaller than all her classmates. Most of the girls in her class are of similar size.
I don’t have issues with my daughter, but I would not log my kid get to 300+ lbs like someone suggested above. How can this be good parenting?

Yes, everyone likes to post about their petite, skinny daughters. Do you not understand that some girls are well into puberty at 9?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the thread on whether Ellyn Sattler works for kids who can’t regulate their food intake. My daughter is definitely overweight, and has no “off” switch when it comes to food she likes (not just junk, but anything she really likes.). Always has been like this. But she now wants to lose weight, and I’m really struggling with how to approach it for all the reasons given here. A week of trying Sattler’s approach has led to, I would guess, a doubling in my child’s consumption for the week (and I assure you she was not going hungry before). Even she said “I’m not going to lose weight eating whatever I want.” I don’t care what my daughter looks like—she takes my breath away with her beauty. But she gets made fun of for being fat, and I don’t know how to help her in a way that doesn’t lead to more issues later. So I feel for you, OP.

If she’s really overeating, she will be in pain. Does she eat past the point of pain? Does she not realize when her stomach is full?
Our bodies want healthy food. We all know it’s fun maybe once to eat a whole pizza, but if you eat an entire pizza everyday, you will very obviously not feel good. At first when you start eating intuitively, you’re still learning about what hunger and fullness means, so it might take a little while.
So either your daughter is ignoring her body/doesn’t understand her body, or…. Maybe she’s just genetically programmed to be big? And if so, is that really what you want for your daughter’s life - an everyday struggle to eat less than she wants to eat, and to always hate and be at war with her body? Why not just let her be a bigger person? I’m not saying like my-600-lb life big, but plenty of women are “overweight” and still very healthy and it’s just how their body is. I feel bad she’s getting made fun of, but kids get made fun of for lots of things - curly hair, glasses, etc etc etc.

NP, but you can’t control whether your child has curly hair or wears glasses, but you can control whether they are overweight because they have an atrocious diet.

Being overweight is not healthy. I know 20 year olds with serious gastro issues from their diets. I know 50 year olds who got knee replacments.
Now at 62 they need new knee replacements to replace the first replacement. I could go on and on and on. I'm currently living in one of the poorest counties in Maryland. The obesity is pretty amazing. People don't live long here either.

But restricting food has proven over and over again to lead to even more weight gain. It’s better to go through life at a set point that is consistently 10-20 lbs overweight than to always be dieting than regaining between your goal weight and 30+ lbs over that. And the regaining always follows the restricting.

This works for those who will be 10-20 Ibs overweight if they stopped restricting.

I have to be concious to stay at the 15-20 Ibs overweight range, which I am at now.

But if I just ate everything I wanted to eat, I'd be at over 30-40 Ibs overweight.

The current restrictions I have are worth it to keep the extra pounds off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 8 and is 55 lbs and 51 inches. She is slim, but not much smaller than all her classmates. Most of the girls in her class are of similar size.
I don’t have issues with my daughter, but I would not log my kid get to 300+ lbs like someone suggested above. How can this be good parenting?

Yes, everyone likes to post about their petite, skinny daughters. Do you not understand that some girls are well into puberty at 9?

Yes, but my point is that if my daughter were a lot bigger, I would not let her eat whatever she wanted. Someone up thread argued that it’s ok if your kid ends up 300+ lbs. it is NOT. Of course I would love my kid whatever her size, but isn’t my job as a parent to keep her healthy and happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

OP this was me. One time I snuck an entire entenmans box and my parents found out and made me walk around the neighborhood for an hour. Looking back, my overeating and sneaking food had a ton to do with my mom’s disordered relationship with food and the tone and example she set. I’m now a normal body size and wish my parents didn’t make me feel fat my whole life (I wasn’t). The older I become the more I see my mom’s unhealthy body image issues and food weirdness and I feel sad for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the thread on whether Ellyn Sattler works for kids who can’t regulate their food intake. My daughter is definitely overweight, and has no “off” switch when it comes to food she likes (not just junk, but anything she really likes.). Always has been like this. But she now wants to lose weight, and I’m really struggling with how to approach it for all the reasons given here. A week of trying Sattler’s approach has led to, I would guess, a doubling in my child’s consumption for the week (and I assure you she was not going hungry before). Even she said “I’m not going to lose weight eating whatever I want.” I don’t care what my daughter looks like—she takes my breath away with her beauty. But she gets made fun of for being fat, and I don’t know how to help her in a way that doesn’t lead to more issues later. So I feel for you, OP.

I don’t think Sattler works for kids who are willing to eat everything including healthy items but just eat too much. You just have to limit food for some kids so they learn not to overeat. Their is obesity in my extended family so my sister and I both were committed to trying to keep our kids at a healthy weight. My sister followed Sattler and her kids are all overweight. They just eat too much at one sitting. From a young age they are adult sized portions. I decided to limit portions for them. One slice of pizza is enough for a 5 year old. When my son wanted another slice we told him no. At dinner everyone gets one serving of food there are no seconds. If you are still hungry we tell our kids they need to wait an hour. But by then they rarely ask for food an hour later. In previous generations kids didn’t get seconds. Everyone got one serving and that was it. There wasn’t an endless supply of prepared foods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the thread on whether Ellyn Sattler works for kids who can’t regulate their food intake. My daughter is definitely overweight, and has no “off” switch when it comes to food she likes (not just junk, but anything she really likes.). Always has been like this. But she now wants to lose weight, and I’m really struggling with how to approach it for all the reasons given here. A week of trying Sattler’s approach has led to, I would guess, a doubling in my child’s consumption for the week (and I assure you she was not going hungry before). Even she said “I’m not going to lose weight eating whatever I want.” I don’t care what my daughter looks like—she takes my breath away with her beauty. But she gets made fun of for being fat, and I don’t know how to help her in a way that doesn’t lead to more issues later. So I feel for you, OP.

TBH I think the very problem is that she *wants* to lose weight, and that you're both trying to make changes so you're thinking about a lot, so she's fixated on food. Thinking about food all the time doesn't typically lead to weight loss because, well, thinking about something good usually makes you want it.

I don't restrict my food at all or the food of my kids. But food is a very small part of our lives. Our lives are filled with other things that take most of our attention. And because our kids know that they can always eat later, they don't typically eat too much on the whole. Yes sometimes DD eats past the point of fullness and she isn't skinny, but overall it balances out.

Every situation is different, but I think you would do better to help your daughter with your self-confidence rather than trying to help her lose weight. I know it doesn't seem like Satter "worked" but it takes a while for your brain to truly, truly change the mindset. It takes time to re-learn hunger cues.

But I know this is so hard, and I hope you and your daughter are doing okay.

This is a great point. I’ve made a huge effort to break the cycle of disordered eating for my kids and the key is to not make food or fat/thin-ness a big deal. We travel with friends who are having a similar situation with their daughter and I notice that they are almost obsessed with food. If we’re out doing something fun, my kids can wait to have lunch, but my friend panics and insists the kids eat lunch or snack or whatever otherwise they will have a meltdown. They’ve never had a meltdown over food when she’s not there and they’re on a hike or bike ride with the rest of us. They also force their kids to clean their plates, but freak out if they go for seconds. It’s a ton of attention toward food - one kid overeats and the other refuses to clean their plate… drop the rope on this and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

If overeating is a big issue, here's what I would suggest and it all centers around healthy eating habits that can be sustainable for the rest of her life.

- Figure out as many ways to incorporate fruits and vegetables and fiber into the diet. Maybe she likes veggies crunchy and raw, maybe she likes them sauteed. Maybe she likes to eat fruit before dinner, or for breakfast - maybe there are certain fruits she likes better. Aim for 5 a day. There are a lot of delicious healthy recipes for whatever kind of palate she might have

- Incorporate lean protein and complex carbs into daily diet.

- Keep junk food and candy out of the house, especially the prepackaged kind. If you want a treat, go out as a family together for ice cream. Feel free to get occasional fries or chips when you are out at a game or wherever. Also feel free to cook together occasionally to make homemade treats.

- Invite her to participate in meal planning and cooking.

- Never talk about "bad foods" or "good foods". You can say that veggies and fruits are chock full of nutrients that help her body grow and get stronger and it's important to eat them every day. You can also say that some foods have less of those wonderful nutrients, so you shouldn't fill up on them. In general, don't make food such a big focus on your daily lives. Eat to live, don't live to eat.

- If portions are a problem, just make enough food for your family and portion out your plates for dinner. If they are still hungry and want seconds, there is none left, but make sure there are plenty of fruit and veggies available if they are still hungry.

- Talk during meals, it slows the eating down. Keep it light and positive.

- Water only, no juices or sugary drinks.

- Be good role models for healthy and balanced (not restrictive) eating habits and positive body image

- Be active as a family on the weekends and after school if possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If overeating is a big issue, here's what I would suggest and it all centers around healthy eating habits that can be sustainable for the rest of her life.

- Figure out as many ways to incorporate fruits and vegetables and fiber into the diet. Maybe she likes veggies crunchy and raw, maybe she likes them sauteed. Maybe she likes to eat fruit before dinner, or for breakfast - maybe there are certain fruits she likes better. Aim for 5 a day. There are a lot of delicious healthy recipes for whatever kind of palate she might have

- Incorporate lean protein and complex carbs into daily diet.

- Keep junk food and candy out of the house, especially the prepackaged kind. If you want a treat, go out as a family together for ice cream. Feel free to get occasional fries or chips when you are out at a game or wherever. Also feel free to cook together occasionally to make homemade treats.

- Invite her to participate in meal planning and cooking.

- Never talk about "bad foods" or "good foods". You can say that veggies and fruits are chock full of nutrients that help her body grow and get stronger and it's important to eat them every day. You can also say that some foods have less of those wonderful nutrients, so you shouldn't fill up on them. In general, don't make food such a big focus on your daily lives. Eat to live, don't live to eat.

- If portions are a problem, just make enough food for your family and portion out your plates for dinner. If they are still hungry and want seconds, there is none left, but make sure there are plenty of fruit and veggies available if they are still hungry.

- Talk during meals, it slows the eating down. Keep it light and positive.

- Water only, no juices or sugary drinks.

- Be good role models for healthy and balanced (not restrictive) eating habits and positive body image

- Be active as a family on the weekends and after school if possible.

Thanks, this is all good advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90 lbs at age 9 doesn’t seem big to me, she’s likely prepubescent.

Really? Unless she’s really tall and definitely hittting puberty, that seems like a lot to me. My 9 yo weighs 60lbs and she’s pretty standard size.

60lbs is tiny for 9. They’re all over the place at this age. Mind weights 40lbs more than yours but she’s not overweight. She’s solid

Agreed but 90 pounds at 9 is kind of big. My 10 year old niece is 75 pounds give or take and 4’8”. My 8 year old niece is 68 pounds.

Agreed. My 12 year old is 90 lbs!

[Anonymous]

If you’re eating to the point where you’re 300+ lbs, it’s not because you don’t know about vegetables or portion sizes. It’s because you’ve got some emotional hole to fill.

OP’s daughter clearly already has some emotional issues centered around food. She already knows candy is “bad” and “fruit” is good. Her mom already chides her about portions. So what else is left - lock up the food?

If OP treats this like a nutritional issue, she might end up with a skinny daughter, but I’m pretty sure that daughter is going to have bigger issues or other ways of numbing herself and attempting to feel good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the thread on whether Ellyn Sattler works for kids who can’t regulate their food intake. My daughter is definitely overweight, and has no “off” switch when it comes to food she likes (not just junk, but anything she really likes.). Always has been like this. But she now wants to lose weight, and I’m really struggling with how to approach it for all the reasons given here. A week of trying Sattler’s approach has led to, I would guess, a doubling in my child’s consumption for the week (and I assure you she was not going hungry before). Even she said “I’m not going to lose weight eating whatever I want.” I don’t care what my daughter looks like—she takes my breath away with her beauty. But she gets made fun of for being fat, and I don’t know how to help her in a way that doesn’t lead to more issues later. So I feel for you, OP.

I don’t think Sattler works for kids who are willing to eat everything including healthy items but just eat too much. You just have to limit food for some kids so they learn not to overeat. Their is obesity in my extended family so my sister and I both were committed to trying to keep our kids at a healthy weight. My sister followed Sattler and her kids are all overweight. They just eat too much at one sitting. From a young age they are adult sized portions. I decided to limit portions for them. One slice of pizza is enough for a 5 year old. When my son wanted another slice we told him no. At dinner everyone gets one serving of food there are no seconds. If you are still hungry we tell our kids they need to wait an hour. But by then they rarely ask for food an hour later. In previous generations kids didn’t get seconds. Everyone got one serving and that was it. There wasn’t an endless supply of prepared foods.

I am always skeptical of people who claim they are following Ellyn Satter and add random letters to her name. How much of her work can you possibly have read if you think her name is Sattler or Satterly?

How old are your kids?

You're gloating about the fact that you followed techniques that are proven to backfire in adulthood. Are your kids adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If overeating is a big issue, here's what I would suggest and it all centers around healthy eating habits that can be sustainable for the rest of her life.

- Figure out as many ways to incorporate fruits and vegetables and fiber into the diet. Maybe she likes veggies crunchy and raw, maybe she likes them sauteed. Maybe she likes to eat fruit before dinner, or for breakfast - maybe there are certain fruits she likes better. Aim for 5 a day. There are a lot of delicious healthy recipes for whatever kind of palate she might have

- Incorporate lean protein and complex carbs into daily diet.

- Keep junk food and candy out of the house, especially the prepackaged kind. If you want a treat, go out as a family together for ice cream. Feel free to get occasional fries or chips when you are out at a game or wherever. Also feel free to cook together occasionally to make homemade treats.

- Invite her to participate in meal planning and cooking.

- Never talk about "bad foods" or "good foods". You can say that veggies and fruits are chock full of nutrients that help her body grow and get stronger and it's important to eat them every day. You can also say that some foods have less of those wonderful nutrients, so you shouldn't fill up on them. In general, don't make food such a big focus on your daily lives. Eat to live, don't live to eat.

- If portions are a problem, just make enough food for your family and portion out your plates for dinner. If they are still hungry and want seconds, there is none left, but make sure there are plenty of fruit and veggies available if they are still hungry.

- Talk during meals, it slows the eating down. Keep it light and positive.

- Water only, no juices or sugary drinks.

- Be good role models for healthy and balanced (not restrictive) eating habits and positive body image

- Be active as a family on the weekends and after school if possible.

This is good in theory but impractical. Kids can overeat anything, but they especially like the carb stuff that nearly all households have: cereal, pretzels, granola bars, bread, pasta, rice. And high calorie foods like nuts, cheese, BP, avocados. While don’t have “junk” food, you still may need to say no, you can’t have a second bowl of plain cheerios or a second bowl of nuts, or no to a second giant handful of cashews. And cooking meals with “no leftovers”ever isn’t practical either and nearly impossibly to do.

And while the “good/bad” food thing is popular no no saying, it shouldn’t be. Maybe you don’t have to specifically use the words good and bad, but you do need to explain why you can have as much broccoli as your heart desires, but you shouldn’t do that with Snickers. Why you should only eat one serving of ice cream and cake at a birthday and not “as much as you want” Kids need to know. Especially if “as much as they want to eat” is really too much