Reply to How to talk to 9yo about overeating

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m the OP of the thread on whether Ellyn Sattler works for kids who can’t regulate their food intake.  My daughter is definitely overweight, and has no “off” switch when it comes to food she likes (not just junk, but anything she really likes.).  Always has been like this.   But she now wants to lose weight, and I’m really struggling with how to approach it for all the reasons given here.  A week of trying Sattler’s approach has led to, I would guess, a doubling in my child’s consumption for the week (and I assure you she was not going hungry before).   Even she said “I’m not going to lose weight eating whatever I want.”  I don’t care what my daughter looks like—she takes my breath away with her beauty.  But she gets made fun of for being fat, and I don’t know how to help her in a way that doesn’t lead to more issues later.  So I feel for you, OP.  [/quote]

TBH I think the very problem is that she *wants* to lose weight, and that you're both trying to make changes so you're thinking about a lot, so she's fixated on food. Thinking about food all the time doesn't typically lead to weight loss because, well, thinking about something good usually makes you want it.

I don't restrict my food at all or the food of my kids. But food is a very small part of our lives. Our lives are filled with other things that take most of our attention. And because our kids know that they can always eat later, they don't typically eat too much on the whole. Yes sometimes DD eats past the point of fullness and she isn't skinny, but overall it balances out.

Every situation is different, but I think you would do better to help your daughter with your self-confidence rather than trying to help her lose weight. I know it doesn't seem like Satter "worked" but it takes a while for your brain to truly, truly change the mindset. It takes time to re-learn hunger cues.

But I know this is so hard, and I hope you and your daughter are doing okay.[/quote]

This is a great point. I’ve made a huge effort to break the cycle of disordered eating for my kids and the key is to not make food or fat/thin-ness a big deal. We travel with friends who are having a similar situation with their daughter and I notice that they are almost obsessed with food. If we’re out doing something fun, my kids can wait to have lunch, but my friend panics and insists the kids eat lunch or snack or whatever otherwise they will have a meltdown. They’ve never had a meltdown over food when she’s not there and they’re on a hike or bike ride with the rest of us. They also force their kids to clean their plates, but freak out if they go for seconds. It’s a ton of attention toward food - one kid overeats and the other refuses to clean their plate… drop the rope on this and see what happens. [/quote]

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