How to talk to 9yo about overeating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If overeating is a big issue, here's what I would suggest and it all centers around healthy eating habits that can be sustainable for the rest of her life.

- Figure out as many ways to incorporate fruits and vegetables and fiber into the diet. Maybe she likes veggies crunchy and raw, maybe she likes them sauteed. Maybe she likes to eat fruit before dinner, or for breakfast - maybe there are certain fruits she likes better. Aim for 5 a day. There are a lot of delicious healthy recipes for whatever kind of palate she might have

- Incorporate lean protein and complex carbs into daily diet.

- Keep junk food and candy out of the house, especially the prepackaged kind. If you want a treat, go out as a family together for ice cream. Feel free to get occasional fries or chips when you are out at a game or wherever. Also feel free to cook together occasionally to make homemade treats.

- Invite her to participate in meal planning and cooking.

- Never talk about "bad foods" or "good foods". You can say that veggies and fruits are chock full of nutrients that help her body grow and get stronger and it's important to eat them every day. You can also say that some foods have less of those wonderful nutrients, so you shouldn't fill up on them. In general, don't make food such a big focus on your daily lives. Eat to live, don't live to eat.

- If portions are a problem, just make enough food for your family and portion out your plates for dinner. If they are still hungry and want seconds, there is none left, but make sure there are plenty of fruit and veggies available if they are still hungry.

- Talk during meals, it slows the eating down. Keep it light and positive.

- Water only, no juices or sugary drinks.

- Be good role models for healthy and balanced (not restrictive) eating habits and positive body image

- Be active as a family on the weekends and after school if possible.

This is good in theory but impractical. Kids can overeat anything, but they especially like the carb stuff that nearly all households have: cereal, pretzels, granola bars, bread, pasta, rice. And high calorie foods like nuts, cheese, BP, avocados. While don’t have “junk” food, you still may need to say no, you can’t have a second bowl of plain cheerios or a second bowl of nuts, or no to a second giant handful of cashews. And cooking meals with “no leftovers”ever isn’t practical either and nearly impossibly to do.

And while the “good/bad” food thing is popular no no saying, it shouldn’t be. Maybe you don’t have to specifically use the words good and bad, but you do need to explain why you can have as much broccoli as your heart desires, but you shouldn’t do that with Snickers. Why you should only eat one serving of ice cream and cake at a birthday and not “as much as you want” Kids need to know. Especially if “as much as they want to eat” is really too much

Yep. In my house you can add more green beans or whatever vegetable is being offered. If you are still not full, there are always apples, oranges and bananas. and you can have apples, oranges and/or bananas anytime you want -- there are no restrictions on those. But you are definitely not eating as much rice as you want.

This is so toxic. There is nothing wrong with rice, and a banana is not better for you than rice is. Why should a hungry kid who’s just had sports practice eat 3 apples instead of an extra serving of rice? Also, rice is boring - anyone who’s given the opportunity to “binge” on rice is going to get bored of it pretty fast. You make it exciting by restricting it.

So you wouldn’t have any issue with your clinically overweight kid having a third serving of rice at dinner?

I have a lot of questions about this scenario. Why is my kid overweight? If they weren’t active that day, why are they eating so much rice - is it a hormonal thing? An emotional thing? And also, what is wrong with me that I’m cooking boatloads of rice for one meal than policing how much people eat? Ultimately, it doesn’t seem like the answer in this scenario is just to tell the kid no more rice.

So you would restrict by cooking less rice. Isn't that still restricting? What happens when your child decides she can just cook more rice than you would cook?

And if they want to go through the trouble of making extra rice, fine, they must really be hungry!

If they are that hungry, don't you think that they would eat extra meat, vegetables, fruits, etc, rather than wait an extra 20-30 minutes for the second/third serving of rice to cook? After all, you indicated that rice isn't that special, right?

That is sort of the point. Many kids will want more rice, pasta, bread, but when told no, but they can have more vegetables or meat will say no. Plenty of times, kids (like adults) just want the tasty carbs but aren’t actually still hungry. This is why it is ok to restrict. Plus even if you don’t have a morsel of white flour or sugar in your house, there are the plentiful birthday parties, playdates, restaurants, trip food. Do you let your kid have 4 pieces of pizza and 2 pieces of cake at a birthday just because they want to? Some kids are totally good at self regulating and some aren’t. If they aren’t, it is your job as a parent to help them find that balance.

No, the child knows what its body wants/needs, and at that moment it’s not meat, fruits, or vegetables. If I were hungry at 3 pm and wanted a banana, and someone told me “no, bananas are bad, here’s a pork chop!”, I would probably also say no bc I just don’t want a pork chop right then. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t hungry.

NP. That's some hokey grade A bullcr*p. If I let my DD eat whatever she wanted, it would be sweets for breakfast, sweets for lunch, and sweets for dinner. She has a natural sweet tooth. But there's something called sugar and carb addiction. And common sense. Her body doesn't actually need all those sweets just because that's what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If overeating is a big issue, here's what I would suggest and it all centers around healthy eating habits that can be sustainable for the rest of her life.

- Figure out as many ways to incorporate fruits and vegetables and fiber into the diet. Maybe she likes veggies crunchy and raw, maybe she likes them sauteed. Maybe she likes to eat fruit before dinner, or for breakfast - maybe there are certain fruits she likes better. Aim for 5 a day. There are a lot of delicious healthy recipes for whatever kind of palate she might have

- Incorporate lean protein and complex carbs into daily diet.

- Keep junk food and candy out of the house, especially the prepackaged kind. If you want a treat, go out as a family together for ice cream. Feel free to get occasional fries or chips when you are out at a game or wherever. Also feel free to cook together occasionally to make homemade treats.

- Invite her to participate in meal planning and cooking.

- Never talk about "bad foods" or "good foods". You can say that veggies and fruits are chock full of nutrients that help her body grow and get stronger and it's important to eat them every day. You can also say that some foods have less of those wonderful nutrients, so you shouldn't fill up on them. In general, don't make food such a big focus on your daily lives. Eat to live, don't live to eat.

- If portions are a problem, just make enough food for your family and portion out your plates for dinner. If they are still hungry and want seconds, there is none left, but make sure there are plenty of fruit and veggies available if they are still hungry.

- Talk during meals, it slows the eating down. Keep it light and positive.

- Water only, no juices or sugary drinks.

- Be good role models for healthy and balanced (not restrictive) eating habits and positive body image

- Be active as a family on the weekends and after school if possible.

This is good in theory but impractical. Kids can overeat anything, but they especially like the carb stuff that nearly all households have: cereal, pretzels, granola bars, bread, pasta, rice. And high calorie foods like nuts, cheese, BP, avocados. While don’t have “junk” food, you still may need to say no, you can’t have a second bowl of plain cheerios or a second bowl of nuts, or no to a second giant handful of cashews. And cooking meals with “no leftovers”ever isn’t practical either and nearly impossibly to do.

And while the “good/bad” food thing is popular no no saying, it shouldn’t be. Maybe you don’t have to specifically use the words good and bad, but you do need to explain why you can have as much broccoli as your heart desires, but you shouldn’t do that with Snickers. Why you should only eat one serving of ice cream and cake at a birthday and not “as much as you want” Kids need to know. Especially if “as much as they want to eat” is really too much

Yep. In my house you can add more green beans or whatever vegetable is being offered. If you are still not full, there are always apples, oranges and bananas. and you can have apples, oranges and/or bananas anytime you want -- there are no restrictions on those. But you are definitely not eating as much rice as you want.

This is so toxic. There is nothing wrong with rice, and a banana is not better for you than rice is. Why should a hungry kid who’s just had sports practice eat 3 apples instead of an extra serving of rice? Also, rice is boring - anyone who’s given the opportunity to “binge” on rice is going to get bored of it pretty fast. You make it exciting by restricting it.

So you wouldn’t have any issue with your clinically overweight kid having a third serving of rice at dinner?

I have a lot of questions about this scenario. Why is my kid overweight? If they weren’t active that day, why are they eating so much rice - is it a hormonal thing? An emotional thing? And also, what is wrong with me that I’m cooking boatloads of rice for one meal than policing how much people eat? Ultimately, it doesn’t seem like the answer in this scenario is just to tell the kid no more rice.

So you would restrict by cooking less rice. Isn't that still restricting? What happens when your child decides she can just cook more rice than you would cook?

And if they want to go through the trouble of making extra rice, fine, they must really be hungry!

If they are that hungry, don't you think that they would eat extra meat, vegetables, fruits, etc, rather than wait an extra 20-30 minutes for the second/third serving of rice to cook? After all, you indicated that rice isn't that special, right?

That is sort of the point. Many kids will want more rice, pasta, bread, but when told no, but they can have more vegetables or meat will say no. Plenty of times, kids (like adults) just want the tasty carbs but aren’t actually still hungry. This is why it is ok to restrict. Plus even if you don’t have a morsel of white flour or sugar in your house, there are the plentiful birthday parties, playdates, restaurants, trip food. Do you let your kid have 4 pieces of pizza and 2 pieces of cake at a birthday just because they want to? Some kids are totally good at self regulating and some aren’t. If they aren’t, it is your job as a parent to help them find that balance.

No, the child knows what its body wants/needs, and at that moment it’s not meat, fruits, or vegetables. If I were hungry at 3 pm and wanted a banana, and someone told me “no, bananas are bad, here’s a pork chop!”, I would probably also say no bc I just don’t want a pork chop right then. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t hungry.

NP. That's some hokey grade A bullcr*p. If I let my DD eat whatever she wanted, it would be sweets for breakfast, sweets for lunch, and sweets for dinner. She has a natural sweet tooth. But there's something called sugar and carb addiction. And common sense. Her body doesn't actually need all those sweets just because that's what she wants.

Agree. Kids are different too. If left to her own intuition, my daughter would (and has) eat cake until she is sick. Meanwhile, her friend might eat half a slice and be done. Some kids are great at self regulation and some aren’t. Know your kid and set limits if they need them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Yeah this is tough. But look at some studies in it: if you restrict, yourself or your kids, overeating is almost guaranteed. Do you restrict at home? And it doesn’t sound like the doctors advice is really relevant if you’re giving your kid beans and carrots in a regular basis. It’s all well and good for a pediatrician to encourage less processed foods, but the American academy of pediatrics explicitly endorses an approach to feeding your kids that avoids a lot of meddling in how much kids eat. I don’t mean to act bossy but I genuinely encourage you to look up what the AAP has to say about feeding your kids.

NP and while I agree with this approach in general but American society is now chock full of processed foods that are designed to be addictive. Of course they’re going to eat lots of chocolate when available- it tastes good! I don’t feel like my parents really restricted us that much, we were the type to have a little Debbie snack in our lunch boxes every day and root beer floats every Friday, yet I still ate more junk food as a kid and in my teen years than my parents were aware of. It was common for kids to use their lunch money to buy a bunch of snacks instead of the hot lunch.

[Anonymous]

How can a kid eat sweets breakfast,lunch, and dinner if you don’t keep sweets in the house?

How can a kid feed a carb addiction if the pnly carbs in the house are whole grain? (Hint: it’s harder and far less likely.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can a kid eat sweets breakfast,lunch, and dinner if you don’t keep sweets in the house?

How can a kid feed a carb addiction if the pnly carbs in the house are whole grain? (Hint: it’s harder and far less likely.)

Because having every single item with grain/flour in your house be a true whole grain and only whole grains always isn’t realistic. You never buy a good crusty baguette to go with a stew, a bag of pretzels, real pastas, make homemade pizza, roasted potatoes, corn on the cob, make a batch of cookies or muffins. There are a LOT of foods that aren’t “processed junk” but that also aren’t farro or quinoa. Plus all kids have frequent and regular access to foods outside of your house on a regular basis- be it restaurants, school, birthday parties, play dates, friends/family houses, etc.

[Anonymous]

Just read the first post and geez no wonder why she is snaking candy!!!!!
Like she has such awesome parents, why would she ever do that!

[Anonymous]

Half a can of beans?? And you think that is a lot for a 9 year old?
No wonder she takes candy. She is hungry. More candy more hunger. If only her mom did not count how much she eats at meals maybe poor kid would not sneak food.
Who thinks a quesadilla and beans are enough for a growing kid!!
This is your fault. You have no idea what and how much a kid her age should eat.
The question is, what eating disorder do you have?bit always comes down to parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Half a can of beans?? And you think that is a lot for a 9 year old?
No wonder she takes candy. She is hungry. More candy more hunger. If only her mom did not count how much she eats at meals maybe poor kid would not sneak food.
Who thinks a quesadilla and beans are enough for a growing kid!!
This is your fault. You have no idea what and how much a kid her age should eat.
The question is, what eating disorder do you have?bit always comes down to parents.

Not saying OP is right, but the fact is her 9 yr old’s BMI has her as clinically overweight- so..she is obviously getting “enough” food to eat

[Anonymous]

Oh get a grip pp!! You are so disordered. I am 51 and can eat that many “chocolate balls” in one go. I’m 120 lbs!
It is not an abnormal amount for a growing kid. Feed your kid proper meals and go see a therapist to help you with your eating disorder and with your ocd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was overweight and throughout my entire life she fat shamed me. I was never fit enough for her. No I wasn’t skinny- I developed curves etc. but I definitely was in great shape for most of my life. But she always made me feel fat because of her own issues. When I look at photos of my younger self I’m so upset - I wasn’t fat at all. So back off is my advice.

+1 my parents also made me feel fat as a kid and always talked about what I ate - but I look at pictures now and I wasn’t even the least bit chubby.

Same same!!! And NOW, I am fat. But I look at pictures and realize I was never overweight until college. I just identified as a fat kid starting around puberty. And I freaking wasn't!!! I always wondered why I never once got made fun of for being fat. Now I know.

Another person who was not fat in middle school or high school but I was made to feel fat by the family. When I look back at photos from that
era my weight was just right and in no way was I overweight at all. I actually had a good figure.

Me also! I think my first diet started at around age 13. If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself not to ever start dieting. It's been a non-stop yo yo ever since. I don't restrict anything in our house. I grew up that way and I swore I would never do that to my kids. I think it's more important to be active.

Same. I was born prematurely. As a young child, I was forced to eat, and even punished when I didn’t. Then, due to a family member’s health issues, food at home was restricted, and there were few treats. Then — at what I now realize was a bounce towards puberty - I gained weight and was treated as “fat” with restrictions. When I look at pictures of myself from that era, I really was fine.

I know that my parents had good intentions, but between being forced to eat early on, and then shamed for not sticking to dietary restrictions that were not even intended for me, I’ve never learned how to let my body KNOW what fuels I need to function well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half a can of beans?? And you think that is a lot for a 9 year old?
No wonder she takes candy. She is hungry. More candy more hunger. If only her mom did not count how much she eats at meals maybe poor kid would not sneak food.
Who thinks a quesadilla and beans are enough for a growing kid!!
This is your fault. You have no idea what and how much a kid her age should eat.
The question is, what eating disorder do you have?bit always comes down to parents.

Not saying OP is right, but the fact is her 9 yr old’s BMI has her as clinically overweight- so..she is obviously getting “enough” food to eat

Of the wrong kind though. If op didn’t count her dad”s bites at dinner kid would not sneak.