How to talk to 9yo about overeating

[Anonymous]

90 lbs at age 9 doesn’t seem big to me, she’s likely prepubescent.

[Anonymous]

My mother was big on "eat a piece of fruit if you're hungry" and acted like it was some kind of "gotcha" moment if I said no.

Fruit is not filling. Offer her something with protein.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More exercise is needed

Weight is 90% diet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At home, is she "overeating" the kinds of foods that she is served and that the family is eating? Or is she raiding the cabinets at all hours?

I think kids this age understand healthy and not healthy, but it can still be a little confusing to understand why they can't have more of the meal that is offered if they feel hungry.

For example, my DD will eat all the french fries in sight, when given the chance. So we limit the occasions when we have them - but when we do, we don't police what she's eating, since everyone else is eating fries and there's enough for everyone. If I'm eating fries while also telling her to slow down, etc etc, that's confusing for her.

She overeats the foods we are eating - she is definitely not raiding the cabinets as far as I can tell. Tonight for dinner we had chicken quesadillas, black beans, raspberries and raw carrots. She had her whole quesadilla and a small bowl of beans, probably 10 raspberries and 5 mini carrots. She said she was hungry and asked for more beans. She probably had half a can of beans all in.

But that said, on Sunday we had some friends and their kids over and ordered in pizza. She had 3 normal size slices, and all the other kids just had one.

That honestly doesn’t seem like too much for dinner. But her weight seems high to me. Is she active?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was big on "eat a piece of fruit if you're hungry" and acted like it was some kind of "gotcha" moment if I said no.

Fruit is not filling. Offer her something with protein.

Yeah, there's lots of "gotcha" here, between that and the candy.

OP, read Ellyn Satter. Tell your mother not to leave a giant bowl of candy out when children are visiting.

[Anonymous]

Do you put a bunch of restrictions on food? I think that leads to this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you put a bunch of restrictions on food? I think that leads to this behavior.

Bingo. A kid sneaking food is is sign that they are being overly restricted. As the parent you need to work on your own food issues. Ellen satter is a good place to start.

The best things you can do right now:

1. Make MORE treats available to your kid so the perceived scarcity doesn’t lead to binging
2. Make a policy to never ever comment on your kids eating choices or weight.

Do the above to avoid inflicting damage as you work through your own stuff.

[Anonymous]

“We have treats and I keep a close eye on them.”

Besides Ellen Slatter, I would suggest you also read Intuitive Eating. Making foods forbidden is a big trigger for overeating. I think your daughter is getting the picture that all foods outside of fruits and vegetables are “forbidden.” Beans might not be totally forbidden, but she knows mom is watching when she eats “too many” beans.

[Anonymous]

If you’re on IG, you could also try following @kidseatincolor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like any parent who harps on portion control and checking in on "are you sure you don't feel full" ends up with a kid who sneaks candy

My parents did, and I have never sneaked food. I am overweight, but I am a size 10 at 5ft 8inches and after 2 children. So I am not dangerously overweight.

My 9 year old overeats. I tell her, but i am a little more "scientific: about it than my parents were. She makes healthier choices because of it, but she still overeats. She has never sneaked food. She is not overweight because she tries to make good choices( she will pick green beans over rice if she has already had a second serving of rice). She has an incredible appetite, and she gets it from me.

I have a very skinny 7 year old who would sneak candy because she loves sugar. But she is an extremely picky eater and stops eating when she is full, unless it's candy.

I think these are two separate issues( overeating and a sweet tooth), and a young child sneaking candy is not surprising or rare. The solution here is easy at this age: keep it out of sight.

The overeating in general is more complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s her current height and weight? Where has her growth been on the percentile charts?

She is 55 inches tall (83rd percentile) and 90 lbs (93rd percentile). This is the same growth curve she has been on for a few years. So this has always been her build.

This is not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you put a bunch of restrictions on food? I think that leads to this behavior.

Bingo. A kid sneaking food is is sign that they are being overly restricted. As the parent you need to work on your own food issues. Ellen satter is a good place to start.

The best things you can do right now:

1. Make MORE treats available to your kid so the perceived scarcity doesn’t lead to binging
2. Make a policy to never ever comment on your kids eating choices or weight.

Do the above to avoid inflicting damage as you work through your own stuff.

We really don’t restrict anything and she definitely not deprived, unless you consider not letting her eat a cheeseburger, fries and unlimited desserts daily being too restrictive. We eat dinner at home 4-5 night per week and then order in/go out 2-3 nights. One night per week is always burger and fries and one is pizza. She has dessert 3-4 times per week. Sometimes it is just an Oreo or two, sometimes it’s more substantial. After school snacks are pirates booty, goldfish, etc. Don’t get me wrong, she has healthy stuff in there too but she is not deprived of anything.

[Anonymous]

OP I have concerns about my 9yo at times too. She is 55 inches and 102lbs but is super solid and always has been. She is not sneaking food though, this would concern me. She had a small desert with her packed lunch and a regular size dessert after dinner assuming she ate a good dinner. I do allow junky snacks in moderation like Pringle’s are her new favorite snack. But other times she says she’s hungry I try and get her to eat something filling but healthy. Like, she does like berries but a bowl of blueberries won’t fill you up if you are legit hungry. A banana with some peanut butter on it will though. She will frequently have a banana or apple with PB before bed ( we eat dinner early) we do allow desserts but dessert are not snacks. I would try to focus more on being healthy while allowing a set amount of treats /desserts as well so there’s no hiding wrappers.

[Anonymous]

Above PP again. My kid also swims 2 hours per week, plays soccer twice a week and dies martial arts twice a week. Plus hikes or bike riding on the weekend. I think that’s plenty of exercise lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you put a bunch of restrictions on food? I think that leads to this behavior.

Bingo. A kid sneaking food is is sign that they are being overly restricted. As the parent you need to work on your own food issues. Ellen satter is a good place to start.

The best things you can do right now:

1. Make MORE treats available to your kid so the perceived scarcity doesn’t lead to binging
2. Make a policy to never ever comment on your kids eating choices or weight.

Do the above to avoid inflicting damage as you work through your own stuff.

We really don’t restrict anything and she definitely not deprived, unless you consider not letting her eat a cheeseburger, fries and unlimited desserts daily being too restrictive. We eat dinner at home 4-5 night per week and then order in/go out 2-3 nights. One night per week is always burger and fries and one is pizza. She has dessert 3-4 times per week. Sometimes it is just an Oreo or two, sometimes it’s more substantial. After school snacks are pirates booty, goldfish, etc. Don’t get me wrong, she has healthy stuff in there too but she is not deprived of anything.

Then what/who is sending her the message she shouldn’t have candy? If it wasn’t a big deal she wouldn’t have snuck it.