How do you help a friend who in denial that her twins are totally ASD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the mother of a 3 year old with special needs.

People LOVE to point out to me that he’s impulsive, inattentive, behind in speech, etc.

I LITERALLY hear about it nearly twice a week.

Let me let you in on a little secret-there is no cure for any of this. You think an evaluation and therapy are going to “fix” this? These girls are who they are and even with ALL the interventions, they will still be like this. Maybe with intervention you could move the needle 5-10%.

I get so angry…. You realize therapy was almost entirely online during the pandemic anyway?

I’m doing all the things, we have a developmental pediatrician, my son is already medicated at AGE 3, we get daily therapy. It’s made ZERO and I literally mean ZERO difference.

I'm glad we did all the interventions as I would have regretted not doing them but reality is I don't think any of them made any difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the mother of a 3 year old with special needs.

People LOVE to point out to me that he’s impulsive, inattentive, behind in speech, etc.

I LITERALLY hear about it nearly twice a week.

Let me let you in on a little secret-there is no cure for any of this. You think an evaluation and therapy are going to “fix” this? These girls are who they are and even with ALL the interventions, they will still be like this. Maybe with intervention you could move the needle 5-10%.

I get so angry…. You realize therapy was almost entirely online during the pandemic anyway?

I’m doing all the things, we have a developmental pediatrician, my son is already medicated at AGE 3, we get daily therapy. It’s made ZERO and I literally mean ZERO difference.

I'm glad we did all the interventions as I would have regretted not doing them but reality is I don't think any of them made any difference.

Same here. People act like developmental disabilities are like an illness and if only the mom would get treatment for the kids, the illness would go away. This isn’t like a child with a broken arm or a fever. Sure, get the eval and the interventions but they aren’t magical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the mother of a 3 year old with special needs.

People LOVE to point out to me that he’s impulsive, inattentive, behind in speech, etc.

I LITERALLY hear about it nearly twice a week.

Let me let you in on a little secret-there is no cure for any of this. You think an evaluation and therapy are going to “fix” this? These girls are who they are and even with ALL the interventions, they will still be like this. Maybe with intervention you could move the needle 5-10%.

I get so angry…. You realize therapy was almost entirely online during the pandemic anyway?

I’m doing all the things, we have a developmental pediatrician, my son is already medicated at AGE 3, we get daily therapy. It’s made ZERO and I literally mean ZERO difference.

Same. My kids has been in therapies for various things nearly since he was born. The pt helped I think. But honestly I think the ot, psychotherapy, social skills class - did nothing. I love our ot and our psychologist and I feel like they are my ‘team’ and help me understand him but I don’t think it really helps. Having said that I do think pt and st are important but you shouldn’t need a specific dx to get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to this query seem a bit unhinged. This woman is absolutely my friend and I've spent enough time with her and her children to be confident about "my diagnosis." We've been friends for almost a year and I regularly see her for playdates and to get out of the house. I never mentioned anything to her until she brought it up TO ME after the preschool teacher mentioned it; in the back of my mind I always knew it would come up and when the teacher mentioned it I was surprised by her complete denial.

I'm sorry, but the other adults around a child DO have a duty to them, to a certain extent. I'm not going to mention it to her unless she brings it up first but I was a little surprised when this other preschool apparently had no issue with them and their obvious developmental disorder. I just got the vibe that the school wanted their money and would flag the issue later, after the check cleared.

I don't think preschools weed kids out for ASD or anything else, do they? Of course, parents and preschool teachers can discuss their concerns, but it's weird to me that you think the preschool should what? - deny them entrance because you think they're on the spectrum?

What is so off about that? Plenty of selective preschools reject kids for all sorts of reasons, and developmental delays are just one of them. If the OP's school is selective it's entirely reasonable they would have passed on special needs twins.

DP. But clearly not since the twins already went there. Plus you don’t actually know anything about these girls and their abilities. Just heard that they could possibly have autism and reacted like it could somehow infect the NT kids at these selective preschools with the autism disease.

[Anonymous]

Back off. Leave it alone. MYOB

[Anonymous]

My god you people are insane for attacking the OP who just wanted to help her friend. If anyone needs therapy its you guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to this query seem a bit unhinged. This woman is absolutely my friend and I've spent enough time with her and her children to be confident about "my diagnosis." We've been friends for almost a year and I regularly see her for playdates and to get out of the house. I never mentioned anything to her until she brought it up TO ME after the preschool teacher mentioned it; in the back of my mind I always knew it would come up and when the teacher mentioned it I was surprised by her complete denial.

I'm sorry, but the other adults around a child DO have a duty to them, to a certain extent. I'm not going to mention it to her unless she brings it up first but I was a little surprised when this other preschool apparently had no issue with them and their obvious developmental disorder. I just got the vibe that the school wanted their money and would flag the issue later, after the check cleared.

I don't think preschools weed kids out for ASD or anything else, do they? Of course, parents and preschool teachers can discuss their concerns, but it's weird to me that you think the preschool should what? - deny them entrance because you think they're on the spectrum?

What is so off about that? Plenty of selective preschools reject kids for all sorts of reasons, and developmental delays are just one of them. If the OP's school is selective it's entirely reasonable they would have passed on special needs twins.

DP. But clearly not since the twins already went there. Plus you don’t actually know anything about these girls and their abilities. Just heard that they could possibly have autism and reacted like it could somehow infect the NT kids at these selective preschools with the autism disease.

NP. Plenty of kids can "pass" a private school interview and then reveal themselves to be on the spectrum later on. Seems like this is the case for OP.

[Anonymous]

I have 5 close friends whose kids have been in ABA for decades. They are still autistic. Their functioning has improved, and they have more skills, but they are still autistic.

Many therapies move the needle only a small amount.

Op you say you have known this person a year. I don't really put much stock in the opinions of people who have known my family so little time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 5 close friends whose kids have been in ABA for decades. They are still autistic. Their functioning has improved, and they have more skills, but they are still autistic.

Many therapies move the needle only a small amount.

Op you say you have known this person a year. I don't really put much stock in the opinions of people who have known my family so little time.

Of course they are still autistic. There is no cure for autism. ABA is just to help the child develop their social skills, communication skills, etc a bit more.

Signed,
A psychologist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 5 close friends whose kids have been in ABA for decades. They are still autistic. Their functioning has improved, and they have more skills, but they are still autistic.

Many therapies move the needle only a small amount.

Op you say you have known this person a year. I don't really put much stock in the opinions of people who have known my family so little time.

Of course they are still autistic. There is no cure for autism. ABA is just to help the child develop their social skills, communication skills, etc a bit more.

Signed,
A psychologist

And so you know there is no rush to start at 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My god you people are insane for attacking the OP who just wanted to help her friend. If anyone needs therapy its you guys.

I feel like you are the op

[Anonymous]

You said your peace but aren’t the parent, let it go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to this query seem a bit unhinged. This woman is absolutely my friend and I've spent enough time with her and her children to be confident about "my diagnosis." We've been friends for almost a year and I regularly see her for playdates and to get out of the house. I never mentioned anything to her until she brought it up TO ME after the preschool teacher mentioned it; in the back of my mind I always knew it would come up and when the teacher mentioned it I was surprised by her complete denial.

I'm sorry, but the other adults around a child DO have a duty to them, to a certain extent. I'm not going to mention it to her unless she brings it up first but I was a little surprised when this other preschool apparently had no issue with them and their obvious developmental disorder. I just got the vibe that the school wanted their money and would flag the issue later, after the check cleared.

I don't think preschools weed kids out for ASD or anything else, do they? Of course, parents and preschool teachers can discuss their concerns, but it's weird to me that you think the preschool should what? - deny them entrance because you think they're on the spectrum?

What is so off about that? Plenty of selective preschools reject kids for all sorts of reasons, and developmental delays are just one of them. If the OP's school is selective it's entirely reasonable they would have passed on special needs twins.

DP. But clearly not since the twins already went there. Plus you don’t actually know anything about these girls and their abilities. Just heard that they could possibly have autism and reacted like it could somehow infect the NT kids at these selective preschools with the autism disease.

NP. Plenty of kids can "pass" a private school interview and then reveal themselves to be on the spectrum later on. Seems like this is the case for OP. [/quote

]
The way asd is now dx you will find many many kids on the spectrum in private. Asd dx are nearly doubling every year and happening more often with kids who appear fairly nt and just struggle with flexibility and just a tad ‘difficult’ - they also likely have many undiagnosed kids there.

[jsteele]

I think this topic has been covered sufficiently and is no longer productive.