I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’d never hire a nanny for a pre verbal infant. No way.

I somewhat agree. I hired a nanny for my preverbal infants only because I work from home.

That makes no sense to me! Infancy is the absolute best time to have one-one care. Do you paranoid nuts think all nannies are going to abuse your babies? Are you hiring out of prisons?!

Yeah really. Cynical as hell! My nanny was so much more patient than I ever was as a mom...

+2. Some women have such horrible beliefs about other women. Our nanny has 15 years of experience and was a teacher. In three years she has never even gotten frustrated with my kids. And she loves them.

I am the PP who said I would not hire a nanny for a preverbal infant. My opinion is based on the time I spent as a SAHM (and spent time at parks with the nannies) and working in the childcare field myself.

I would definitely hire a nanny for older kids. Just not infants and toddlers.

And my opinion is based on the years I was as a daycare teacher in the infant room, I would never put my baby in daycare. I like daycare with accredited preschool for three and up.

NP I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daycare and it is 1000x better than the nanny share I looked at. Sorry you didn't work in a good daycare but there are some great ones out there. I go once or twice a day to breastfeed and get a peek into the classroom regularly and it's a great environment. My child (9mo) is super attached to her head teacher and seems happy whenever we go there. That being said if I was super rich and had a big house instead of a 500sqft apartment and could afford an amazing nanny I'm sure that would be a great option too - it's just not my situation.

Happy OP found something that works for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel like providence has spoken! Since posting this, an amazing nanny in our neighborhood became available (family is moving) and we had an interview with her this morning. She is older and so lovely! She came in and asked to wash her hands - and then held the baby for the entire interview! The baby woke up with cold number three and nanny knew how to hold him and comfort him. We talked for two hours!

She can start in two weeks after next. All of her references including our neighbor (who was crying about losing her) were fantastic! I am so relieved!!!!

I’d have to take time off anyway due to the baby’s cold and my mom has agreed to drive down for the remainder of the time so we don’t have to go back to daycare.

Thank you everyone for responding (even the poster who thinks I need medication ).

This is absolutely the right decision. I feel it in my gut.

OP I'm so happy for you. This absolutely sounds like the right decision for you. I felt the exact same when we went to the home of what became our in-home provider. I could feel the warmth and I knew right away it was the right choice. We also had grandparents help to bridge the few week gap so we wouldn't have to go back to the center that wasn't working for us (because baby was sick as well, our lives feel very parallel just a few years apart). We never looked back and I have always been SO grateful we didn't keep my child in the particular center we started him in (I'm sure he would have been totally fine! but for my sanity and well being especially)

[Anonymous]

I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same boat and we stretched to get a nanny. No regrets. Now my kids are 3 & 5 and we love daycare. Childcare, like so many things with parenting, is a bit of a moving target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your situation, I would get a nanny until she's 3. Then switch to preschool/daycare. You hate daycare, you have the money, your spouse is on board, and it will bring you great peace of mind. You can start saving in less than 3 years.

That's what we did, OP. Except we started daycare when DD was 2,2, i was waiting till she starts talking before putting her in daycare and could sort of tell if something happened during the day to alert us.

[Anonymous]

Happy for you OP!

[Anonymous]

Happy that you have a good resolution OP! I have tweens and teens now and what I have observed is that there are just daycare people and nanny people. We loved being in a nanny share for our first and then having the same nanny work for us exclusively when our 2nd was born. It worked great and we still see her every year or so. She just went to see my 15 yo play soccer. But no judgement to the folks more comfortable with daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a month and I still hate handing her over every morning. I hate getting her bundled up, packed up, and out of the house. The daycare is fine I guess but I worry all day long. She’s such a good baby and I fear she’s getting ignored because of one higher needs baby in her room. I also hate getting the dirty breastmilk bottles back at the end of the day (minor issue but it just bugs me). She’s also had two colds in the last month and a diaper rash.

Should I stick with it or just admit I’m not a daycare parent? We could afford a nanny if we really scrimp and stop contributing to our savings. DH was insistent that we try daycare initially but is now open to a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a month and I still hate handing her over every morning. I hate getting her bundled up, packed up, and out of the house. The daycare is fine I guess but I worry all day long. She’s such a good baby and I fear she’s getting ignored because of one higher needs baby in her room. I also hate getting the dirty breastmilk bottles back at the end of the day (minor issue but it just bugs me). She’s also had two colds in the last month and a diaper rash.

Should I stick with it or just admit I’m not a daycare parent? We could afford a nanny if we really scrimp and stop contributing to our savings. DH was insistent that we try daycare initially but is now open to a nanny.

I had a nanny until 12 months. I was not living in the DMV at the time and we probably could not have afforded it here; would have leaned toward a nanny share after paid parental leave. I am 100% a daycare parent with a toddler but did not like all the prep work of infant daycare; babies are already high-maintenance without the bottle washing, meal prepping (for solids), getting out the door in the morning. Vastly easier with a toddler who can help dress herself, eat breakfast without assistance, comply with basic instructions for getting ready, and eat the catered meals that are provided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

[Anonymous]

Not all daycares are alike. My DD has been in daycare since she was 6 months old. My mother who works in early childhood education visited a few times (pre-pandemic obviously) and remarked on how sweet all the teachers were with the babies, which is not something she sees at all the providers she works with. We always got the impression that DD was being doted on. Every parent should have that feeling with their child care provider whether it be a nanny or a child care center or an in home provider.

Very few will wash your bottles for you but if a baby is getting diaper rash at daycare and didn't get it before I'd worry. If OP felt her baby's needs weren't being properly taken care of, she may very well have been right. I think every parent should listen to their instincts as OP did. Glad you found a solution!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all daycares are alike. My DD has been in daycare since she was 6 months old. My mother who works in early childhood education visited a few times (pre-pandemic obviously) and remarked on how sweet all the teachers were with the babies, which is not something she sees at all the providers she works with. We always got the impression that DD was being doted on. Every parent should have that feeling with their child care provider whether it be a nanny or a child care center or an in home provider.

Very few will wash your bottles for you but if a baby is getting diaper rash at daycare and didn't get it before I'd worry. If OP felt her baby's needs weren't being properly taken care of, she may very well have been right. I think every parent should listen to their instincts as OP did. Glad you found a solution!

Agree. The daycare I tried first was not a good fit (and - fwiw - it was more expensive). The "less fancy" daycare with higher ratios actually ended up being the much better fit and my child's lead teachers have genuinely loved her and it shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it, but in the long term, your baby will be better off with daycare and parents who have more savings, instead of nanny and parents with less savings.

Yes, everyone knows what children really need is money.

(OP’s choice is not stability or nanny.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it, but in the long term, your baby will be better off with daycare and parents who have more savings, instead of nanny and parents with less savings.

Yes, everyone knows what children really need is money.

(OP’s choice is not stability or nanny.)

+1. Money for therapy perhaps if their mother is so miserable with daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.