Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, under the circumstances, I do not think it is wise for you to host a dinner party right now.

These aren't just friends, they are your in-laws. They don't just drink socially, they are heavy drinkers.

I gave up alcohol a few years ago and have had social drinkers over with no problem. We open a bottle of wine for them, but I just don't drink any. But I am assuming your in laws will drink a lot more than that and it sounds like you don't expect them to be supportive of you not drinking. I would cancel this party and get together a different time.

I was a heavy binge drinker in college who joined a religion that does not allow alcohol. I would not think twice about hosting old friends with no alcohol. Most people think giving up alcohol is weird, but they won't try to sabotage you. You should NOT try to make them happy at the expense of your sobriety. I do offer lots of really nice mocktails, infused waters, sparkling cider, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just get one bottle of wine and not drink it. I don't drink but I'll get some for others.

+1 That's what I'd do. One bottle of wine is just fine for two guests. Once it runs out, that's it.

[Anonymous]

I rarely drink, but a party is a situation in which I'd want/need alcohol. I'd be very disappointed if I were expecting alcohol at a get together and arrived to find none. At least inform them in advance so they can flask up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are recently sober then DO NOT host heavy drinking in laws. Do you have a sponsor? You need to talk to a therapist or your AA group about this.

This. Protect your sobriety at all costs. I'd actually back off from hosting. Talk to your therapist or your sponsor in AA or talk with your AA group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just get one bottle of wine and not drink it. I don't drink but I'll get some for others.

+1 That's what I'd do. One bottle of wine is just fine for two guests. Once it runs out, that's it.

She is an alcoholic new to sobriety. Those new to sobriety should not be around alcohol. It is too tempting to relapse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently had to quit drinking. If I host a dinner party and serve a great spread (like I usually do) with a variety of non-alcoholic beverages, do you think guests will be put off or think I’m cheap or a bad host? The guests are heavy drinkers (drinking during daytime kid birthday parties, sneaking drinks at public parks, etc). When I’ve hosted in the past, I’ve always served alcohol, but can’t do that anymore. I never told them I quit.

If they brought their own, which some of them probably will, they can drink it and take it home. I don’t want to tell people to BYOB though. That sounds cheap to me.

Please explain drinking in a public park. Do you mean like while children play for 30 to 60 min? Because I can't think of a time I'd do this. Maybe on a Saturday morning with a spiked coffee? Maybe. But I nor my husband have ever done such a thing.

Literally everyone I know brings booze to the park—wine, beer, canned cocktails. The kids run around and play, we eat and drink and listen to the concerts that are often taking place. It’s no biggie.

[Anonymous]

If you have hosted in the past and served alcohol, and these are friends vs family, you need to either tell them BYOB or provide alcohol. I have seen this happen. Guests who are big drinkers arriving at a party where they assume there will be alcohol. Not fun.

It's not that you are required to provide alcohol, just that if you've changed the parameters on your parties, you just need to give a heads up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just get one bottle of wine and not drink it. I don't drink but I'll get some for others.

+1 That's what I'd do. One bottle of wine is just fine for two guests. Once it runs out, that's it.

She is an alcoholic new to sobriety. Those new to sobriety should not be around alcohol. It is too tempting to relapse.

If she is new to sobriety, and has always had drinking parties with these people, I'm not sure she should have the party at all. People who expect to drink at the party (and lead to believe given the past that they will) are not going to be happy. And it isn't a good idea for a newly sober person to be around people drinking and having fun.

I vote for no party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let them know! I won’t be serving alcohol this year as I have stopped drinking. I will have a lot of delicious options!

I find it so strange that some adults can’t socialize without alcohol. If that’s you, you need to ask yourself what’s going on.

“I will have a lot of delicious options”. Well, when you put it like that…
I love delicious options!

What does this mean? Delicious options?? I only drink water, coffee, wine. Delicious options really just sounds like a calorie bomb and I can’t imagine people would rather have that than wine.

Agreed. For people who like to drink alcohol there is no "delicious" alcohol free option that is an acceptable substitute.

+1 I have zero interest in a delicious alcohol free anything at a party. Another for water, coffee and wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

It sounds like your relatives don't and won't stop at having just one drink. They drink heavily throughout social occasions am I right?

Good job on quitting. Please talk to a professional counselor or your AA group about this matter.

[Anonymous]

OP, just tell your family that you are going alcohol free for the holidays. They are welcome to bring something if they want to drink, but for now you won't have any in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.

I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?

Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.

Ugh. I only made it to this ridiculously pious, self-congratulatory comment before I couldn’t take it anymore.

Yeah guess what lady, your “social group” sounds like hell on earth. A bunch of sober DCUM posters, Mormons, and Muslims. To borrow from William F. Buckley, I’d rather choose 10 randos from the nearest tent city to hang out with. (Also the rest of us just call them “friends”.)

PS - I know plenty of cool Mormons and Muslims who drink.

[Anonymous]

Yes and who cares

[Anonymous]

We are big drinkers. We would not care in the least. My BIL is a recovering alcoholic and we don’t drink when they come over for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

I would expect alcohol because it is a party but I don't drink enough that it not being there would be some weird thing or that I would be pissed off about it.