Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?

[Anonymous]

I recently had to quit drinking. If I host a dinner party and serve a great spread (like I usually do) with a variety of non-alcoholic beverages, do you think guests will be put off or think I’m cheap or a bad host? The guests are heavy drinkers (drinking during daytime kid birthday parties, sneaking drinks at public parks, etc). When I’ve hosted in the past, I’ve always served alcohol, but can’t do that anymore. I never told them I quit.

If they brought their own, which some of them probably will, they can drink it and take it home. I don’t want to tell people to BYOB though. That sounds cheap to me.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t drink, I don’t think you need to provide alcohol. I would provide a variety of soft drinks, including iced tea, and maybe even an interesting mixed non-alcoholic drink. If your friends can’t have a good time without drinking, you need new friends.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t think anything of it. I drink, but not a ton.

[Anonymous]

I would prefer that

[Anonymous]

If the guests are heavy drinkers, they will feel put out that there’s no alcohol.
You need to tell them you can’t have it in the house.

[Anonymous]

Not a big drinker but would think it weird to be at a party with nothing. Could you just provide some wine and not liquor?

[Anonymous]

Yes, op, if this is your family you’re hosting, you need to tell them in advance that you will not be serving alcohol and cannot have it in your house, and that they can bring with them and take it with them when they leave.

None of these facts are easy for someone to predict, or link together. So if you tell them just that you stopped alcohol, it may not be obvious that you will not have anything at dinner party to serve either. Similarly, if I am told that no alcohol is served, I wouldn’t expect that this means that I can bring my own and take it.

I would be ok with non-alcohol dinner, but I am not invited to your dinner. You know your guests best and what would or wouldn’t be ok with them. If you’re ok with them bringing their own alcohol, just be straightforward about it.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the guests. With my family (my mom and dad) there is never alcohol. With my husbands family, dinners are as much about the wine as the food. Friends vary. If you are hosting people you used to drink with, i would just be honest. You no longer drink, will not have alcohol but they are free to bring their own.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just get one bottle of wine and not drink it. I don't drink but I'll get some for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, op, if this is your family you’re hosting, you need to tell them in advance that you will not be serving alcohol and cannot have it in your house, and that they can bring with them and take it with them when they leave.

None of these facts are easy for someone to predict, or link together. So if you tell them just that you stopped alcohol, it may not be obvious that you will not have anything at dinner party to serve either. Similarly, if I am told that no alcohol is served, I wouldn’t expect that this means that I can bring my own and take it.

I would be ok with non-alcohol dinner, but I am not invited to your dinner. You know your guests best and what would or wouldn’t be ok with them. If you’re ok with them bringing their own alcohol, just be straightforward about it.

This is the right answer. If you feel compelled to stop drinking, then I don't think you should feel obligated to go shop for it for others (especially not while this is new to you). But let people know. And if you are okay with their bringing drinks (that they take home with them), then let them know that. If you are truly not in a place where you are okay with that, let your guests know that too. I can't imagine insisting on alcohol at someone's house if they were recently sober, but I don't know your guests or your full situation.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want to be surprised by this at a dinner party. Tell them in advance so they know to byob (if you are truly ok with that).

[Anonymous]

Assuming they are friends just be honest. I am not a drinker and do not get why alcohol is such a requirement...but it is for many. I buy it. Hope it all gets used and just toss the rest. the

[Anonymous]

Yeah if the guests all drink and as far as they know you drink, then of course it’ll be super weird to not serve alcohol. I think it would be rude and cheap anyway, given that it’s a dinner party for adults.

If you’re trying to quit, that’s honestly great. But a dinner party for heavy drinkers probably wasn’t a great decision. Just cancel if you’re serious about the not drinking.

[Anonymous]

Great work giving up alcohol. It will be a surprise for some people to learn this about you. But that is ok; it will come up in conversation. I don’t drink, gave it up 2plus yrs ago. I feel great - Annie Grace approach. My husband rarely does. We offer alcohol when we have company.

Unfortunately the culture of and habit of alcohol makes this nearly impossible for you to avoid talking about alcohol in some way at your party,. I’m guessing that is your hope, to avoid the conversation. I get it. There is a lot of judgement when someone makes a healthy decision such as this- very different than if you gave up sugar or meat, for example. If you don’t offer alcohol and don’t mention it ahead, they will ask you about it Because it is expected. You just can’t control if the topic comes up or not. You do control how you manage it though.

So see what feels right. Seems like you have three options.
1. saying to your guests ahead “ I’m working on being healthier, and going to provide food and lots of drinks, non-alcoholic. Please feel free to bring any other drinks you’d like to have”
2. If you’d rather no alcohol and not bring it up ahead, pretend it isn’t a big deal abd just have a simple response prepared for when they ask- where’s the wine and beer?
3. If don’t tell them ahead and want to be proactive, just when your guests come and you offer a drink, list what you have and say- lightly with a smile- no alcohol here tonight friends, trying things a little differently- so I do have (and list some great options).

And you can handle it. And you can do this. Breaking this habit can be hard; you are doing a great thing. More and more people are becoming alcohol free- you aren’t alone. You can do this. Keep being brave.

Ps- I think there will also likely will be other people there who embrace this, and don’t drink either!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the guests are heavy drinkers, they will feel put out that there’s no alcohol.
You need to tell them you can’t have it in the house.

It’s important to state that or people will leave bottles at your house. Either as a hostess gift or accidentally.

One year, we made all of our guests leave with a bottle. It wasn’t even about sobriety for us.