Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.

I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?

Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.

What a very odd comment. NP, but I feel sorry for you. You sound boring and socially awkward, and like you view your friendships as transactional. Sad.

Nope, not at all. Just PP’s post: ‘I will only attend parties where a specific substance is served’ is very small minded, and limits socializing to only people who consume that substance, which is a limited subset of people.

She didn't say that. And "a specific substance" is such an odd way of putting it. Alcohol is a standard thing to have at a party, and it loosens people up and generally adds to the fun. I actually dont drink much, but PP has every right not to want to go back when someone refuses to serve something that is standard at parties and social gatherings. It's very strange.

[Anonymous]

You don't host a dinner party with friends who you know drink without telling first that you stopped drinking and wouldn't be serving anything.

Until you're ready to do that, you're not ready to host dinner parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.

I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?

Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.

What a very odd comment. NP, but I feel sorry for you. You sound boring and socially awkward, and like you view your friendships as transactional. Sad.

Nope, not at all. Just PP’s post: ‘I will only attend parties where a specific substance is served’ is very small minded, and limits socializing to only people who consume that substance, which is a limited subset of people.

She didn't say that. And "a specific substance" is such an odd way of putting it. Alcohol is a standard thing to have at a party, and it loosens people up and generally adds to the fun. I actually dont drink much, but PP has every right not to want to go back when someone refuses to serve something that is standard at parties and social gatherings. It's very strange.

It’s very standard at *some* dinner parties. In *some* communities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.

I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?

Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.

What a very odd comment. NP, but I feel sorry for you. You sound boring and socially awkward, and like you view your friendships as transactional. Sad.

Nope, not at all. Just PP’s post: ‘I will only attend parties where a specific substance is served’ is very small minded, and limits socializing to only people who consume that substance, which is a limited subset of people.

She didn't say that. And "a specific substance" is such an odd way of putting it. Alcohol is a standard thing to have at a party, and it loosens people up and generally adds to the fun. I actually dont drink much, but PP has every right not to want to go back when someone refuses to serve something that is standard at parties and social gatherings. It's very strange.

It’s very standard at *some* dinner parties. In *some* communities.

DP. Sounds like it’s the standard in OP’s social circle. So I’m not sure what you’re getting at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.

I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?

Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.

What a very odd comment. NP, but I feel sorry for you. You sound boring and socially awkward, and like you view your friendships as transactional. Sad.

Nope, not at all. Just PP’s post: ‘I will only attend parties where a specific substance is served’ is very small minded, and limits socializing to only people who consume that substance, which is a limited subset of people.

She didn't say that. And "a specific substance" is such an odd way of putting it. Alcohol is a standard thing to have at a party, and it loosens people up and generally adds to the fun. I actually dont drink much, but PP has every right not to want to go back when someone refuses to serve something that is standard at parties and social gatherings. It's very strange.

It’s very standard at *some* dinner parties. In *some* communities.

Correct!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d provide some beer and wine. If they’re getting sitters, they want a night out.

Wow.

It is more like you meant to say. "If they are getting a sitter, they want alcohol" My friend group hardly drinks. If someone was trying to avoid alcohol, everyone would be supportive. If someone shared they were diabetic, I would not serve a chocolate cake for dessert.

If someone was trying to lose weight, I would have a dinner party without any food.

OP did not say she would not serve any beverages just not alcoholic beverages.

[Anonymous]

I let my guests know in advance in the confirmation email. Usually attributing to “not serving alcohol with our teens present.”

I also have plenty of beverages and a hot spiced apple cider usually works well as an option too. Folks appreciate knowing in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d provide some beer and wine. If they’re getting sitters, they want a night out.

Wow.

It is more like you meant to say. "If they are getting a sitter, they want alcohol" My friend group hardly drinks. If someone was trying to avoid alcohol, everyone would be supportive. If someone shared they were diabetic, I would not serve a chocolate cake for dessert.

If someone was trying to lose weight, I would have a dinner party without any food.

OP did not say she would not serve any beverages just not alcoholic beverages.

OP also didn’t say she was an alcoholic. I think it’s different if OP’s just trying to lose weight by not consuming alcohol vs is an addict. If an addict came to my house, I would not serve alcohol. If a vegetarian came, I’d still serve meat.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

Good luck, OP! This sounds like dangerous territory. Are they just coming for dinner? Or will they be with you for several days? I think your DH should just tell them before hand “we have decided not to have alcohol in the house anymore. If you guys would like a happy hour or after-dinner-drink, we will not be offended if you go out”. He doesn’t have to tell them you’re a recovering alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

OP, as you can see from a lot of the answers here, some people are VERY protective of their alcohol, and their "right" to drink at any event.

Your friends might be the same way. You may need to cultivate friendships with people who aren't heavy/frequent drinkers. I promise you that we are out there.

I don't drink alcohol at all, but I generally only throw brunch parties (as opposed to dinners) and then I can have coffee, water, pink lemonade or something, and I'll include orange juice and a bottle of champagne for people to make mimosas if they want. Nobody ever complains and everyone comes back for another brunch.

Good luck in your sobriety journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t tell your friends that you’ve stopped drinking, you’re not ready to host a party.

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

I would not host, then. Find someone else in the family to do it, and have your husband back you up. Try to host next year.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to get out of hosting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

What do you mean, you “can handle” witnessing someone have a drink or two, but then you can’t handle if they drink a lot? You sound very judgmental of what/how much they drink.