Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

I would not host, then. Find someone else in the family to do it, and have your husband back you up. Try to host next year.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

What do you mean, you “can handle” witnessing someone have a drink or two, but then you can’t handle if they drink a lot? You sound very judgmental of what/how much they drink.

Um, she’s an alcoholic. It’s probably triggering when people get sloppy drunk at dinner, which is different than just a glass of wine at dinner. Both may be triggering, but one less so.

OP’s not the one who sounds judgmental here.

[Anonymous]

Good job OP.

Alcoholism is a life threatening disease.

Do whatever it takes to stick to your sobriety plan.

I think it is okay to have DH tell them we no longer have alcohol in the house. If they don't want to come then so be it.

It is not recommended to be around drinkers early in sobriety.

Put your sobriety first and do whatever it takes to maintain your sobriety.

[Anonymous]

I go to many functions that don't serve alcohol. It is okay not to offer or serve alcohol.

Agree with you--do not mention BYOB.

Your guests can get smashed after they leave your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

What do you mean, you “can handle” witnessing someone have a drink or two, but then you can’t handle if they drink a lot? You sound very judgmental of what/how much they drink.

Um, she’s an alcoholic. It’s probably triggering when people get sloppy drunk at dinner, which is different than just a glass of wine at dinner. Both may be triggering, but one less so.

OP’s not the one who sounds judgmental here.

Why would it be “triggering” to see someone get sloppy drunk? Who would want to join in that. I genuinely don’t get why watching someone drink two glasses of wine is fine but three is “triggering.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I go to many functions that don't serve alcohol. It is okay not to offer or serve alcohol.

Agree with you--do not mention BYOB.

Your guests can get smashed after they leave your house.

I love the nuance and subtlety of your thinking. Guests who enjoy alcoholic beverages are just waiting to GET SMASHED the second they leave a dry gathering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

What do you mean, you “can handle” witnessing someone have a drink or two, but then you can’t handle if they drink a lot? You sound very judgmental of what/how much they drink.

Um, she’s an alcoholic. It’s probably triggering when people get sloppy drunk at dinner, which is different than just a glass of wine at dinner. Both may be triggering, but one less so.

OP’s not the one who sounds judgmental here.

Why would it be “triggering” to see someone get sloppy drunk? Who would want to join in that. I genuinely don’t get why watching someone drink two glasses of wine is fine but three is “triggering.”

Those who are new to recovery are advised not to put themselves in situations that involve alcohol and drinking. Alcoholism is a life threatening disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

What do you mean, you “can handle” witnessing someone have a drink or two, but then you can’t handle if they drink a lot? You sound very judgmental of what/how much they drink.

Um, she’s an alcoholic. It’s probably triggering when people get sloppy drunk at dinner, which is different than just a glass of wine at dinner. Both may be triggering, but one less so.

OP’s not the one who sounds judgmental here.

Why would it be “triggering” to see someone get sloppy drunk? Who would want to join in that. I genuinely don’t get why watching someone drink two glasses of wine is fine but three is “triggering.”

Wtf. You obviously have no experience with alcoholism. Just leave the OP alone and deal with your own issues.

[Anonymous]

OP, under the circumstances, I do not think it is wise for you to host a dinner party right now.

These aren't just friends, they are your in-laws. They don't just drink socially, they are heavy drinkers.

I gave up alcohol a few years ago and have had social drinkers over with no problem. We open a bottle of wine for them, but I just don't drink any. But I am assuming your in laws will drink a lot more than that and it sounds like you don't expect them to be supportive of you not drinking. I would cancel this party and get together a different time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

It's not a friggin' "dinner party" if it's your relatives, for Pete's sake. Why do DCUM posters insist on doing this -- not telling the whole story in their original post and then dripping out the details?

If you're not comfortable telling your in laws -- your family -- that you're in recovery and don't want them drinking at your house then don't have them over for dinner. Plain and simple. One thing you can't do is tell them they can't drink without any explanation.

[Anonymous]

Some of you holier-than-thou teetotalers are ridiculous! Of course nobody *needs* to have alcohol at a dinner party, but we aren’t all alcoholics who are dying to get smashed. I’m actually a very light drinker these days and a nice dinner with friends or special occasion to be one of the few times when I *would* love to have a glass of wine. It absolutely enhances the experience of a nice meal in a way that a Coke or hot apple cider (lol) doesn’t! Of course if the host were in recovery or otherwise didn’t drink, I would not expect alcohol to be served. Our Mormon friends are always very clear that they don’t want any alcohol to be brought to their house at all, which is very helpful when they host a large
group of acquaintances.

In OP’s case, I agree that she should not host. Having heavy drinkers over when newly in recovery is a recipe for relapse. GL OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments!

OP here. Yes, the reason for quitting is alcoholism. The people coming over are my in-laws, so not like friends who I can distance myself from. DH is supportive of me and doesn’t drink when I’m around. His family are heavy drinkers. If someone had one or two drinks, I can handle that, but not when they drink a 6 pack of beer by themselves or bring a bottle of whiskey in their bag to mix with Coke. I’m not comfortable telling them that I’m recovering. They’re kind of judgmental.

It's not a friggin' "dinner party" if it's your relatives, for Pete's sake. Why do DCUM posters insist on doing this -- not telling the whole story in their original post and then dripping out the details?

If you're not comfortable telling your in laws -- your family -- that you're in recovery and don't want them drinking at your house then don't have them over for dinner. Plain and simple. One thing you can't do is tell them they can't drink without any explanation.

I agree. Family is not a "dinner party" and it changes everything. I think just cancel it until you feel okay with hosting since you dont want to tell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I rarely serve alcohol at the parties I throw.

So what? I don't serve meat at mine. Just about as relevant. Thanks for stopping by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.

I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?

Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.

Ha! All my Muslim friends drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my guests know in advance in the confirmation email. Usually attributing to “not serving alcohol with our teens present.”

I also have plenty of beverages and a hot spiced apple cider usually works well as an option too. Folks appreciate knowing in advance.

This is super weird. You should model responsible drinking for your children.