Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let them know! I won’t be serving alcohol this year as I have stopped drinking. I will have a lot of delicious options!

I find it so strange that some adults can’t socialize without alcohol. If that’s you, you need to ask yourself what’s going on.

“I will have a lot of delicious options”. Well, when you put it like that…
I love delicious options!

What does this mean? Delicious options?? I only drink water, coffee, wine. Delicious options really just sounds like a calorie bomb and I can’t imagine people would rather have that than wine.

Agreed. For people who like to drink alcohol there is no "delicious" alcohol free option that is an acceptable substitute.

[Anonymous]

OP, would you be triggered by having alcohol there? If not, I'd serve it just to be polite.

[Anonymous]

I rarely drink so I wouldn't find it rude.

If I were you, I'd simply send a message saying you've decided to stop drinking for personal reasons but people should feel comfortable bringing their favorite drinks. And during the party make clear that people should take any remaining drinks home with them.

Leave it at that. Good friends will understand.

[Anonymous]

It's pathetic how much so many of you rely on alcohol to have a good time. I wouldn't care, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pathetic how much so many of you rely on alcohol to have a good time. I wouldn't care, OP.

We drink because of lame mean people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had to quit drinking. If I host a dinner party and serve a great spread (like I usually do) with a variety of non-alcoholic beverages, do you think guests will be put off or think I’m cheap or a bad host? The guests are heavy drinkers (drinking during daytime kid birthday parties, sneaking drinks at public parks, etc). When I’ve hosted in the past, I’ve always served alcohol, but can’t do that anymore. I never told them I quit.

If they brought their own, which some of them probably will, they can drink it and take it home. I don’t want to tell people to BYOB though. That sounds cheap to me.

No alcohol? I'm not much of a drinker, but why are you imposing this on others? BYOB is cheap as hell, but not providing any alcohol at all is ....

[Anonymous]

My brother has been sober for 13 years. He’s fine with us drinking around him, but we absolutely do not expect him to buy or serve. We do BYOB and take it home with us when we leave. Nothing crazy, just wine, beer, seltzers, no liquor.

At no point should a sober person feel obligated to buy or serve alcohol.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a real eye opener. It never occurred to me that so many people feel imposed upon and deprived eating a single dinner without alcohol.

DH and I have plenty of beer, wine, and liquor in our home and guests are always welcome to it. The wine is opened routinely without even asking guests. We both usually accept at least one drink when offered at someone's home. But we really couldn't care less if someone serves alcohol or not at their house and we have enjoyed many excellent meals with excellent company without alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a real eye opener. It never occurred to me that so many people feel imposed upon and deprived eating a single dinner without alcohol.

DH and I have plenty of beer, wine, and liquor in our home and guests are always welcome to it. The wine is opened routinely without even asking guests. We both usually accept at least one drink when offered at someone's home. But we really couldn't care less if someone serves alcohol or not at their house and we have enjoyed many excellent meals with excellent company without alcohol.

Is that really your takeaway? I was one of those who said I would be surprised and a little disappointed because I consider a dinner party with friends or family to be a special occasion at which alcohol would be served. I don't drink much anymore at all, but enjoy a glass with a special meal or at a party. Especially if it was hosted by someone who previously hosted and served alcohol.

It's NOT a big deal not to drink, but guests should get a heads up that the meal will be dry this time.

[Anonymous]

I'm a pretty heavy drinker, but would not care at all if there was no alcohol at a party I went to. I'm going there to see friends and socialize, not get drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had to quit drinking. If I host a dinner party and serve a great spread (like I usually do) with a variety of non-alcoholic beverages, do you think guests will be put off or think I’m cheap or a bad host? The guests are heavy drinkers (drinking during daytime kid birthday parties, sneaking drinks at public parks, etc). When I’ve hosted in the past, I’ve always served alcohol, but can’t do that anymore. I never told them I quit.

If they brought their own, which some of them probably will, they can drink it and take it home. I don’t want to tell people to BYOB though. That sounds cheap to me.

Please explain drinking in a public park. Do you mean like while children play for 30 to 60 min? Because I can't think of a time I'd do this. Maybe on a Saturday morning with a spiked coffee? Maybe. But I nor my husband have ever done such a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently had to quit drinking. If I host a dinner party and serve a great spread (like I usually do) with a variety of non-alcoholic beverages, do you think guests will be put off or think I’m cheap or a bad host? The guests are heavy drinkers (drinking during daytime kid birthday parties, sneaking drinks at public parks, etc). When I’ve hosted in the past, I’ve always served alcohol, but can’t do that anymore. I never told them I quit.

If they brought their own, which some of them probably will, they can drink it and take it home. I don’t want to tell people to BYOB though. That sounds cheap to me.

Please explain drinking in a public park. Do you mean like while children play for 30 to 60 min? Because I can't think of a time I'd do this. Maybe on a Saturday morning with a spiked coffee? Maybe. But I nor my husband have ever done such a thing.

Like reserving a pavilion at a public park that does not allow alcohol so they say on invitation, cozies will be provided to cover the beer can.

[Anonymous]

I am a teetotaler who enables DH, an extremely high-functioning borderline alcoholic. During the periods when he is trying to cut back I never bring anything in the house or even ask but at other times I try to make sure there is wine available so that he does not resort to gin and the harder stuff. I was raised in a family of non-drinkers but ILs all drink very heavily. I feel certain that DH is aware of the health repercussions but values his quality of life more. Drinking calms him and makes him happy just like watching ridiculous YouTube videos and eating Cheetos calms me down. Why must we judge each other instead of just trying to help?

OP, provide alcohol but then "become unwell" after the main course is served and retire to your room. Make sure it is stocked with non-alcoholic treats you can relax and enjoy. Reassure your DH and the guests by phone that you are fine and then make sure someone else hosts the party next year.

This is hard. I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a teetotaler who enables DH, an extremely high-functioning borderline alcoholic. During the periods when he is trying to cut back I never bring anything in the house or even ask but at other times I try to make sure there is wine available so that he does not resort to gin and the harder stuff. I was raised in a family of non-drinkers but ILs all drink very heavily. I feel certain that DH is aware of the health repercussions but values his quality of life more. Drinking calms him and makes him happy just like watching ridiculous YouTube videos and eating Cheetos calms me down. Why must we judge each other instead of just trying to help?

OP, provide alcohol but then "become unwell" after the main course is served and retire to your room. Make sure it is stocked with non-alcoholic treats you can relax and enjoy. Reassure your DH and the guests by phone that you are fine and then make sure someone else hosts the party next year.

This is hard. I wish you all the best.

Enabling is not good. You should not be proud of this. Your advice is suspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to be surprised by this at a dinner party. Tell them in advance so they know to byob (if you are truly ok with that).

Really - you can't last a few hours at a gathering with friends, without alcohol? You may need to examine that.