Help me with techniques for addressing my MIL’s behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Wow!
You sound. Very sensitive to minor irritants.

. oP sounds normal to me …

Yeah plus she is nursing - Give her a freaking break …

I no was a nursing mother once too, did not make me be mean to other people.

She wasn’t being mean - she was anonymously expressing frustration … I would be frustrated in her shoes as well. Loved the post of the person who plies her critical in laws with food and drink and plops them by the fire … while
Cheerily nodding and ignoring the passive aggressive jabs …

DP. But it's not just anonymous frustration, because her husband has said some very strongly worded opinions on her behavior. If OP had not talked about what her husband said, I would agree with you. But it is clear from the fact her husband has talked about it that OP is in fact being mean.

How many men do you know that would say something like what OP reported to their nursing wife? It would only happen if the wife's behavior was egregious. For her DH to get to the point of saying something, her behavior must be pretty awful.

To be honest, her husband sounds like a dick.

He has no patience to deal with his own mother’s annoying habits but wants his wife to do it with a smile? Oh, and while she’s nursing and getting no sleep too. He’s either being willfully clueless or he’s completely apathetic about adding even more on his wife’s already full plate.

You are really, really stretching here to get to her DH sounds like a dick.

My guess is that her DH is pretty worried about what he is learning about his wife.

When in doubt about who is to blame, lay all shame and blame on the nursing exhausted mother …

Sad but true … defenders of “family values” so quick to assassinate the characters of mothers …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the posters who are saying OP is uptight and awful - would you really not be upset if your MIL hung a wet child's painting on the wall and it dripped paint down your wall.

I mean this is really over the top, to let wet paint drip down walls. People here get upset over someone not cleaning up after they have cooked but for some reason this OP is being told to tune out the wet paint dripping down her walls and the glitter all over her floors and carpet.

Come on, this would be too much for most posters on here. To add if you have a newborn you are breastfeeding and now you have wet paint on your walls. Really are posters trying to make OP sound difficult for being frustrated with this.

Actually most posters "defending" the MIL acknowledged that this one thing was unacceptable and worth addressing.

[Anonymous]

To add: its so irrational to tell OP to that she is deranged over wet paint dripping down her walls and glitter all over her floor and carpet that it is actually amusing.

Its actually funny. OP I hope you see how deranged DCUM is. Just look through the other thread where the DIL is a slob and horrible for simply leaving her purse and phone on the kitchen counter at her MIL's house and here you are being told to chill out over wet paint dripping down your walls and having to clean up glitter. You couldn't make it up.

OP go find a site for DIL's to discuss these issues, you will get proper advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the posters who are saying OP is uptight and awful - would you really not be upset if your MIL hung a wet child's painting on the wall and it dripped paint down your wall.

I mean this is really over the top, to let wet paint drip down walls. People here get upset over someone not cleaning up after they have cooked but for some reason this OP is being told to tune out the wet paint dripping down her walls and the glitter all over her floors and carpet.

Come on, this would be too much for most posters on here. To add if you have a newborn you are breastfeeding and now you have wet paint on your walls. Really are posters trying to make OP sound difficult for being frustrated with this.

Actually most posters "defending" the MIL acknowledged that this one thing was unacceptable and worth addressing.

I did not read that and I did not read their factoring in new info about outrageous food demands and being generally a total PITA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

OP, nobody should be attacking you. I was one of the first to respond saying my MIL is similar- but I said that it was not mean-spirited or manipulative. Your original post was very long and very detailed and you left out all of what you now describe- in pretty exaggerated terms. And the difference is that now, rather than describe her behaviors factually, you ascribe all sorts of terrible intent that you cannot know. Basically, you are "assassinating" your MIL's character.

I get that you need to defend yourself, but I think that rather than being open to what the vast majority of posters (and your DH) said, you are further entrenching yourself in your perceived victimhood.

(And also, your reference to "ethnic background" and your kids looking nothing like her is...suspect.)

+1 to all of this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the posters who are saying OP is uptight and awful - would you really not be upset if your MIL hung a wet child's painting on the wall and it dripped paint down your wall.

I mean this is really over the top, to let wet paint drip down walls. People here get upset over someone not cleaning up after they have cooked but for some reason this OP is being told to tune out the wet paint dripping down her walls and the glitter all over her floors and carpet.

Come on, this would be too much for most posters on here. To add if you have a newborn you are breastfeeding and now you have wet paint on your walls. Really are posters trying to make OP sound difficult for being frustrated with this.

Actually most posters "defending" the MIL acknowledged that this one thing was unacceptable and worth addressing.

I did not read that and I did not read their factoring in new info about outrageous food demands and being generally a total PITA.

I am the one that wrote the PP and its not me writing that I did not read that. What I read on page 8 was OP being called deranged, OP being called negative, OP being told its her and not her MIL, OP being told its just a little minor mental health condition on the part of the MIL and she should put up with it. This is after all the updates, the original information should have been enough for people to understand where OP was coming from. She didn't even need an update.

This would be too much for anyone however for some reason even on page 8 OP is still being called deranged and negative. People are entitled to their opinion but this is why OP you don't come to DCUM for advice. Not for this topic of conversation anyone, you'll be better off finding somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP should find a website where despite referring to her MIL as "ethnic" in a pretty sketchy and derogatory way, all she will get is "you go girl! You are totally right!" responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the posters who are saying OP is uptight and awful - would you really not be upset if your MIL hung a wet child's painting on the wall and it dripped paint down your wall.

I mean this is really over the top, to let wet paint drip down walls. People here get upset over someone not cleaning up after they have cooked but for some reason this OP is being told to tune out the wet paint dripping down her walls and the glitter all over her floors and carpet.

Come on, this would be too much for most posters on here. To add if you have a newborn you are breastfeeding and now you have wet paint on your walls. Really are posters trying to make OP sound difficult for being frustrated with this.

That and everything else I would have hit the roof about… let alone while nursing … My husband would have been more cross then me … It is insane how a couple of people are Demonizing OP for totally normal reactions …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP should find a website where despite referring to her MIL as "ethnic" in a pretty sketchy and derogatory way, all she will get is "you go girl! You are totally right!" responses.

More like don’t let the horrible posters demonizing you for normal responses while yiu are exhausted and nursing … if yiu were really team MIL and not Team #IAmAlwaysRight then you would try and help her to find ways to deal with MIL. In stead you post mean spirited, nasty character assassinations …

You are not right. You are nasty.

[Anonymous]

I think it's the same nasty PP slamming OP in all the posts, at most it's 2 posters. Bugs me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the same nasty PP slamming OP in all the posts, at most it's 2 posters. Bugs me.

No, because I think OP is bonkers and I haven't posted. She sounds like a complete jerk. Her # 1 complaint is that the MIL likes to tell the same stories. Yeah? So what? A lot of people do.

Then when the baby starts to fuss the MIL makes a statement that the baby may need to nurse. And OP thinks this is "passive aggressive." Passive aggressive? OP pull your head out of your rectum. Suggesting that a baby may be needing to nurse because the baby is fussing is not passive aggressive, it is common sense.

Anyway, I would much rather spend time with the MIL than with OP. The MIL sounds like she's playing with a full deck. OP sounds like she's short a few cards and nasty about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP should find a website where despite referring to her MIL as "ethnic" in a pretty sketchy and derogatory way, all she will get is "you go girl! You are totally right!" responses.

+1

[Anonymous]

Something has gone off the rails on this thread.

For the first several pages, most posters were compassionately given the perspective that this behavior is not that unusual or bad- though admittedly irritating— and giving helpful advice.

Then somehow it devolved into throwing insults about whether OP or the MIL is the “deranged” one. Why does it have to be that extreme and binary? Can it be true that MIL has annoying behaviors AND OP should try some techniques to deal with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP should find a website where despite referring to her MIL as "ethnic" in a pretty sketchy and derogatory way, all she will get is "you go girl! You are totally right!" responses.

More like don’t let the horrible posters demonizing you for normal responses while yiu are exhausted and nursing … if yiu were really team MIL and not Team #IAmAlwaysRight then you would try and help her to find ways to deal with MIL. In stead you post mean spirited, nasty character assassinations …

You are not right. You are nasty.

So you are fine with how OP called her MIL "ethnic." Well, I guess that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the same nasty PP slamming OP in all the posts, at most it's 2 posters. Bugs me.

No, because I think OP is bonkers and I haven't posted. She sounds like a complete jerk. Her # 1 complaint is that the MIL likes to tell the same stories. Yeah? So what? A lot of people do.

Then when the baby starts to fuss the MIL makes a statement that the baby may need to nurse. And OP thinks this is "passive aggressive." Passive aggressive? OP pull your head out of your rectum. Suggesting that a baby may be needing to nurse because the baby is fussing is not passive aggressive, it is common sense.

Anyway, I would much rather spend time with the MIL than with OP. The MIL sounds like she's playing with a full deck. OP sounds like she's short a few cards and nasty about it.

+1