Help me with techniques for addressing my MIL’s behavior

[Anonymous]

These are all minimally annoying quirks that you just need to get over.

[Anonymous]

Who is this fool who keeps posting about ‘ a nursing mother’ they must be joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the posters who are saying OP is uptight and awful - would you really not be upset if your MIL hung a wet child's painting on the wall and it dripped paint down your wall.

I mean this is really over the top, to let wet paint drip down walls. People here get upset over someone not cleaning up after they have cooked but for some reason this OP is being told to tune out the wet paint dripping down her walls and the glitter all over her floors and carpet.

Come on, this would be too much for most posters on here. To add if you have a newborn you are breastfeeding and now you have wet paint on your walls. Really are posters trying to make OP sound difficult for being frustrated with this.

I agree! All of it sounds annoying and the only way to cope is to have lots of breaks. The husband really needs to step up and make that happen. OP needs to “go to bed” when the kids go to bed. Breastfeeding should be another respite but they really need to brainstorm other ways for the husband to get out of the house with MIL too. He needs to get over himself and understand that he’s going to make some effort to have a good visit with his mom. Shaming his wife for falling short of perfection isn’t going to cut it.

[Anonymous]

The person that is so nit picky about others behaviors ought to take a good, hard look at her own behavior.
You sound like a bully op.

[Anonymous]

Short of perfection? Lol, that is the irony here, no?
There is op dissecting her mil’s every word, surely such behavior is far from perfect?
Imagine being her mil? By this point she is surely scared to open her mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

Wine?
I thought you said you are breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

Wine?
I thought you said you are breastfeeding.

Judgy boring gotcha game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

Wine?
I thought you said you are breastfeeding.

Go troll somewhere else, people that are breastfeeding are allowed a glass of vino.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

Wine?
I thought you said you are breastfeeding.

Go troll somewhere else, people that are breastfeeding are allowed a glass of vino.

Don't come crying later because your kid grows up to be an underachiever because he was been given alchohol in his milk.

[Anonymous]

OP is basically nasty. I predict that she will be dumped by her DH.

[Anonymous]

OP

1. Ignore all the rambling from MIL. It would be worse if she sat on the couch like a lump and said nothing. Redirect her so she is talking to the children, not you.

2. Ignore what she is saying to you and think about something else and nod your head occasionally.

3. Give her a space to do crafts with the kids and expect that space will be a disaster.

4. Have dh talk to her about her food issue commenting, and let her know you don't want to raise eating disordered children. Have special meals available to only her, or components of your own meals. I have to be gluten and dairy free and it's hard, but doable. Make your own corn tacos, plain vegetables and meats, order out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

Wine?
I thought you said you are breastfeeding.

Go troll somewhere else, people that are breastfeeding are allowed a glass of vino.

Don't come crying later because your kid grows up to be an underachiever because he was been given alchohol in his milk.

Awww… I’m already on the other side. If you’re going to judge outcomes based on breastfeeding, then that “vino” got my kid into Yale! Bottoms up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is basically nasty. I predict that she will be dumped by her DH.

Kettle meet Pot.

You are one nasty, sanctimonious, Misguided person. Really who gives a flying f$ck if you did not drink wine when you breastfed and your kid got into Yale if you use your privileges to run roughshod over others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

Wine?
I thought you said you are breastfeeding.

Go troll somewhere else, people that are breastfeeding are allowed a glass of vino.

Don't come crying later because your kid grows up to be an underachiever because he was been given alchohol in his milk.

Awww… I’m already on the other side. If you’re going to judge outcomes based on breastfeeding, then that “vino” got my kid into Yale! Bottoms up!

Sorry PP i confused you with the deranged person who keeps going after poor OP. Could not care less if nursing moms drink wine (thank heavens our European doctor allowed it ) … congrats on getting your kid into Yale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

Good for you OP. Ignore the hater and do your best.