Help me with techniques for addressing my MIL’s behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds ok. OP sounds deranged.

Very much so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds ok. OP sounds deranged.

You are like a rabied dog at a rotten old bone … give it a rest your nasty piece of work.

OP , is that you??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds ok. OP sounds deranged.

You are like a rabied dog at a rotten old bone … give it a rest your nasty piece of work.

OP , is that you??

Nope definitely not. You are the deranged one - unable to factor in new evidence that would allow you to see a broader sky and lean towards the sun but desperately needing to feel right at all costs, chooses to sit in the dark by yourself at a dud matinee movie …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

I guess you would know character assassination because that’s what you just did you didn’t give any of this bullshit and your original post but now you coming back with all of this horrible backstory nobody believes you.

I believe OP and don’t believe you, the defender of bat sh*t crazy MIL guest behavior. Speak for yourself you nasty piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

I guess you would know character assassination because that’s what you just did you didn’t give any of this bullshit and your original post but now you coming back with all of this horrible backstory nobody believes you.

I believe OP and don’t believe you, the defender of bat sh*t crazy MIL guest behavior. Speak for yourself you nasty piece of work.

Yeah and she/he/they is being such a beatch in the name of being nice to the MIL. If she really cared about OP being nice to the MIL, they/he/she would suggest ways to create peaceful, manageable family interactions. Instead the “Must be right at all costs” poster makes nasty attacks on the character of a nursing exhausted mother.

[Anonymous]

I saw OPs updates and I still am team DH/MIL here. So she has an old lady MIL who has some minor, probably untreated mental health issues. Welcome to real life.

What OP needs to understand is that it's not just her husband who is watching how she treats her MIL, it is also her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

I guess you would know character assassination because that’s what you just did you didn’t give any of this bullshit and your original post but now you coming back with all of this horrible backstory nobody believes you.

I believe OP and don’t believe you, the defender of bat sh*t crazy MIL guest behavior. Speak for yourself you nasty piece of work.

DP. Well you certainly sound like a rational person not at all inclined to histrionic behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

OP, nobody should be attacking you. I was one of the first to respond saying my MIL is similar- but I said that it was not mean-spirited or manipulative. Your original post was very long and very detailed and you left out all of what you now describe- in pretty exaggerated terms. And the difference is that now, rather than describe her behaviors factually, you ascribe all sorts of terrible intent that you cannot know. Basically, you are "assassinating" your MIL's character.

I get that you need to defend yourself, but I think that rather than being open to what the vast majority of posters (and your DH) said, you are further entrenching yourself in your perceived victimhood.

(And also, your reference to "ethnic background" and your kids looking nothing like her is...suspect.)

[Anonymous]

You are a truly negative person op. Let me tell you, it’s not her, it’s you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw OPs updates and I still am team DH/MIL here. So she has an old lady MIL who has some minor, probably untreated mental health issues. Welcome to real life.

What OP needs to understand is that it's not just her husband who is watching how she treats her MIL, it is also her kids.

I was Team MIL in terms of humoring older relative to maintain family connections until seeing the updates. She clearly is not well, making unrealistic expectations, and not sympathetic at all to the needs of either her DIL, son or infant grandchild. It is possible to be Team OP and Team MIL by being supportive of OP finding ways to handle a very demanding and difficult MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds ok. OP sounds deranged.

Very much so.

x1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

OP, nobody should be attacking you. I was one of the first to respond saying my MIL is similar- but I said that it was not mean-spirited or manipulative. Your original post was very long and very detailed and you left out all of what you now describe- in pretty exaggerated terms. And the difference is that now, rather than describe her behaviors factually, you ascribe all sorts of terrible intent that you cannot know. Basically, you are "assassinating" your MIL's character.

I get that you need to defend yourself, but I think that rather than being open to what the vast majority of posters (and your DH) said, you are further entrenching yourself in your perceived victimhood.

(And also, your reference to "ethnic background" and your kids looking nothing like her is...suspect.)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

I guess you would know character assassination because that’s what you just did you didn’t give any of this bullshit and your original post but now you coming back with all of this horrible backstory nobody believes you.

I believe OP and don’t believe you, the defender of bat sh*t crazy MIL guest behavior. Speak for yourself you nasty piece of work.

Yeah and she/he/they is being such a beatch in the name of being nice to the MIL. If she really cared about OP being nice to the MIL, they/he/she would suggest ways to create peaceful, manageable family interactions. Instead the “Must be right at all costs” poster makes nasty attacks on the character of a nursing exhausted mother.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

I guess you would know character assassination because that’s what you just did you didn’t give any of this bullshit and your original post but now you coming back with all of this horrible backstory nobody believes you.

I believe OP and don’t believe you, the defender of bat sh*t crazy MIL guest behavior. Speak for yourself you nasty piece of work.

This

[Anonymous]

For all the posters who are saying OP is uptight and awful - would you really not be upset if your MIL hung a wet child's painting on the wall and it dripped paint down your wall.

I mean this is really over the top, to let wet paint drip down walls. People here get upset over someone not cleaning up after they have cooked but for some reason this OP is being told to tune out the wet paint dripping down her walls and the glitter all over her floors and carpet.

Come on, this would be too much for most posters on here. To add if you have a newborn you are breastfeeding and now you have wet paint on your walls. Really are posters trying to make OP sound difficult for being frustrated with this.