Help me with techniques for addressing my MIL’s behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the same nasty PP slamming OP in all the posts, at most it's 2 posters. Bugs me.

No, because I think OP is bonkers and I haven't posted. She sounds like a complete jerk. Her # 1 complaint is that the MIL likes to tell the same stories. Yeah? So what? A lot of people do.

Then when the baby starts to fuss the MIL makes a statement that the baby may need to nurse. And OP thinks this is "passive aggressive." Passive aggressive? OP pull your head out of your rectum. Suggesting that a baby may be needing to nurse because the baby is fussing is not passive aggressive, it is common sense.

I agree it is the same 1-2 people slamming OP. They are nuts. One of them is particularly nasty, bothers me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's the same nasty PP slamming OP in all the posts, at most it's 2 posters. Bugs me.

No, because I think OP is bonkers and I haven't posted. She sounds like a complete jerk. Her # 1 complaint is that the MIL likes to tell the same stories. Yeah? So what? A lot of people do.

Then when the baby starts to fuss the MIL makes a statement that the baby may need to nurse. And OP thinks this is "passive aggressive." Passive aggressive? OP pull your head out of your rectum. Suggesting that a baby may be needing to nurse because the baby is fussing is not passive aggressive, it is common sense.

I agree it is the same 1-2 people slamming OP. They are nuts. One of them is particularly nasty, bothers me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP should find a website where despite referring to her MIL as "ethnic" in a pretty sketchy and derogatory way, all she will get is "you go girl! You are totally right!" responses.

More like don’t let the horrible posters demonizing you for normal responses while yiu are exhausted and nursing … if yiu were really team MIL and not Team #IAmAlwaysRight then you would try and help her to find ways to deal with MIL. In stead you post mean spirited, nasty character assassinations …

You are not right. You are nasty.

So you are fine with how OP called her MIL "ethnic." Well, I guess that makes sense.

Well guess what? We have several ethnicities in our family and I did not take that as an insult but as code for different values at play.

You would rather be right than actually help anyone.

You lack compassion and empathy.

[Anonymous]

Out of curiosity, are those of you who keep complaining about the "nasty" posters white? And are you okay with how OP referred to her MIL as "ethnic"? Do you think that is fine behavior from OP?

I ask because I am one of the (multiple) posters you claim is nasty, and I was horrified by that remark, and felt like it showed OP in a very negative light. Yes, she is exhausted. No, that doesn't make that sort of commentary remotely okay (to me). But you seem to think it's fine and I would like to understand why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something has gone off the rails on this thread.

For the first several pages, most posters were compassionately given the perspective that this behavior is not that unusual or bad- though admittedly irritating— and giving helpful advice.

Then somehow it devolved into throwing insults about whether OP or the MIL is the “deranged” one. Why does it have to be that extreme and binary? Can it be true that MIL has annoying behaviors AND OP should try some techniques to deal with it?

You have common sense and empathy … well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP should find a website where despite referring to her MIL as "ethnic" in a pretty sketchy and derogatory way, all she will get is "you go girl! You are totally right!" responses.

More like don’t let the horrible posters demonizing you for normal responses while yiu are exhausted and nursing … if yiu were really team MIL and not Team #IAmAlwaysRight then you would try and help her to find ways to deal with MIL. In stead you post mean spirited, nasty character assassinations …

You are not right. You are nasty.

So you are fine with how OP called her MIL "ethnic." Well, I guess that makes sense.

Well guess what? We have several ethnicities in our family and I did not take that as an insult but as code for different values at play.

You would rather be right than actually help anyone.

You lack compassion and empathy.

I have a great deal of compassion and empathy for OPs MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP should find a website where despite referring to her MIL as "ethnic" in a pretty sketchy and derogatory way, all she will get is "you go girl! You are totally right!" responses.

More like don’t let the horrible posters demonizing you for normal responses while yiu are exhausted and nursing … if yiu were really team MIL and not Team #IAmAlwaysRight then you would try and help her to find ways to deal with MIL. In stead you post mean spirited, nasty character assassinations …

You are not right. You are nasty.

So you are fine with how OP called her MIL "ethnic." Well, I guess that makes sense.

Well guess what? We have several ethnicities in our family and I did not take that as an insult but as code for different values at play.

You would rather be right than actually help anyone.

You lack compassion and empathy.

I’m not trying to get into this ridiculous fight (and mentioned earlier how off track this has gotten), but I can’t help but ask how you can interpret reference to “ethnic” in the context of how her children do NOT look, as being about values?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, are those of you who keep complaining about the "nasty" posters white? And are you okay with how OP referred to her MIL as "ethnic"? Do you think that is fine behavior from OP?

I ask because I am one of the (multiple) posters you claim is nasty, and I was horrified by that remark, and felt like it showed OP in a very negative light. Yes, she is exhausted. No, that doesn't make that sort of commentary remotely okay (to me). But you seem to think it's fine and I would like to understand why.

Slick petition to PC righteousness …

I for one come from Multi racial international family full of ethnicities.

The heartless slamming of OP, is just cruel and unnecessary. If the Team MIL people claiming to defend family values really cared, they would stop their character assassinations of an exhausted nursing mother facing insane guest demands is beyond the pale …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, are those of you who keep complaining about the "nasty" posters white? And are you okay with how OP referred to her MIL as "ethnic"? Do you think that is fine behavior from OP?

I ask because I am one of the (multiple) posters you claim is nasty, and I was horrified by that remark, and felt like it showed OP in a very negative light. Yes, she is exhausted. No, that doesn't make that sort of commentary remotely okay (to me). But you seem to think it's fine and I would like to understand why.

Slick petition to PC righteousness …

I for one come from Multi racial international family full of ethnicities.

The heartless slamming of OP, is just cruel and unnecessary. If the Team MIL people claiming to defend family values really cared, they would stop their character assassinations of an exhausted nursing mother facing insane guest demands is beyond the pale …

Wow. You've demonstrated my point a lot better than I could have done. I see why you identify so strongly with OP, I guess. Horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP should find a website where despite referring to her MIL as "ethnic" in a pretty sketchy and derogatory way, all she will get is "you go girl! You are totally right!" responses.

More like don’t let the horrible posters demonizing you for normal responses while yiu are exhausted and nursing … if yiu were really team MIL and not Team #IAmAlwaysRight then you would try and help her to find ways to deal with MIL. In stead you post mean spirited, nasty character assassinations …

You are not right. You are nasty.

So you are fine with how OP called her MIL "ethnic." Well, I guess that makes sense.

Well guess what? We have several ethnicities in our family and I did not take that as an insult but as code for different values at play.

You would rather be right than actually help anyone.

You lack compassion and empathy.

I’m not trying to get into this ridiculous fight (and mentioned earlier how off track this has gotten), but I can’t help but ask how you can interpret reference to “ethnic” in the context of how her children do NOT look, as being about values?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, are those of you who keep complaining about the "nasty" posters white? And are you okay with how OP referred to her MIL as "ethnic"? Do you think that is fine behavior from OP?

I ask because I am one of the (multiple) posters you claim is nasty, and I was horrified by that remark, and felt like it showed OP in a very negative light. Yes, she is exhausted. No, that doesn't make that sort of commentary remotely okay (to me). But you seem to think it's fine and I would like to understand why.

Slick petition to PC righteousness …

I for one come from Multi racial international family full of ethnicities.

The heartless slamming of OP, is just cruel and unnecessary. If the Team MIL people claiming to defend family values really cared, they would stop their character assassinations of an exhausted nursing mother facing insane guest demands is beyond the pale …

Wow. You've demonstrated my point a lot better than I could have done. I see why you identify so strongly with OP, I guess. Horrifying.

Actually one member of Team OP finds that what is horrifying is that the 1-2 people slamming OP claim to be on the side of righteousness, of caring about MIL and treated extended family right, while bashing OP without mercy.

I do not identify with OP in terms of relationship with MIL as I have a great relationship with my MIL and she treats me with respect and appreciation. However, if she did behave in the way OP’s MIl does, I would not have a bar of it.

Also OP’s husband is not supporting his nursing wife.

I remember being exhausted when nursing and every day blurring into another. It is impressive that OP is willing to host. But her guest MIL needs to be respectful of her time and energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, are those of you who keep complaining about the "nasty" posters white? And are you okay with how OP referred to her MIL as "ethnic"? Do you think that is fine behavior from OP?

I ask because I am one of the (multiple) posters you claim is nasty, and I was horrified by that remark, and felt like it showed OP in a very negative light. Yes, she is exhausted. No, that doesn't make that sort of commentary remotely okay (to me). But you seem to think it's fine and I would like to understand why.

I’m ethnic. BFd. Cultural differences and expectations can absolutely come into place.

OPs ethnic MiL has been married and divorced and fired from work multiple times so we know she’s at least progressive ethnic!

Still rude and clueless and selfish nonetheless; that crosses all ethnicities and all time.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

Thanks for coming back with a measured response OP, and for articulating the ethnic comment a bit better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Not sure how this thread went off the rails. I like many of the early suggestions I got. I will be doing lots of errands, playing MIL bingo, and drinking lots of wine this visit. And disengaging. My mistake I think for many years was to try too hard to be the great DIL and then being the one stuck listening to the stories over and over again and the sad laments about dead relatives and hearing about how much the past was great with her family and how sad holidays are now that her family that she grew up with is fractured and fragmented and not close like they once were. And trying to do new outings and make new memories for her by excessively planning things only to have her not appreciate them. I know now she’s rather sit and lament the past and it doesn’t matter who is listening - so I’ll just try to make sure it’s not me.

Apologies for the ethic comment. It was not articulated well, and I was typing fast but it was in poor taste and I’m sorry. For the record, what I meant is that I’m Scandinavian and very fair and she’s Italian and quite dark complected. So it bothers her a lot that my kids are fair like me. They do not have dark hair or olive skin or features like her or my partner. That’s is what I meant by that.

The Language police will make you pay ! 😂

Sounds like a great plan OP ….

Hope you get some down time, and the glitter glue comes off.