Tinder for dead bedrooms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes for about 6 years. Like the PP said, welcome to the party, this is a tale as old as time and there is a multi-billion dollar industry catering to this.

I have never used paid-professionals but I am not against it. I suppose I am attractive enough that I always find an AP the organic way, through work, conferences, etc.

One thing I have come to learn - married women really don't step out just for sex. The married women I have slept with all wanted sex but something much more. All of them (sample size 4) have ended up leaving their husbands (not for me, thankfully). The other women I found willing to sleep with married men are recently divorced women.

Sorry you are going through this.

Do you not feel at all bad for contributing to the breakdown of four marriages? Being an AP is not the same for a man as for a woman in emotion or consequences. As you say, most married women who do this are vulnerable to falling in love with or developing feelings for someone else. Once that has happened, they cannot go back to heir marriages with a big lie/secret and are left high and dry when the male AP decides to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH married me partly for my sex drive, which is really high. Guess what, a few years into marriage after he was constantly name calling and belittling me, critical and castigating, controlling and inflexible, cursed constantly and treated me like the help, including berating me for my insufficiently obsequious and submissive attitude, I could not bear to have him inside me and dreaded his touch just for the pressure it implied. That, and the toddler was all over me, with which he was no help at all. Expected me to solve it with money. So, if your wife used to want to sleep with you and doesn’t anymore look inside yourself and at how you two get along for what needs to change.

So you promptly divorced your a-hole ex husband so your story was NOT a dead bedroom marriage and why are you even posting on this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes for about 6 years. Like the PP said, welcome to the party, this is a tale as old as time and there is a multi-billion dollar industry catering to this.

I have never used paid-professionals but I am not against it. I suppose I am attractive enough that I always find an AP the organic way, through work, conferences, etc.

One thing I have come to learn - married women really don't step out just for sex. The married women I have slept with all wanted sex but something much more. All of them (sample size 4) have ended up leaving their husbands (not for me, thankfully). The other women I found willing to sleep with married men are recently divorced women.

Sorry you are going through this.

So you are a serial cheater. Does your wife know? It sounds like you are someone who takes advantage of women who are in difficult circumstances and needier or more vulnerable than others. That makes you basically a predator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most appealing part of this pitch to your wife will be how you desperately want to have more sex, but anyone will do.

that pitch comes after desperately begging her to talk to a counselor with me and take this issue seriously.she won’t

You can’t talk to someone to get them to be attracted to you, the only way is for you to become attractive to her.
Think about when you were dating, you were this new shiny person who knew all sorts of stuff that she maybe didn’t, you were intriguing to her and she wanted to know more. When you we’re dating she was also a little bit insecure, she needed to keep your attention, that insecurity fires off a willingness to please that I’m sure you’ll agree is now missing.

Right now she knows everything about you and probably what you’re going to say before you even say it, your subtle or not so subtle words and actions regarding feeling lonely and unloved are only making you more repellent to her. You need to withdraw affection completely, if she seeks it out certainly give it to her but stop before you think she’s had enough, if she likes a 30 second hug you do it for 15 and move on to something else, don’t be cruel and don’t be mean just be a little bit more businesslike. At the same time you’re going to find some cool stuff to get into that has nothing to do with your wife or family, take a class, buy a mountain bike, get yourself a kayak – whatever. You say your weight is in check but start changing your diet, start working out really really hard; you will be building muscle but at the same time you will be burning off all of that hurt that you’re feeling and it will convert into something positive.
It might take a while but she’s going to notice what’s going on here, you can’t ask her to acknowledge your changes and when she does comment on them just shrug it off without searching for reassurance or compliments.
After a while you will stop thinking the way you are and her withdrawal from you will be less upsetting, once these things start to fall into place your wife may find her way back to wanting you.
But maybe she won’t, either way you are making yourself better and happier for the next chapter if there needs to be one.

As a married woman, this crap would just make me lose interest even more. I'd start getting my finances in order.

Same. My husband is pulling this crap and it's made me just completely shutdown in the bedroom.

So you either give him a hall pass, or divorce your a-hole husband. What you DON'T do is stay sexlessly married to an a-hole while expecting him to remain celibate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH married me partly for my sex drive, which is really high. Guess what, a few years into marriage after he was constantly name calling and belittling me, critical and castigating, controlling and inflexible, cursed constantly and treated me like the help, including berating me for my insufficiently obsequious and submissive attitude, I could not bear to have him inside me and dreaded his touch just for the pressure it implied. That, and the toddler was all over me, with which he was no help at all. Expected me to solve it with money. So, if your wife used to want to sleep with you and doesn’t anymore look inside yourself and at how you two get along for what needs to change.

So you promptly divorced your a-hole ex husband so your story was NOT a dead bedroom marriage and why are you even posting on this thread?

What do you know about it? I stayed married for 7 years and sex was dead -- as in zero PIV, not even low frequency -- for the last four.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH married me partly for my sex drive, which is really high. Guess what, a few years into marriage after he was constantly name calling and belittling me, critical and castigating, controlling and inflexible, cursed constantly and treated me like the help, including berating me for my insufficiently obsequious and submissive attitude, I could not bear to have him inside me and dreaded his touch just for the pressure it implied. That, and the toddler was all over me, with which he was no help at all. Expected me to solve it with money. So, if your wife used to want to sleep with you and doesn’t anymore look inside yourself and at how you two get along for what needs to change.

So you promptly divorced your a-hole ex husband so your story was NOT a dead bedroom marriage and why are you even posting on this thread?

What do you know about it? I stayed married for 7 years and sex was dead -- as in zero PIV, not even low frequency -- for the last four.

I know that any woman who stays sexlessly married to an asshole is a fool, and an even bigger fool if she thinks he is faithful.I
In life, we all make our own choices: just please don't complain about yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes for about 6 years. Like the PP said, welcome to the party, this is a tale as old as time and there is a multi-billion dollar industry catering to this.

I have never used paid-professionals but I am not against it. I suppose I am attractive enough that I always find an AP the organic way, through work, conferences, etc.

One thing I have come to learn - married women really don't step out just for sex. The married women I have slept with all wanted sex but something much more. All of them (sample size 4) have ended up leaving their husbands (not for me, thankfully). The other women I found willing to sleep with married men are recently divorced women.

Sorry you are going through this.

Do you not feel at all bad for contributing to the breakdown of four marriages? Being an AP is not the same for a man as for a woman in emotion or consequences. As you say, most married women who do this are vulnerable to falling in love with or developing feelings for someone else. Once that has happened, they cannot go back to heir marriages with a big lie/secret and are left high and dry when the male AP decides to move on.

Interesting, I never thought of it that way since all four situations the women were the ones who made their interest in me known first. I wasn't the aggressor and I never, ever made a promise of love or forever. I just assumed they all were headed towards divorce anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes for about 6 years. Like the PP said, welcome to the party, this is a tale as old as time and there is a multi-billion dollar industry catering to this.

I have never used paid-professionals but I am not against it. I suppose I am attractive enough that I always find an AP the organic way, through work, conferences, etc.

One thing I have come to learn - married women really don't step out just for sex. The married women I have slept with all wanted sex but something much more. All of them (sample size 4) have ended up leaving their husbands (not for me, thankfully). The other women I found willing to sleep with married men are recently divorced women.

Sorry you are going through this.

Do you not feel at all bad for contributing to the breakdown of four marriages? Being an AP is not the same for a man as for a woman in emotion or consequences. As you say, most married women who do this are vulnerable to falling in love with or developing feelings for someone else. Once that has happened, they cannot go back to heir marriages with a big lie/secret and are left high and dry when the male AP decides to move on.

Interesting, I never thought of it that way since all four situations the women were the ones who made their interest in me known first. I wasn't the aggressor and I never, ever made a promise of love or forever. I just assumed they all were headed towards divorce anyway.

The married women are ofren the aggressors. They put themselves on Ashley Madison or throw themselves at men. Then they want to cry victim ? They are married. They often started it claiming they only wanted wax. Now they are crying they are ruined and can’t go back to their marriages, left “high and dry”?!!?! Cry me a frickin river, honey.

[Anonymous]

Sex not wax

[Anonymous]

I am the wife in this situation. I used to be attracted to DH, like 2x per day. Ever since we had children, I am just not into it. We have been having not great sex for the past decade.

I feel resentful for so many reasons. We have lost that emotional connection. I go from being slightly annoyed to repulsed. I never ever feel in love. The only times we have sex is when I’m half asleep so I’m too sleepy to object. I often feel like I’m on a bad date except we have 3 children together.

Most people will probably think DH is a great husband and father. There were a lot of guys I went on a date with who May seemed perfectly fine but there was no connection. When you are dating, you can part ways after a month or a year if you are not feeling it. One day, you get married and have a few kids and you are stuck with one another forever.

There are many moments I feel happy because of my children. I enjoy watching my kids play with their dad or when we laugh together and hang out. This does not translate into physical attraction to my husband.

DH comes from a divorced family and wants to stay married. I want to stay married for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the wife in this situation. I used to be attracted to DH, like 2x per day. Ever since we had children, I am just not into it. We have been having not great sex for the past decade.

I feel resentful for so many reasons. We have lost that emotional connection. I go from being slightly annoyed to repulsed. I never ever feel in love. The only times we have sex is when I’m half asleep so I’m too sleepy to object. I often feel like I’m on a bad date except we have 3 children together.

Most people will probably think DH is a great husband and father. There were a lot of guys I went on a date with who May seemed perfectly fine but there was no connection. When you are dating, you can part ways after a month or a year if you are not feeling it. One day, you get married and have a few kids and you are stuck with one another forever.

There are many moments I feel happy because of my children. I enjoy watching my kids play with their dad or when we laugh together and hang out. This does not translate into physical attraction to my husband.

DH comes from a divorced family and wants to stay married. I want to stay married for the kids.

OMG this is the saddest post ever. Have you considered counseling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the wife in this situation. I used to be attracted to DH, like 2x per day. Ever since we had children, I am just not into it. We have been having not great sex for the past decade.

I feel resentful for so many reasons. We have lost that emotional connection. I go from being slightly annoyed to repulsed. I never ever feel in love. The only times we have sex is when I’m half asleep so I’m too sleepy to object. I often feel like I’m on a bad date except we have 3 children together.

Most people will probably think DH is a great husband and father. There were a lot of guys I went on a date with who May seemed perfectly fine but there was no connection. When you are dating, you can part ways after a month or a year if you are not feeling it. One day, you get married and have a few kids and you are stuck with one another forever.

There are many moments I feel happy because of my children. I enjoy watching my kids play with their dad or when we laugh together and hang out. This does not translate into physical attraction to my husband.

DH comes from a divorced family and wants to stay married. I want to stay married for the kids.

OMG this is the saddest post ever. Have you considered counseling?

Why is it sad? Aren’t many people on here in sexless marriages?

We still have bad sex a few times a month. We have an intact family and our children are thriving.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is not attracted to her husband. They have gone to individual and couples therapy. She is trying. She still has no desire to sleep with him. No amount of talking to a counselor or to one another is going to make you want to have sex with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the wife in this situation. I used to be attracted to DH, like 2x per day. Ever since we had children, I am just not into it. We have been having not great sex for the past decade.

I feel resentful for so many reasons. We have lost that emotional connection. I go from being slightly annoyed to repulsed. I never ever feel in love. The only times we have sex is when I’m half asleep so I’m too sleepy to object. I often feel like I’m on a bad date except we have 3 children together.

Most people will probably think DH is a great husband and father. There were a lot of guys I went on a date with who May seemed perfectly fine but there was no connection. When you are dating, you can part ways after a month or a year if you are not feeling it. One day, you get married and have a few kids and you are stuck with one another forever.

There are many moments I feel happy because of my children. I enjoy watching my kids play with their dad or when we laugh together and hang out. This does not translate into physical attraction to my husband.

DH comes from a divorced family and wants to stay married. I want to stay married for the kids.

Yet another sexless wife who resents her husband yet chooses to stay married.
It will make both of your lives easier to officially give him the hall pass so he no longer needs to sneak around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is not attracted to her husband. They have gone to individual and couples therapy. She is trying. She still has no desire to sleep with him. No amount of talking to a counselor or to one another is going to make you want to have sex with someone.

And yet another!
Tell her either grant him a hall pass or keep looking the other way.