Tinder for dead bedrooms

[Anonymous]

She can’t fault you from finding sexual solace somewhere else.
How is she treating you otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can’t fault you from finding sexual solace somewhere else.
How is she treating you otherwise?

sometimes very sweet and loving, sometimes nightmarishly awful. It’s those times when she really rips into me that make me question our relationship because they are very emotionally intense and upsetting. I love her ( I really do) but i can’t emotionally handle any more outbursts like those. It’s just too damn draining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low-libido people, we, your high-libido spouses, still love you. However, you have got to get it through your heads that condemning us to years of celibacy is not an acceptable solution to your problems with us. Perhaps, like my DH, you simply are not interested in having sex often, even if someone else is doing the bulk of the grunt work at home. If I chose to deal with the years of sexual deprivation by gambling or shopping us deeply into debt, no one would agree that this was a valid means of dealing with my frustration. Coerced sexlessness breaks down the partner and thus the family just as uncontrolled spending destroys the financial stability of the family.

Women who do not want sex need to do what our mothers and grandmothers were wise enough to do: put out or sign that hall pass without a mumble. No woman or man is worth decades without physical affection. People today think this is a reasonable sacrifice because they do much in the workplace and earn more money and have a higher standard of living generally. But y'all are all the way wrong.

I like sex, but if you only notice me in bed and are not intimate outside the bedroom, that’s a problem. The result is I lay there and treat you like treat me in the daylight - I’m just your warm, wet hole. I cannot muscle any enthusiasm for you. Take what I’m offering and shut up. Leave if you wish.

Every time I tried to kiss her I get a speech on why I did it wrong. If I try touching her shoulder I'm told I'm bugging her. If I try snuggling her in bed I get an elbow to the forehead and later get yelled at for rapist style behavior. The last incident was last month which is why I feel so desperate. What the hell am I supposed to do? It's clear she is repulsed by me but won't say it. At this point it seems so bad I don't know what I could do to even fix it. I feel embarrassed to be in my underwear around her, assuming she is so disgusted with any aspect of me and my sexuality. Whenever I get home she expects a symbolic touch or cheek kiss, but at this point I'm uncomfortable about even doing that, it's so forced and make me anxious. She then gets upset and demands I give her a kiss to prove my love. If I do it she then walks away. The thing is I'm not mad at her. I don't hate her, I love her, but I so wish she would tell me what's going on. And she's really finished with me, let me go.

It sounds to me like she is going through a lot of stress and has anxiety about unrelated things, and that it is coming out at you, OP, because she is overwhelmed and this (meaning sex, your needs, the relationship) feels like another thing she can’t deal with. It is very hard to do but you need to give her space and not personalize this. It is maybe nothing to do with you but a symptom of the fact that she has tiny kids and there was just a pandemic. Give yourself and her a break in short. The more you say about this, the more I feel that your putting urgency and emergency on top of this is just like lighting a grenade. Having kids is a huge stress on women and sometimes the first two years or so might be off, especially if you have more than one kid and little support.

I don’t think she sounds stressed. She sounds angry.
You are doing something to her, OP. You are somehow keeping her from doing something that’s very important to her. I don’t know if you are keeping her from caring for an elderly parent or making it difficult for her to have a career or be a SAHM or if there was a disagreement on the number of kids to have. But there is something, and you probably know what it is.

I don’t and she won’t tell me. I never say no to her. We spend the holidays with her family. We lived on my salary while she went through grad school. We see her friends not mine. Im still the primary bread winner. Whatever she wants I support her. If she hates me than she needs to be honest and come clean because it’s killing my self esteem.

This is so irritating. How can you have no idea why someone you live with is angry with you? I’m not saying that you have to agree with her, but how can you have so little insight that you can’t even guess?
You said that sometimes she gets angry and lashes out. What is she saying whenever she is angry? I’m not Freud, but my guess would be that whatever she is yelling about is what she’s angry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can’t fault you from finding sexual solace somewhere else.
How is she treating you otherwise?

sometimes very sweet and loving, sometimes nightmarishly awful. It’s those times when she really rips into me that make me question our relationship because they are very emotionally intense and upsetting. I love her ( I really do) but i can’t emotionally handle any more outbursts like those. It’s just too damn draining.

Man up and get a divorce. You both deserve happiness and I feel sorry for your children. Just rip the bandaid off as someone needs to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think has led to this, OP? Have either of you gained weight? Do you go on dates anymore? Do you both contribute to the household? Seems you should fix the root of the problem. Sure, lots of it is that women lose interest in a partner long-term, but most are willing to make an effort if they are still being treated like they are valued and desired.

she might have gained some during COVID but it’s hard to tell. Honestly we are stressed a lot of the time having two kids and working out a equitable division of labor. It takes a lot of work. We have gone on some dates. We had one on Saturday which was very nice. I really thought it would happen that night but nothing happened.

This sounds like the issue to me. She’s stressed and overworked and probably still feels like she is falling behind. She doesn’t feel beautiful or sexy.

Sounds like they are both stressed.

OP is a guy so sex is also stress relief. It just works different for women.

I think if she were to take a month or two off and really relax and reset, then this whole thing would look a lot different. The problem is that when you run on the hamster wheel that feeling that it's never enough and you're never enough is always lurking right around the corner.

BS that sex is a stress relief for guys and not for women.

Do you know a lot of guys that want to run home and have sex with their wives when they get a bad review at work and are threatened with getting fired? Or are on a tight deadline working overnights for a demanding boss?
Sex isn't a "stress relief" for anyone. You have to engage your parasympathetic nervous system to get aroused (the old "point and shoot"). OP just isn't as stressed about family life. He probably doesn't feel that it's *his* responsibility the way that his wife does. But if it were something that were

Speak for yourself. There is nothing better for stress relief than a good BJ, except maybe sex itself.