Tinder for dead bedrooms

[Anonymous]

43 y/o male. Wife and I have sex at most twice a year and it’s clear she isn’t into it. Honestly she seems grossed out by my simple touch. She really does
Doesn’t see the issue and won’t talk to counselor. She has told me I should jerk off more of it bothers me. I want to work on it but if she refuses to talk to a professional or even admit there is an issue what can I do? I’m starved for physical affection and it’s bothering more every day. I even googled chemical castration once because my libido was making me so unhappy.

I know people say I should get a divorce. But divorce means sleeping in a different house than my kids, screwing up my finances and moving into a crappy apartment. Plus I’ve got the good job. She would be in a tough spot without me. It feels like a giant punishment for having some normal human desires.


I see enough women on here who have the same problem. It seems like there should be a place where sex starved spouses can met to get some relief. I would kill for just actually getting to touch someone at this point.

Yes I know it’s a bad option but in my situation they are all has options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know people say I should get a divorce. But divorce means sleeping in a different house than my kids, screwing up my finances and moving into a crappy apartment.

So I guess more regular sex isn’t actually that high a priority for you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you get on Tinder and take photos without showing your face. Say in your bio your married but in a dead bedroom looking for someone in the same position. But watch out if the other person starts having feeling for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people say I should get a divorce. But divorce means sleeping in a different house than my kids, screwing up my finances and moving into a crappy apartment.

So I guess more regular sex isn’t actually that high a priority for you.

He'd kill for it though.

[Anonymous]

Would you talk to a counselor about it? On your own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you talk to a counselor about it? On your own?

I do but there really is only so much I can with her being part of the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people say I should get a divorce. But divorce means sleeping in a different house than my kids, screwing up my finances and moving into a crappy apartment.

So I guess more regular sex isn’t actually that high a priority for you.

I’ve given up on that but at least sex with someone attracted to me would be nice.

[Anonymous]

My ex husband made out better in our divorce even though he makes a lot more than me. Get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you talk to a counselor about it? On your own?

I do but there really is only so much I can with her being part of the conversation.

You mean without her? You might be surprised. There is probably a lot you can do without her being part of the conversation.

Don't knock it til you try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you talk to a counselor about it? On your own?

What does he need to talk to a counselor for? There’s no talking through a basic, primal need. I don’t blame OP for stepping out.

That said - be honest OP. Have you put on a significant amount of weight or otherwise let yourself go? That can tank a woman’s drive quickly.

[Anonymous]

There are two choices: have an affair or get a divorce. If you have an affair, do not get caught. I think you should divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you talk to a counselor about it? On your own?

What does he need to talk to a counselor for? There’s no talking through a basic, primal need. I don’t blame OP for stepping out.

That said - be honest OP. Have you put on a significant amount of weight or otherwise let yourself go? That can tank a woman’s drive quickly.

unless there is something she isn’t telling me she doesn’t like about my appearance no. I weigh the same I did I was 25 and I’m pretty good shape. On the face of it I’m a pretty good looking guy. But again I wish she would talk with me about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you talk to a counselor about it? On your own?

I do but there really is only so much I can with her being part of the conversation.

You mean without her? You might be surprised. There is probably a lot you can do without her being part of the conversation.

Don't knock it til you try it.

I do speak with a counselor on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you talk to a counselor about it? On your own?

What does he need to talk to a counselor for? There’s no talking through a basic, primal need. I don’t blame OP for stepping out.

That said - be honest OP. Have you put on a significant amount of weight or otherwise let yourself go? That can tank a woman’s drive quickly.

Interesting that everybody says the low desire partner should be the one to go to counseling to fix it rather than the high desire partner going to fix it. The thing is that you don't "fix" either. Nobody is doing anything wrong. But *both* partners could change something to make their relationship improve, even without involving the other.

And most people don't know this because they refuse to learn about it and definitely refuse to see a counselor. If you want to see how talking to a professional would help, you can google it. I'm not the expert and I don't think you'd believe me anyway.

It is wild that so many people cheat without considering therapy for themselves first. Setting up an appointment with a therapist is so much less complicated than setting up a tinder account and there is zero risk of blowing your life up because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you talk to a counselor about it? On your own?

I do but there really is only so much I can with her being part of the conversation.

You mean without her? You might be surprised. There is probably a lot you can do without her being part of the conversation.

Don't knock it til you try it.

I do speak with a counselor on my own.

Well what does your counselor say?