Broke off an affair. Going through depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a high every time we talked so it was fun. I mean I just looked forward to hearing from her. I don’t know what’s happened to me and why I’m a mess over this and have been for the past week. I can’t eat or exercise. I can barely go to work. I constantly think of future convos with her.

I’m trying to figure out how to snap out of it. I appreciate the tough love of Dcum. I do seem pathetic. There was a day last week I couldn’t get out of bed and I just can’t figure out why.
Our marriage hasn’t been great and I guess I just sought attention elsewhere and got hooked

You literally describe her like a drug. So treat it that way - like an addiction to heroin or cocaine. That’s why you couldn’t resist contacting her during the off-limits time period - you needed a fix. You are in withdrawal, which is very painful, but necessary. And you were self-medicating what perhaps was depression or a deep unhappiness, which will benefit you to work through in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a high every time we talked so it was fun. I mean I just looked forward to hearing from her. I don’t know what’s happened to me and why I’m a mess over this and have been for the past week. I can’t eat or exercise. I can barely go to work. I constantly think of future convos with her.

I’m trying to figure out how to snap out of it. I appreciate the tough love of Dcum. I do seem pathetic. There was a day last week I couldn’t get out of bed and I just can’t figure out why.
Our marriage hasn’t been great and I guess I just sought attention elsewhere and got hooked

You literally describe her like a drug. So treat it that way - like an addiction to heroin or cocaine. That’s why you couldn’t resist contacting her during the off-limits time period - you needed a fix. You are in withdrawal, which is very painful, but necessary. And you were self-medicating what perhaps was depression or a deep unhappiness, which will benefit you to work through in therapy.

The addiction talk is a symptom of how he doesn’t want to assume agency for this. It’s not like it happened to him, he had choices along the way and this is what he chose to do with it. Including texting her during off limits time. Sounds like he’s addicted to irresponsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP You allowed yourself to become dependent on this person to regulate your emotional state. You basically outsourced your emotional stability to a near-stranger. She rightfully cut if off — she’s married, to your acquaintance, and they have a kid together! WTAF?? You basically have just said - I don’t care what my values are, I don’t even care what her values are, I’m just gonna ride this emo train as far as it will take me because it feels so damn good. That is pathologically selfish. But not even in a sadistic way. It’s in a masochistic way because the only one who actually seems to be hurting here is you. Ask yourself why you dislike yourself so much to ruin your marriage, friendship and self esteem by becoming non functional over a non relationship.

SO MUCH THIS!!

OP, How did your wife find out?

Leave your AP alone and man up for your wife. Or file for divorce so she can move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a high every time we talked so it was fun. I mean I just looked forward to hearing from her. I don’t know what’s happened to me and why I’m a mess over this and have been for the past week. I can’t eat or exercise. I can barely go to work. I constantly think of future convos with her.

I’m trying to figure out how to snap out of it. I appreciate the tough love of Dcum. I do seem pathetic. There was a day last week I couldn’t get out of bed and I just can’t figure out why.
Our marriage hasn’t been great and I guess I just sought attention elsewhere and got hooked

If you do ANYTHING, see a therapist. Your wife is in control of the marriage now.

I am sorry this is so hard on you, but STOP before things do become physical with someone. You will be very lucky to remain married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a high every time we talked so it was fun. I mean I just looked forward to hearing from her. I don’t know what’s happened to me and why I’m a mess over this and have been for the past week. I can’t eat or exercise. I can barely go to work. I constantly think of future convos with her.

I’m trying to figure out how to snap out of it. I appreciate the tough love of Dcum. I do seem pathetic. There was a day last week I couldn’t get out of bed and I just can’t figure out why.
Our marriage hasn’t been great and I guess I just sought attention elsewhere and got hooked

Get a divorce. You are clearly not in the right marriage.

OP isn’t ready for or emotionally mature enough for ANY relationship at all. He’ll eventually mess any of them up.

All the more reason to get a divorce—so his wife can move on and stop wasting her time on someone who does not love her.

[Anonymous]

OP you're a monumental loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you're a monumental loser

Must be so miserable in his marriage that this pipe dream is so attractive to him. Not thinking of the messiness that comes with divorce and kids etc. and not being in a texting relationship and everything so secret.

[Anonymous]

Man, i bet the OW is regretting the heck out of this.

[Anonymous]

OP, you will be fine in about 2 months. Until then, act as if you are fine. Fake it till you make it. Everything will be fine - if you don't screw up again.

[Anonymous]

Tell me, OP, what responses were you expecting from us?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it’s good to get it out anonymously.
The majority here believe OP to be a spineless coward that wallows in his own pain that he caused completely oblivious to the pain he’s caused everyone around him.
If he didn’t care so much I’d peg him as narcissist.

Get over your pain, think of your wife and her husband that were blindsided by you two.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear that you are suffering from depression over this.

Are you overall unhappy in your marriage OP?
If so, why can’t you just get a divorce??
Because if you are no longer in love w/your spouse, you may be setting yourself up for a lifetime of depression.

Seek out a therapist and get counseling for what made you participate in the affair, why the breakup is taking such a heavy toll on you now mentally and why you are unable to walk away from an unhappy/miserable marriage.

Good luck.🍀

[Anonymous]

OP do you think perhaps you wish you were with her instead of your wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you will be fine in about 2 months. Until then, act as if you are fine. Fake it till you make it. Everything will be fine - if you don't screw up again.

I agree with this. Time heals all wounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you think perhaps you wish you were with her instead of your wife?

Yes. I do. We were so compatible. We made each other laugh all the time and I felt I could tell her anything. I know it’s a pipe dream but what can I do. Maybe I’ll never get over this. I think she’s fixated on doing what’s best for her child, life and reputation. I’m trying my hardest to keep myself busy.