Incapable and Defensive Spouse

[Anonymous]

This statement is not only paranoid, it sounds insane.

"It takes more thought and effort to buy the wrong kind of milk (assuming the right kind was available). It’s her (childish, stupid) way of saying “f you, I don’t want to shop for groceries.”

It is not as though she came home with SCOTCH instead of milk. You sound like you need some meds or perspective, or both. Talk about 1st world problems, 2% vs. skim sends you into a paranoid rant?

I hope your wife has a divorce lawyer on speed dial. She and the kids will have a happier home without your nonsense. The things you care so much about are not the things that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other piece to this is, partners often get angry or upset when we use our strategies to get things right and not miss details, but it "takes too much time".

It’s a cumulative aggravation. Keep using the coping strategies, but also own your impact.

And this is why many people with ADHD give up, damned if we do, and damned if we don't. How about you have some empathy for your partner who has a disorder and who struggles every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having to just do it myself on top of all the other things is breaking my soul.

What would you do as a single parent? Starve? The drama! Are you 12?

So much of life is not even the circumstance but our response to it.

The degree of narcissism and self pity on this thread is high even for DC. People can't put cereal on the list when it is getting low? Someone who does not EAT it is supposed to monitor? And if they overstock then that is an issue? DTMFA.

And OP, what a sad, small man you must be to puff up trivia into grievances and seek strokes from strangers.

2% vs. skim? Wait until life gives you some REAL problems, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having to just do it myself on top of all the other things is breaking my soul.

What would you do as a single parent? Starve? The drama! Are you 12?

So much of life is not even the circumstance but our response to it.

The degree of narcissism and self pity on this thread is high even for DC. People can't put cereal on the list when it is getting low? Someone who does not EAT it is supposed to monitor? And if they overstock then that is an issue? DTMFA.

And OP, what a sad, small man you must be to puff up trivia into grievances and seek strokes from strangers.

2% vs. skim? Wait until life gives you some REAL problems, OP.

I parent alone often. My partner is out of the country half the year. You are aggressive and histrionic. Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having to just do it myself on top of all the other things is breaking my soul.

What would you do as a single parent? Starve? The drama! Are you 12?

So much of life is not even the circumstance but our response to it.

The degree of narcissism and self pity on this thread is high even for DC. People can't put cereal on the list when it is getting low? Someone who does not EAT it is supposed to monitor? And if they overstock then that is an issue? DTMFA.

And OP, what a sad, small man you must be to puff up trivia into grievances and seek strokes from strangers.

2% vs. skim? Wait until life gives you some REAL problems, OP.

I parent alone often. My partner is out of the country half the year. You are aggressive and histrionic. Not cool.

Also not, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other piece to this is, partners often get angry or upset when we use our strategies to get things right and not miss details, but it "takes too much time".

It’s a cumulative aggravation. Keep using the coping strategies, but also own your impact.

And this is why many people with ADHD give up, damned if we do, and damned if we don't. How about you have some empathy for your partner who has a disorder and who struggles every day

We both have ADHD. One of us leans into it more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse does most of the shopping. Also has significant and unmedicated adhd. He goes to the store probably daily fir things he's forgotten. I don't criticize about this forgetting, he doesn't complain about going all the time (he prefers it to cleaning, cooking and bills which I do) .

Anyway I learned long ago that criticism is useless, just makes him feel angry abd defensive. We try to play to our strengths and look at big picture. But I certainly do felt like op early on, when we had in kids and sh$t hit the fan and I expected bhim to be like me.

Help us then, list some strengths of his.

Mine takes 3 trips to the XYZ to get things as well.always 3 steps FW, 2 back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other piece to this is, partners often get angry or upset when we use our strategies to get things right and not miss details, but it "takes too much time".

It’s a cumulative aggravation. Keep using the coping strategies, but also own your impact.

And this is why many people with ADHD give up, damned if we do, and damned if we don't. How about you have some empathy for your partner who has a disorder and who struggles every day

Just don’t have kids or buy a house and yes. Keep it simple. Very simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having to just do it myself on top of all the other things is breaking my soul.

What would you do as a single parent? Starve? The drama! Are you 12?

So much of life is not even the circumstance but our response to it.

The degree of narcissism and self pity on this thread is high even for DC. People can't put cereal on the list when it is getting low? Someone who does not EAT it is supposed to monitor? And if they overstock then that is an issue? DTMFA.

And OP, what a sad, small man you must be to puff up trivia into grievances and seek strokes from strangers.

2% vs. skim? Wait until life gives you some REAL problems, OP.

Single mom it is infinitely easier without an albatross.

Significantly less setbacks.
Less arguing.
Less nasty surprises and broken stuff.
Less bad examples for the children.
Less hypervigilance from others covering for adhd or asd person.
Less stress fie all.