Disagreement regarding telling our kids we are divorcing

[Anonymous]

DW filed for divorce and she said we should tell our 2 kids 13 and 10 that WE are divorcing. I think she should tell them separately that she is divorcing me. Why do I have to protect her after she cheated and filed for divorce?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to protect her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to protect her.

OP does not. That's true.

He should do what's right for the kids. That's his life now. Swallowing his anger in front of his kids for their sake.

Might as well start now.

-A divorced dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW filed for divorce and she said we should tell our 2 kids 13 and 10 that WE are divorcing. I think she should tell them separately that she is divorcing me. Why do I have to protect her after she cheated and filed for divorce?

You’re supposed to protect your children I think?

[Anonymous]

Because it's in the best interest of the children to shield them from the details for now.

And because you are both divorcing. It's not like she's getting divorced and you're staying married.

[Anonymous]

I understand your frustration, but if your kids don't assign blames they will be better off mentally. And don't worry give it time. Wait until she introduces your kids to her new flame....A lot of women think their children will easily accept the new "guy"..She thinks she has everything under control(all cheaters do), but your kids will see her true colors at some point.

[Anonymous]

You can say we are divorcing because she cheated.

[Anonymous]

It’s ok to tell them the truth. You don’t owe her protection.

[Anonymous]

OP let her do the talking and don't say a word. Afterwards, take your 2 kids out and tell them that you love them and you will always be there for them. Do not mention a single thing about their mom.

[Anonymous]

Meh I dunno. I think kids should be allowed to know, depending on age.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you both are getting a divorce so this is just semantics. But, it isn’t semantics. Because what you are really saying is “this is all your mom’s fault.” — which may or may not be true.

But if you try to play this blame game with your kids, then you are definitely to blame for the damage to them. You need to get over your anger and think about the kids.

[Anonymous]

She does not control what you say

[Anonymous]

OP here , I do want to protect my children. However, why should there be a "burden" on me to protect her? She didn't think about us when she was having her affair...

[Anonymous]

Will your kids be better off knowing? Then tell them. Likely though it would just cause them additional anguish, confusion, and anger towards their mother—which probably feels good for you, but isn’t good for them.

I’m sorry, OP. Counseling for you and them, immediately to help them process. I don’t think telling them will in any way help their mental health though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here , I do want to protect my children. However, why should there be a "burden" on me to protect her? She didn't think about us when she was having her affair...

For sure you don’t have to protect her, but you have to protect the kids, and telling the kids will hurt their relationship with their mom. They deserve good relationships with both parents and sharing this information will make it very hard for them to have that.