Married friends coming out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sil just came out only to my brother though, he told me. They just had their second child last year. They're figuring out what to do. She hasn't come out to her family yet. They're super religious.

I'm not religious, but I think she's horrible. They just decided to have a child! Both need to put that first, not too difficult.

I have feelings and attractions etc. etc. BUT as an adult I don't act on that. I put my family first, and know how my poor actions would negatively affect others. It's called being a responsible adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am not your ex. Stop projecting and take your anger out somewhere else.
Again, tell me EXACTLY what I should have done. The morally perfect thing, because you are so righteous

Hi. Read the posts in this thread. Everyone is telling you what you should have done.

BTW - Any time now, you can tell me how long you pretended to be married after you decided to leave him. My bet is about five years, based on your other posts.

Honestly, it took a few years to be sure. Sometimes things were good enough that I thought I could power through it, especially not knowing if I’d ever meet anyone anyway.
The tipping point was when I realized he would never ever see me as an equal partner in the marriage.

(Also, not that you’re asking, but I was not the kind of SAHM that drove a nice car and went to yoga. I was the kind wearing 8 year old Old Navy T shirts with spit up on my shoulder, and had eye bags and anemia and bad skin, could not afford yoga or classes, who felt guilty spending money on anything at all that was not groceries. Since you keep talking about “lifestyle and comfort” I think we should set the record straight. )

When I accepted that I’d be better off single forever than staying with him, that is when I knew I had to leave and actually told him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sil just came out only to my brother though, he told me. They just had their second child last year. They're figuring out what to do. She hasn't come out to her family yet. They're super religious.

I'm not religious, but I think she's horrible. They just decided to have a child! Both need to put that first, not too difficult.

I have feelings and attractions etc. etc. BUT as an adult I don't act on that. I put my family first, and know how my poor actions would negatively affect others. It's called being a responsible adult.

FFS this is why I can’t take you seriously when you imply there is a “right” way to do this.
Who said they aren’t putting the child first? What did you get out of that post that leads you to believe the child is not being prioritized?
Again, wise one, tell us what this lady should have done instead?

[Anonymous]

Since you keep talking about “lifestyle and comfort” I think we should set the record straight.

Hi. My posts never discussed "lifestyle and comfort." Other posters did so.

[Anonymous]

Again, wise one, tell us what this lady should have done instead?

You are replying to a post I did not make. I am the person you let you about the movie "Gaslight".

However, being honest is the answer to your question about what you should have done instead of deceiving your spouse for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Again, wise one, tell us what this lady should have done instead?

You are replying to a post I did not make. I am the person you let you about the movie "Gaslight".

However, being honest is the answer to your question about what you should have done instead of deceiving your spouse for years.

How can I be honest about something I don’t even know for sure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Again, wise one, tell us what this lady should have done instead?

You are replying to a post I did not make. I am the person you let you about the movie "Gaslight".

However, being honest is the answer to your question about what you should have done instead of deceiving your spouse for years.

Great! Then few free to ignore it.
It is always interesting when several different posters on a thread write in the same tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sil just came out only to my brother though, he told me. They just had their second child last year. They're figuring out what to do. She hasn't come out to her family yet. They're super religious.

I'm not religious, but I think she's horrible. They just decided to have a child! Both need to put that first, not too difficult.

I have feelings and attractions etc. etc. BUT as an adult I don't act on that. I put my family first, and know how my poor actions would negatively affect others. It's called being a responsible adult.

FFS this is why I can’t take you seriously when you imply there is a “right” way to do this.
Who said they aren’t putting the child first? What did you get out of that post that leads you to believe the child is not being prioritized?
Again, wise one, tell us what this lady should have done instead?

Did you not read? "They're figuring out what to do." Apparently the sil pulled a number on her DH to begin with. You can't prioritize a child with that nonsense going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, wise one, tell us what this lady should have done instead?

You are replying to a post I did not make. I am the person you let you about the movie "Gaslight".

However, being honest is the answer to your question about what you should have done instead of deceiving your spouse for years.

Great! Then few free to ignore it.
It is always interesting when several different posters on a thread write in the same tone.

Apparently it's more than a few who disagree with your poor life choices!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sil just came out only to my brother though, he told me. They just had their second child last year. They're figuring out what to do. She hasn't come out to her family yet. They're super religious.

I'm not religious, but I think she's horrible. They just decided to have a child! Both need to put that first, not too difficult.

I have feelings and attractions etc. etc. BUT as an adult I don't act on that. I put my family first, and know how my poor actions would negatively affect others. It's called being a responsible adult.

FFS this is why I can’t take you seriously when you imply there is a “right” way to do this.
Who said they aren’t putting the child first? What did you get out of that post that leads you to believe the child is not being prioritized?
Again, wise one, tell us what this lady should have done instead?

Did you not read? "They're figuring out what to do." Apparently the sil pulled a number on her DH to begin with. You can't prioritize a child with that nonsense going on.

I absolutely read it, that’s why your response puzzled me.
What is wrong with them figuring out what to do?
I missed the part about SIL pulling a number on the DH. Did she cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sil just came out only to my brother though, he told me. They just had their second child last year. They're figuring out what to do. She hasn't come out to her family yet. They're super religious.

I'm not religious, but I think she's horrible. They just decided to have a child! Both need to put that first, not too difficult.

I have feelings and attractions etc. etc. BUT as an adult I don't act on that. I put my family first, and know how my poor actions would negatively affect others. It's called being a responsible adult.

I'm least concerned about the child here. The kid is an infant and will adapt to life very easily much more easily than an older kid. I also feel for SIL given her religious background she really may not have known or had the chance to explore those feelings. And she'll most likely be rejected by her family. I also feel for her husband as it's never easy for a marriage to come apart. Hopefully they both can find love and can coparent well together and raise happy kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am not your ex. Stop projecting and take your anger out somewhere else.
Again, tell me EXACTLY what I should have done. The morally perfect thing, because you are so righteous

Hi. Read the posts in this thread. Everyone is telling you what you should have done.

BTW - Any time now, you can tell me how long you pretended to be married after you decided to leave him. My bet is about five years, based on your other posts.

Honestly, it took a few years to be sure. Sometimes things were good enough that I thought I could power through it, especially not knowing if I’d ever meet anyone anyway.
The tipping point was when I realized he would never ever see me as an equal partner in the marriage.

(Also, not that you’re asking, but I was not the kind of SAHM that drove a nice car and went to yoga. I was the kind wearing 8 year old Old Navy T shirts with spit up on my shoulder, and had eye bags and anemia and bad skin, could not afford yoga or classes, who felt guilty spending money on anything at all that was not groceries. Since you keep talking about “lifestyle and comfort” I think we should set the record straight. )

When I accepted that I’d be better off single forever than staying with him, that is when I knew I had to leave and actually told him.

Sometimes we are better off divorced. I get that part, but everything after I don't agree with. I also don't believe you decided you were gay one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sil just came out only to my brother though, he told me. They just had their second child last year. They're figuring out what to do. She hasn't come out to her family yet. They're super religious.

I'm not religious, but I think she's horrible. They just decided to have a child! Both need to put that first, not too difficult.

I have feelings and attractions etc. etc. BUT as an adult I don't act on that. I put my family first, and know how my poor actions would negatively affect others. It's called being a responsible adult.

I'm least concerned about the child here. The kid is an infant and will adapt to life very easily much more easily than an older kid. I also feel for SIL given her religious background she really may not have known or had the chance to explore those feelings. And she'll most likely be rejected by her family. I also feel for her husband as it's never easy for a marriage to come apart. Hopefully they both can find love and can coparent well together and raise happy kids.

Finally someone reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sil just came out only to my brother though, he told me. They just had their second child last year. They're figuring out what to do. She hasn't come out to her family yet. They're super religious.

I'm not religious, but I think she's horrible. They just decided to have a child! Both need to put that first, not too difficult.

I have feelings and attractions etc. etc. BUT as an adult I don't act on that. I put my family first, and know how my poor actions would negatively affect others. It's called being a responsible adult.

FFS this is why I can’t take you seriously when you imply there is a “right” way to do this.
Who said they aren’t putting the child first? What did you get out of that post that leads you to believe the child is not being prioritized?
Again, wise one, tell us what this lady should have done instead?

Did you not read? "They're figuring out what to do." Apparently the sil pulled a number on her DH to begin with. You can't prioritize a child with that nonsense going on.

I absolutely read it, that’s why your response puzzled me.
What is wrong with them figuring out what to do?
I missed the part about SIL pulling a number on the DH. Did she cheat?

I don't see anything about cheating. I read it as sil told her husband she's gay , they are figuring out what they want to do as a couple/ parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am not your ex. Stop projecting and take your anger out somewhere else.
Again, tell me EXACTLY what I should have done. The morally perfect thing, because you are so righteous

Hi. Read the posts in this thread. Everyone is telling you what you should have done.

BTW - Any time now, you can tell me how long you pretended to be married after you decided to leave him. My bet is about five years, based on your other posts.

Honestly, it took a few years to be sure. Sometimes things were good enough that I thought I could power through it, especially not knowing if I’d ever meet anyone anyway.
The tipping point was when I realized he would never ever see me as an equal partner in the marriage.

(Also, not that you’re asking, but I was not the kind of SAHM that drove a nice car and went to yoga. I was the kind wearing 8 year old Old Navy T shirts with spit up on my shoulder, and had eye bags and anemia and bad skin, could not afford yoga or classes, who felt guilty spending money on anything at all that was not groceries. Since you keep talking about “lifestyle and comfort” I think we should set the record straight. )

When I accepted that I’d be better off single forever than staying with him, that is when I knew I had to leave and actually told him.

Sometimes we are better off divorced. I get that part, but everything after I don't agree with. I also don't believe you decided you were gay one day.

You are right about that.