Assault allegation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A three year old claim? Is that it? No witness, no corroborating texts like him apologizing or her asking him why he did it? No rape kit or police report? Just some girl coming out of the blue saying Timmy touched me without my permission?

I wouldn't do shit.

If she went to the police or filed a civil suit, I'd hire an attorney with experience pursuing libel and slander and rabidly go after her.

But what if he DID do it? You’d still go after the girl? This is why victims rarely report. You are part of the problem.

...then what do we do to help boys/men whose lives are devastated by false accusations. I know the statistics and I agree it's important to believe woman, but that does not mean that we just abandon boys/men who are equally victims. Not only is it not right, it undermines the credibility of all women.

I actually don't know that isn't happening. Also, I'm not sure how saying assault is a bigger problem than false accusation is helpful at all. I agree that there are more assaults than false accusations. That's not at issue. I also agree that sexual assault is horrible and we (personally and as a society) need to do what we can to stop it. However, that doesn't help the boys who are the victims of false accusations. Do you have a boy? Are you willing to shrug your shoulders and sacrifice him because sexual assault is the bigger problem? I'm just not sure why both aren't a problem.
It's like if I get car jacked and you shrug and say, "Well, statistically, car jackings aren't a big problem." Thanks, buddy!

It does not ruin lives. That's absurd. Transferring to a new school is not a life ruined. Overdramatic boy daddies, get a life.

Do you actually have a child? What if everyone in their middle school/high school thought they were a rapist? Do you live in the DMV? Do you know how social media works? These kids are all connected. Imagine your child gets death threats yelled at them when walking down the street wherever they go in the DMV. Imagine they go to college and somehow someone figures out that it’s “that kid” and now everyone at college thinks your kid is a rapist. Yes. It does ruin lives. Don’t be an asshole.

Pp above says statistics don’t support false accusations. I’m curious. I personally know at least 4 kids this has happened to to one degree or another (one was a girl). I feel like statistics may not have caught up to current reality. Beware.

Well, I've been assaulted twice (neither reported). I was drugged once. I've had other close encounters with aggressive boys/men (in addition to the catcalls and outright harassment). In short, your anecdotes are not data. They are not statistics. Just as mine are not. But, the existing stats do show that there are more of me than there are of you.

Oh, and to answer your question (though I am not the PP you responded to), I do have a child. And I'm far more worried about her being assaulted than about her making some sort of false allegation. Or about this non-existent tidal wave of women making false allegations. Because, we know that isn't happening.

[Anonymous]

I actually don't know that isn't happening. Also, I'm not sure how saying assault is a bigger problem than false accusation is helpful at all. I agree that there are more assaults than false accusations. That's not at issue. I also agree that sexual assault is horrible and we (personally and as a society) need to do what we can to stop it. However, that doesn't help the boys who are the victims of false accusations. Do you have a boy? Are you willing to shrug your shoulders and sacrifice him because sexual assault is the bigger problem? I'm just not sure why both aren't a problem.
It's like if I get car jacked and you shrug and say, "Well, statistically, car jackings aren't a big problem." Thanks, buddy!

[Anonymous]

Read this article written by a survivor of sexual assault-

https://www.forbes.com/sites/karlynborysenko/2020/02/12/the-dark-side-of-metoo-what-happens-when-men-are-falsely-accused/?sh=2ab95165864d

From the article:

It’s easy to say “it’s just 2%” and dismiss it out of hand. After all, 2 out of 100 is such a small insignificant number!

But let’s take a moment to play my favorite game, fun with math:

According to the EEOC, there were 7,514 charges of sex-based harassment filed in 2019.
At the low range of the spectrum, 2% of 7,514 is 150. At the higher end of 10%, it’s 750.
That means that between 150 and 750 people were falsely accused in 2019. That’s between 150 and 750 people who could have had their careers ended, their reputations destroyed, and years of hard work come to a grinding halt when they did not deserve it if the presumption is that they are guilty without a fair process. And that was just last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read this article written by a survivor of sexual assault-

https://www.forbes.com/sites/karlynborysenko/2020/02/12/the-dark-side-of-metoo-what-happens-when-men-are-falsely-accused/?sh=2ab95165864d

From the article:

It’s easy to say “it’s just 2%” and dismiss it out of hand. After all, 2 out of 100 is such a small insignificant number!

But let’s take a moment to play my favorite game, fun with math:

According to the EEOC, there were 7,514 charges of sex-based harassment filed in 2019.
At the low range of the spectrum, 2% of 7,514 is 150. At the higher end of 10%, it’s 750.
That means that between 150 and 750 people were falsely accused in 2019. That’s between 150 and 750 people who could have had their careers ended, their reputations destroyed, and years of hard work come to a grinding halt when they did not deserve it if the presumption is that they are guilty without a fair process. And that was just last year.

Did you read the Atlantic article posted above?

Are you familiar with stats that already show that false reports of sexual assaults do not happen at greater rates than other crimes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A three year old claim? Is that it? No witness, no corroborating texts like him apologizing or her asking him why he did it? No rape kit or police report? Just some girl coming out of the blue saying Timmy touched me without my permission?

I wouldn't do shit.

If she went to the police or filed a civil suit, I'd hire an attorney with experience pursuing libel and slander and rabidly go after her.

But what if he DID do it? You’d still go after the girl? This is why victims rarely report. You are part of the problem.

...then what do we do to help boys/men whose lives are devastated by false accusations. I know the statistics and I agree it's important to believe woman, but that does not mean that we just abandon boys/men who are equally victims. Not only is it not right, it undermines the credibility of all women.

It does not ruin lives. That's absurd. Transferring to a new school is not a life ruined. Overdramatic boy daddies, get a life.

Do you actually have a child? What if everyone in their middle school/high school thought they were a rapist? Do you live in the DMV? Do you know how social media works? These kids are all connected. Imagine your child gets death threats yelled at them when walking down the street wherever they go in the DMV. Imagine they go to college and somehow someone figures out that it’s “that kid” and now everyone at college thinks your kid is a rapist. Yes. It does ruin lives. Don’t be an asshole.

Pp above says statistics don’t support false accusations. I’m curious. I personally know at least 4 kids this has happened to to one degree or another (one was a girl). I feel like statistics may not have caught up to current reality. Beware.

Well, I've been assaulted twice (neither reported). I was drugged once. I've had other close encounters with aggressive boys/men (in addition to the catcalls and outright harassment). In short, your anecdotes are not data. They are not statistics. Just as mine are not. But, the existing stats do show that there are more of me than there are of you.

Oh, and to answer your question (though I am not the PP you responded to), I do have a child. And I'm far more worried about her being assaulted than about her making some sort of false allegation. Or about this non-existent tidal wave of women making false allegations. Because, we know that isn't happening.

If you have sons AND daughters you see both sides of the issue very quickly. Terrifying on either end. You worry just as much about both of them. The boys you lecture over and over not even to be in the same room alone with a girl under the influence, and about consent..and drunken sex, etc. With the girls it is worry their entire lives about empty parking lots, walking home alone at night, jogging in remote areas on trails, etc..

I think those that have only one gender are quick to paint the other side as 'bad'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read this article written by a survivor of sexual assault-

https://www.forbes.com/sites/karlynborysenko/2020/02/12/the-dark-side-of-metoo-what-happens-when-men-are-falsely-accused/?sh=2ab95165864d

From the article:

It’s easy to say “it’s just 2%” and dismiss it out of hand. After all, 2 out of 100 is such a small insignificant number!

But let’s take a moment to play my favorite game, fun with math:

According to the EEOC, there were 7,514 charges of sex-based harassment filed in 2019.
At the low range of the spectrum, 2% of 7,514 is 150. At the higher end of 10%, it’s 750.
That means that between 150 and 750 people were falsely accused in 2019. That’s between 150 and 750 people who could have had their careers ended, their reputations destroyed, and years of hard work come to a grinding halt when they did not deserve it if the presumption is that they are guilty without a fair process. And that was just last year.

Did you read the Atlantic article posted above?

Are you familiar with stats that already show that false reports of sexual assaults do not happen at greater rates than other crimes?

Just because they don't happen at greater rates than other crimes doesn't mean they don't happen and for those that it does happen to, I doubt they care what rate it happens at. What's your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[

If you have sons AND daughters you see both sides of the issue very quickly. Terrifying on either end. You worry just as much about both of them. The boys you lecture over and over not even to be in the same room alone with a girl under the influence, and about consent..and drunken sex, etc. With the girls it is worry their entire lives about empty parking lots, walking home alone at night, jogging in remote areas on trails, etc..

I think those that have only one gender are quick to paint the other side as 'bad'.

I don't think you need to see the other side as "bad" to recognize there is a problem. Is sexual assault good? No. Is making false accusations good?No. We need to recognize the problems and talk about how to help these kids rather than quoting statistics.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who has been blackout drunk in college and had sex can say they were assaulted and per the law they were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who has been blackout drunk in college and had sex can say they were assaulted and per the law they were.

^ and I say this as someone who was in this situation multiple times. I didn't consider it assault then. And still don't. But per the law it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if your son was accused of a sex assault that allegedly occurred several years ago?

Parents need to warn their kids about this stuff. Girls and boys need to learn how to stay safe.

Yes, it’s an old thread, but still instructive.

[Anonymous]

Who is dragging this stuff out?

[Anonymous]

OP, for your son I would suggest getting a good lawyer and therapist immediately (whether he's innocent or guilty). All people are entitled to legal counsel and should have it. Especially since he is a minor, legal and mental health support seem urgent.

He is a minor and children make mistakes but he still should be held accountable for any crimes he may have committed. Therapy and lawyer will be helpful whether he's guilty or innocent. He could be either.

For everyone else reading this, it's a good reminder to keep talking to your sons and daughters and not let them fall into the rabbit holes of their friend groups and phones and social media for hours with no adult parent supervision. Peers are not effective character teachers or stand-ins for parents of tweens and teens. Adults need to remain involved parents even when the kids don't "seem" to need us.

My friends with older kids told that in their experience/wisdom having raised adults, the most important time to be a hands-on parent was the teenage years. Another caregiver or grandparent could care for their babies/toddlers/grade-schoolers for the most part but it was the middle-school to high-school years that was the danger zone. They need less care (since they can wash/feed/clothe themselves) but they still need involved parents to talk to about decision-making, advise them, give counsel, talk through character dilemmas, bounce off ideas for handling peer/group dynamics/drama, discuss sudden bust of intense feelings (stress, pressure, puberty, self-esteem).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have public defenders and sex assault investigators in my family.

1. I would get my son a therapist.
2. I would consult a lawyer (my sex assault investigator family member always talked about lawyer who thought they could handle their own kids cases and they always blow it. If this is not you specialty you are a parent not a lawyer.)
3. I would find out exactly what happened. Your kid needs to tell exactly what happened so the lawyer can help you.
4. I would advise my son of his right. He should know not to talk to a cop ever. Just say ... am I being detained? If not leave. Am I under arrest? If not leave. If they won’t let him leave only say “ I can’t talk to you without my lawyer” if he’s a minor say “I can’t talk to you without my parent”

Everybody has the right to accost investigation.
Nibody should be compelled to provide evidence against the self.

Cops are Liars and generally really, really stupid so they will try a fake case and that is the sad reality.

I would move him to a private school if she is in his school.

This!!! Especially the cops are liars part. I never thought it was true before but it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it make a difference if you think the allegation is true or not?

No it doesn't matter. You hire a lawyer immediately. And don't let your son be questioned without his lawyer present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know first if he did it. This would be very important to me and I would be unable to think of anything else until I had established this. And it would influence how I proceeded.

And any admission to you of guilt would not be privileged.

If her son is a minor, yes it is privileged.

My son is 24 and I am not the OP. But I would not be able to bring myself to help him fight a charge if I knew it was true.

+1 and I am a dad if that matters.