Assault allegation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if your son was accused of a sex assault that allegedly occurred several years ago?

In a sensible world, everyone would laugh at the accusations.
In modern clown world, you might want to head that off, or at least hire a good sleazy powerful lawyer with hired goons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if the young man is not "innocent" that doesn't mean they should be thrown away or destroyed. People can learn, change, grow, reform, remorse, try to make right.
It doesn't do anyone any good to think otherwise. Then we have a society full of a bunch of throw away men.

Yes. If some men want to throw away their lives by assaulting another person, then that is the consequence they are choosing. Most men don’t assault women- the ones who do deserve to be labeled as sex offenders. Sure they can repent and grow but they are still sex offenders. I wouldn’t hire one. Sexual assault is a heinous crime, not a “mistake” that should be forgiven so easily. If you don’t want that label for life, then Don’t do the assault. It’s really that simple. I know a sex offender in the extended family and he is no longer i cited to any family events. Yes, such an act means you want to be socially ousted and lose your social standing and employment potential. Most men don’t assault so clearly it’s very doable.

[Anonymous]

My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

[Anonymous]

I believe you and your son, PP. I am the mom of teen daughters. I know how quickly rumors can be spun into facts, and how devastating shunning can be. I hope your son can start fresh in college, if not sooner at a new school, and put this chapter behind him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

This is what I’m talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

Why didn't you change schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know first if he did it. This would be very important to me and I would be unable to think of anything else until I had established this. And it would influence how I proceeded.

And any admission to you of guilt would not be privileged.

If her son is a minor, yes it is privileged.

My son is 24 and I am not the OP. But I would not be able to bring myself to help him fight a charge if I knew it was true.

As the mom of a troubled kid, I can assure you that if you ever found yourself in this situation, you will be surprised by your thought process.

As the best friend of a rape survivor, go to hell.

What bothers me is that many people don't seem to differentiate between rape and touching someone's butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know first if he did it. This would be very important to me and I would be unable to think of anything else until I had established this. And it would influence how I proceeded.

And any admission to you of guilt would not be privileged.

If her son is a minor, yes it is privileged.

My son is 24 and I am not the OP. But I would not be able to bring myself to help him fight a charge if I knew it was true.

As the mom of a troubled kid, I can assure you that if you ever found yourself in this situation, you will be surprised by your thought process.

As the best friend of a rape survivor, go to hell.

Right. You can touch someone's butt and be labeled a sexual predator, shunned and left to rot, but how does that make anyone safer? I feel like there's a huge gray area here where people want it to be black and white.

I am also a sexual assault survivor, and not just butt touching, so...

What bothers me is that many people don't seem to differentiate between rape and touching someone's butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

Why didn't you change schools?

Well, if you must know, we did, but in this area, many kids across schools know each other. There's no way to escape it. Short of moving out of the area and even that isn't fool proof. With social media, networks are large and you can be found (even if the kid in question isn't on social media).

Let me also say, this affected the relationships of everyone in the family to their friends, peers and community. DS's sibling had to deal with losing friends, DH and I lost friends. It has been traumatic for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

Why didn't you change schools?

Well, if you must know, we did, but in this area, many kids across schools know each other. There's no way to escape it. Short of moving out of the area and even that isn't fool proof. With social media, networks are large and you can be found (even if the kid in question isn't on social media).

Let me also say, this affected the relationships of everyone in the family to their friends, peers and community. DS's sibling had to deal with losing friends, DH and I lost friends. It has been traumatic for years.

I’m sorry you and your family went through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if the young man is not "innocent" that doesn't mean they should be thrown away or destroyed. People can learn, change, grow, reform, remorse, try to make right.
It doesn't do anyone any good to think otherwise. Then we have a society full of a bunch of throw away men.

No
That never happens they always get worse.

[Anonymous]

I’d hire a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if the young man is not "innocent" that doesn't mean they should be thrown away or destroyed. People can learn, change, grow, reform, remorse, try to make right.
It doesn't do anyone any good to think otherwise. Then we have a society full of a bunch of throw away men.

No
That never happens they always get worse.

True. I worked with perpetrators with a special treatment program to reduce recidivism. Does not work. Not even castration worked. Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if the young man is not "innocent" that doesn't mean they should be thrown away or destroyed. People can learn, change, grow, reform, remorse, try to make right.
It doesn't do anyone any good to think otherwise. Then we have a society full of a bunch of throw away men.

No
That never happens they always get worse.

That's insane. You are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if the young man is not "innocent" that doesn't mean they should be thrown away or destroyed. People can learn, change, grow, reform, remorse, try to make right.
It doesn't do anyone any good to think otherwise. Then we have a society full of a bunch of throw away men.

No
That never happens they always get worse.

That's insane. You are wrong.

No evidence.