Assault allegation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

I am very sorry you and your family went through this. Totally agree with what you’re saying.

I am a staunch feminist but also the mother of sons. I had girlfriends get date raped and just accept it which made me furious. I was pretty self-righteous about sexual assault until I had a male friend in college accused of rape.

While the investigation was pending he was suspended and had to leave campus. The woman eventually confessed to lying. They had been dating, and he broke up with her because she was crazy. She retaliated by accusing him. He did come back but his reputation was shredded, he’s lost a semester, and he got no restitution. The false accuser was not seriously disciplined for lying. She got a slap on the hand.

It made me realize how f*cked a system is that assumes guilt. Colleges were over correcting for when women weren’t believed for real rapes and some crazy woman took advantage of that to really f*ck up a guy’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

I am very sorry you and your family went through this. Totally agree with what you’re saying.

I am a staunch feminist but also the mother of sons. I had girlfriends get date raped and just accept it which made me furious. I was pretty self-righteous about sexual assault until I had a male friend in college accused of rape.

While the investigation was pending he was suspended and had to leave campus. The woman eventually confessed to lying. They had been dating, and he broke up with her because she was crazy. She retaliated by accusing him. He did come back but his reputation was shredded, he’s lost a semester, and he got no restitution. The false accuser was not seriously disciplined for lying. She got a slap on the hand.

It made me realize how f*cked a system is that assumes guilt. Colleges were over correcting for when women weren’t believed for real rapes and some crazy woman took advantage of that to really f*ck up a guy’s life.

Women lying about sexual assault is the exception and does not occur at rates higher than other crimes.

And you are just wrong about "the system". There was an article in the Atlantic a few years back about this. It was well done. And it's a theme I not only lived, and friends have lived, but it is one that is on display in police stations and courts everywhere. (Just listen to true crime - it's a typical theme). Women are not believed. They are judged as "sluts" and their morality is put on trial. Men get off with slaps on the wrist (Brock Turner, anyone?) Just look at the back log of rape kits in the country.

I am sorry for any man who gets caught up in false allegations. But do not act like that is typical or is somehow a bigger problem than ACTUAL sexual assaults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

I am very sorry you and your family went through this. Totally agree with what you’re saying.

I am a staunch feminist but also the mother of sons. I had girlfriends get date raped and just accept it which made me furious. I was pretty self-righteous about sexual assault until I had a male friend in college accused of rape.

While the investigation was pending he was suspended and had to leave campus. The woman eventually confessed to lying. They had been dating, and he broke up with her because she was crazy. She retaliated by accusing him. He did come back but his reputation was shredded, he’s lost a semester, and he got no restitution. The false accuser was not seriously disciplined for lying. She got a slap on the hand.

It made me realize how f*cked a system is that assumes guilt. Colleges were over correcting for when women weren’t believed for real rapes and some crazy woman took advantage of that to really f*ck up a guy’s life.

Very much so.

The US legal system basically assumes you are guilty and you have to prove your innocence.

That's exacerbated by the lying media that spreads arrests names and pictures on the "news" for ratings, of people only allegedly accused and not even convicted. That should not be tolerated or allowed, as it influences jurors and the public. "Well if they were accused and arrested then they MUST be guilty because government and police NEVER do anything wrong!"

People are right to be skeptical of any and all rape accusations, molestation, and other crimes as well, that are based on "Because I said so!" type hear-say evidence. They should all be dismissed at the beginnning before any arrests are made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.

I am very sorry you and your family went through this. Totally agree with what you’re saying.

I am a staunch feminist but also the mother of sons. I had girlfriends get date raped and just accept it which made me furious. I was pretty self-righteous about sexual assault until I had a male friend in college accused of rape.

While the investigation was pending he was suspended and had to leave campus. The woman eventually confessed to lying. They had been dating, and he broke up with her because she was crazy. She retaliated by accusing him. He did come back but his reputation was shredded, he’s lost a semester, and he got no restitution. The false accuser was not seriously disciplined for lying. She got a slap on the hand.

It made me realize how f*cked a system is that assumes guilt. Colleges were over correcting for when women weren’t believed for real rapes and some crazy woman took advantage of that to really f*ck up a guy’s life.

Very much so.

The US legal system basically assumes you are guilty and you have to prove your innocence.

That's exacerbated by the lying media that spreads arrests names and pictures on the "news" for ratings, of people only allegedly accused and not even convicted. That should not be tolerated or allowed, as it influences jurors and the public. "Well if they were accused and arrested then they MUST be guilty because government and police NEVER do anything wrong!"

People are right to be skeptical of any and all rape accusations, molestation, and other crimes as well, that are based on "Because I said so!" type hear-say evidence. They should all be dismissed at the beginnning before any arrests are made.

OH BS

Teach your boys not to be little shits like the GOP.

It is not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if your son was accused of a sex assault that allegedly occurred several years ago?

In a sensible world, everyone would laugh at the accusations.
In modern clown world, you might want to head that off, or at least hire a good sleazy powerful lawyer with hired goons.

It can take a long time for someone to be able to reach out. This includes men sexually assaulted by other men in the military.

[Anonymous]

OP never said her kid was not guilty.

She insinuated it happened but he was only 12 so.... he can change.

That is utterly ridiculous.

Boys turn into men but they don't change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP never said her kid was not guilty.

She insinuated it happened but he was only 12 so.... he can change.

That is utterly ridiculous.

Boys turn into men but they don't change.

You are the same person you were at 12? Everyone changes.

[Anonymous]

False accusations are not as rare as people think. Both things can be true - that false allegations happen and ruin the lives of young men and also that young women do not always come forward or are not always believed when they have been assaulted. Both are problems and can ruin lives.

The main motives for false allegations are alibi/cover up/ avoid trouble, anger/revenge, or self need - attention/emotional pain/manipulation/regret.

I know 3 men who were falsely accused. One - the young woman was being sexually abused but not by the person she accused, in another it was a student who was in foster care and had many emotional issues and when a male teacher put boundaries in place and she felt rejected / hurt, she accused him, and the third was during an ugly divorce and she later said she didn't know why she said it and regretted it immediately but didn't know how to take it back as she didn't want to look like a liar / ruin her reputation,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if your son was accused of a sex assault that allegedly occurred several years ago?

In a sensible world, everyone would laugh at the accusations.
In modern clown world, you might want to head that off, or at least hire a good sleazy powerful lawyer with hired goons.

It can take a long time for someone to be able to reach out. This includes men sexually assaulted by other men in the military.

Those men should man up and beat the crud or worse out of anyone who does that right as it happens or after. They have knives and guns. Problem solved and stays solved.

Women should pack heat. Shoot anyone trying to rape them, Works better than a whistle. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:False accusations are not as rare as people think. Both things can be true - that false allegations happen and ruin the lives of young men and also that young women do not always come forward or are not always believed when they have been assaulted. Both are problems and can ruin lives.

The main motives for false allegations are alibi/cover up/ avoid trouble, anger/revenge, or self need - attention/emotional pain/manipulation/regret.

I know 3 men who were falsely accused. One - the young woman was being sexually abused but not by the person she accused, in another it was a student who was in foster care and had many emotional issues and when a male teacher put boundaries in place and she felt rejected / hurt, she accused him, and the third was during an ugly divorce and she later said she didn't know why she said it and regretted it immediately but didn't know how to take it back as she didn't want to look like a liar / ruin her reputation,

No one said they are "rare" but that they are the exception. And in line with false accusations for other crimes. You've given anecdotes. Fine. I have many on the other side (women, including myself, who were sexually abused but never came forward or who were not taken seriously). But the stats are what they are and this is not a significant issue compared with ACTUAL assaults. It's just not. That does not diminish how serious it is for individual men falsely accused, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:False accusations are not as rare as people think. Both things can be true - that false allegations happen and ruin the lives of young men and also that young women do not always come forward or are not always believed when they have been assaulted. Both are problems and can ruin lives. [u]

The main motives for false allegations are alibi/cover up/ avoid trouble, anger/revenge, or self need - attention/emotional pain/manipulation/regret.

I know 3 men who were falsely accused. One - the young woman was being sexually abused but not by the person she accused, in another it was a student who was in foster care and had many emotional issues and when a male teacher put boundaries in place and she felt rejected / hurt, she accused him, and the third was during an ugly divorce and she later said she didn't know why she said it and regretted it immediately but didn't know how to take it back as she didn't want to look like a liar / ruin her reputation,

No one said they are "rare" but that they are the exception. And in line with false accusations for other crimes. You've given anecdotes. Fine. I have many on the other side (women, including myself, who were sexually abused but never came forward or who were not taken seriously). But the stats are what they are and this is not a significant issue compared with ACTUAL assaults. It's just not. That does not diminish how serious it is for individual men falsely accused, however.

NP. I take that poster’s statement to heart - both can be true. It doesn’t mean that victims should be disbelieved by the police if/when they report, but that the alleged crime should be investigated as factually and nonjudgmentally as possible (it will never be perfect). Ideally the court of public opinion would withold shaming both potential victims - the accuser and the accused - until an a tual court listens to all the evidence and decides what they think occurred. I know that is highly unrealistic to happen and I don’t have an answer to it. But as a woman I’m sympathetic to both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:False accusations are not as rare as people think. Both things can be true - that false allegations happen and ruin the lives of young men and also that young women do not always come forward or are not always believed when they have been assaulted. Both are problems and can ruin lives.

The main motives for false allegations are alibi/cover up/ avoid trouble, anger/revenge, or self need - attention/emotional pain/manipulation/regret.

I know 3 men who were falsely accused. One - the young woman was being sexually abused but not by the person she accused, in another it was a student who was in foster care and had many emotional issues and when a male teacher put boundaries in place and she felt rejected / hurt, she accused him, and the third was during an ugly divorce and she later said she didn't know why she said it and regretted it immediately but didn't know how to take it back as she didn't want to look like a liar / ruin her reputation,

No one said they are "rare" but that they are the exception. And in line with false accusations for other crimes. You've given anecdotes. Fine. I have many on the other side (women, including myself, who were sexually abused but never came forward or who were not taken seriously). But the stats are what they are and this is not a significant issue compared with ACTUAL assaults. It's just not. That does not diminish how serious it is for individual men falsely accused, however.

What do you mean it’s not a significant issue compared to actual assaults? Stats are 5-10% are false accusations among reported cases, definitely not an exception, with many egregious cases making it to the news.

The reverse is that only a small number of sexual assault cases (5%) result in conviction, because of lack of evidence, he said she said, misunderstanding etc. If you consider these to be ACTUAL assaults, false accusations are not that insignificant.

I like how you end up with how it shouldn’t diminish how serious it is for falsely accused men, yet the point of your post is to diminish and dismiss the issue. It is significant, that’s why due process exists!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:False accusations are not as rare as people think. Both things can be true - that false allegations happen and ruin the lives of young men and also that young women do not always come forward or are not always believed when they have been assaulted. Both are problems and can ruin lives.

The main motives for false allegations are alibi/cover up/ avoid trouble, anger/revenge, or self need - attention/emotional pain/manipulation/regret.

I know 3 men who were falsely accused. One - the young woman was being sexually abused but not by the person she accused, in another it was a student who was in foster care and had many emotional issues and when a male teacher put boundaries in place and she felt rejected / hurt, she accused him, and the third was during an ugly divorce and she later said she didn't know why she said it and regretted it immediately but didn't know how to take it back as she didn't want to look like a liar / ruin her reputation,

No one said they are "rare" but that they are the exception. And in line with false accusations for other crimes. You've given anecdotes. Fine. I have many on the other side (women, including myself, who were sexually abused but never came forward or who were not taken seriously). But the stats are what they are and this is not a significant issue compared with ACTUAL assaults. It's just not. That does not diminish how serious it is for individual men falsely accused, however.

What do you mean it’s not a significant issue compared to actual assaults? Stats are 5-10% are false accusations among reported cases, definitely not an exception, with many egregious cases making it to the news.

The reverse is that only a small number of sexual assault cases (5%) result in conviction, because of lack of evidence, he said she said, misunderstanding etc. If you consider these to be ACTUAL assaults, false accusations are not that insignificant.

I like how you end up with how it shouldn’t diminish how serious it is for falsely accused men, yet the point of your post is to diminish and dismiss the issue. It is significant, that’s why due process exists!

Typical of DCUM making men more of a victim than women. And cite you proof? Because all that is out there is to the contrary- stats and anecdotal. Is it an issue for any false allegation? Yes? Is that happening at a rate more than actual assaults that are REPORTED? No. Many many assaults are not reported and this thread is indicative of why. So don’t be obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Parents MUST let kids know how no, means no.

Just stop constantly going back on your word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:False accusations are not as rare as people think. Both things can be true - that false allegations happen and ruin the lives of young men and also that young women do not always come forward or are not always believed when they have been assaulted. Both are problems and can ruin lives.

The main motives for false allegations are alibi/cover up/ avoid trouble, anger/revenge, or self need - attention/emotional pain/manipulation/regret.

I know 3 men who were falsely accused. One - the young woman was being sexually abused but not by the person she accused, in another it was a student who was in foster care and had many emotional issues and when a male teacher put boundaries in place and she felt rejected / hurt, she accused him, and the third was during an ugly divorce and she later said she didn't know why she said it and regretted it immediately but didn't know how to take it back as she didn't want to look like a liar / ruin her reputation,

No one said they are "rare" but that they are the exception. And in line with false accusations for other crimes. You've given anecdotes. Fine. I have many on the other side (women, including myself, who were sexually abused but never came forward or who were not taken seriously). But the stats are what they are and this is not a significant issue compared with ACTUAL assaults. It's just not. That does not diminish how serious it is for individual men falsely accused, however.

What do you mean it’s not a significant issue compared to actual assaults? Stats are 5-10% are false accusations among reported cases, definitely not an exception, with many egregious cases making it to the news.

The reverse is that only a small number of sexual assault cases (5%) result in conviction, because of lack of evidence, he said she said, misunderstanding etc. If you consider these to be ACTUAL assaults, false accusations are not that insignificant.

I like how you end up with how it shouldn’t diminish how serious it is for falsely accused men, yet the point of your post is to diminish and dismiss the issue. It is significant, that’s why due process exists!

Typical of DCUM making men more of a victim than women. And cite you proof? Because all that is out there is to the contrary- stats and anecdotal. Is it an issue for any false allegation? Yes? Is that happening at a rate more than actual assaults that are REPORTED? No. Many many assaults are not reported and this thread is indicative of why. So don’t be obtuse.

Google the stats yourself, the numbers are correct. Reported assaults encompass false accusations, convictions and cases that are dropped. False accusations and convictions have comparable numbers, but it is also true that assaults are underreported.

It is quite stupid to dismiss a crime based on how often it happens and the gender of the victim. What is your point here, since false accusations are comparatively more rare they should be dismissed? Or men are less of a victim because of the frequency of the crime?

It’s as simple as due process and innocent until proven guilty.