Assault allegation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is shocking. I have three boys. I would want to know the truth. I would want my child to get therapy immediately. I would want my child to have accountability for his actions. Aren't these steps the only way the child has a chance at becoming a decent adult???

If the accusations are not true, that is a completely different question, and not a difficult one for anyone to answer, but OP never said they are not true.

accountability is a stent in prison and a ruined future

[Anonymous]

Well, we have an immediate example of what can happen if you bury your head in the sand and don't get your child any qualified help: you end up with a Josh Duggar. There's a decent chance he'd still be a pedophile because some people just are and there's not much to be done about it, but who knows? And who knows what other things he's done in the last 20 years that no one has found out yet?

I hope to never find myself in this situation, but if I thought there was a chance it could be true, lawyer and therapist. Not necessarily in that order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not much you can do but hire an attorney if anything comes of it.

This but since I’m already a lawyer I’d try to lock down/retrieve any of the evidence surrounding the accusation. Texts, social media messages/posts, etc. I’d be in full blown data preservation mode.

+1 I would believe and support my kid but I would also be looking to find all data/evidence that I could to either support or dispute the allegation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, we have an immediate example of what can happen if you bury your head in the sand and don't get your child any qualified help: you end up with a Josh Duggar. There's a decent chance he'd still be a pedophile because some people just are and there's not much to be done about it, but who knows? And who knows what other things he's done in the last 20 years that no one has found out yet?

I hope to never find myself in this situation, but if I thought there was a chance it could be true, lawyer and therapist. Not necessarily in that order.

Nope. Not even partially correct. No child is born a pedophile and there is no pedophile DNA. Pedophiles are created by their environment.

If Josh Duggar is a pedophile then his parents and his upbringing have a large contribution to that. He has the final control, certainly, because otherwise we could all be doing the unthinkable but his parents and upbringing certainly contributed to what he has become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is shocking. I have three boys. I would want to know the truth. I would want my child to get therapy immediately. I would want my child to have accountability for his actions. Aren't these steps the only way the child has a chance at becoming a decent adult???

If the accusations are not true, that is a completely different question, and not a difficult one for anyone to answer, but OP never said they are not true.

accountability is a stent in prison and a ruined future

Maybe -- if the assualt happened when the assaulter was an adult. If it happened when they were a child -- as PP has said -- then no, not even close. And yeah, if my kid sexually assaulted someone as an adult then they'd go to prison. That's how the system works. I definitely would NOT want my kid to get away with it because then there's nothing to stop them from doing it again. That's why we have prisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we have an immediate example of what can happen if you bury your head in the sand and don't get your child any qualified help: you end up with a Josh Duggar. There's a decent chance he'd still be a pedophile because some people just are and there's not much to be done about it, but who knows? And who knows what other things he's done in the last 20 years that no one has found out yet?

I hope to never find myself in this situation, but if I thought there was a chance it could be true, lawyer and therapist. Not necessarily in that order.

Nope. Not even partially correct. No child is born a pedophile and there is no pedophile DNA. Pedophiles are created by their environment.

If Josh Duggar is a pedophile then his parents and his upbringing have a large contribution to that. He has the final control, certainly, because otherwise we could all be doing the unthinkable but his parents and upbringing certainly contributed to what he has become.

Citation needed. This article disagrees: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/29/us/pedophiles-online-sex-abuse.html#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThe%20biological%20clues%20attached%20to,of%20development%20in%20the%20womb.%E2%80%9D

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is shocking. I have three boys. I would want to know the truth. I would want my child to get therapy immediately. I would want my child to have accountability for his actions. Aren't these steps the only way the child has a chance at becoming a decent adult???

If the accusations are not true, that is a completely different question, and not a difficult one for anyone to answer, but OP never said they are not true.

accountability is a stent in prison and a ruined future

Maybe -- if the assualt happened when the assaulter was an adult. If it happened when they were a child -- as PP has said -- then no, not even close. And yeah, if my kid sexually assaulted someone as an adult then they'd go to prison. That's how the system works. I definitely would NOT want my kid to get away with it because then there's nothing to stop them from doing it again. That's why we have prisions.

Sure, they go to Youth Services (if you are in DC), which is prison for minors. That kills any chance of college and their future is all but predetermined

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have public defenders and sex assault investigators in my family.

1. I would get my son a therapist.
2. I would consult a lawyer (my sex assault investigator family member always talked about lawyer who thought they could handle their own kids cases and they always blow it. If this is not you specialty you are a parent not a lawyer.)
3. I would find out exactly what happened. Your kid needs to tell exactly what happened so the lawyer can help you.
4. I would advise my son of his right. He should know not to talk to a cop ever. Just say ... am I being detained? If not leave. Am I under arrest? If not leave. If they won’t let him leave only say “ I can’t talk to you without my lawyer” if he’s a minor say “I can’t talk to you without my parent”

Everybody has the right to accost investigation.
Nibody should be compelled to provide evidence against the self.

Cops are Liars and generally really, really stupid so they will try a fake case and that is the sad reality.

I would move him to a private school if she is in his school.

What would be the motivation to lie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have public defenders and sex assault investigators in my family.

1. I would get my son a therapist.
2. I would consult a lawyer (my sex assault investigator family member always talked about lawyer who thought they could handle their own kids cases and they always blow it. If this is not you specialty you are a parent not a lawyer.)
3. I would find out exactly what happened. Your kid needs to tell exactly what happened so the lawyer can help you.
4. I would advise my son of his right. He should know not to talk to a cop ever. Just say ... am I being detained? If not leave. Am I under arrest? If not leave. If they won’t let him leave only say “ I can’t talk to you without my lawyer” if he’s a minor say “I can’t talk to you without my parent”

Everybody has the right to accost investigation.
Nibody should be compelled to provide evidence against the self.

Cops are Liars and generally really, really stupid so they will try a fake case and that is the sad reality.

I would move him to a private school if she is in his school.

What would be the motivation to lie?

who knows, but if you work in criminial justice at all, it becomes very obvious that cops lie all the time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not much you can do but hire an attorney if anything comes of it.

This but since I’m already a lawyer I’d try to lock down/retrieve any of the evidence surrounding the accusation. Texts, social media messages/posts, etc. I’d be in full blown data preservation mode.

You would only want to do that if you were quite certain the evidence being preserved was favorable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if your son was accused of a sex assault that allegedly occurred several years ago?

As someone who has worked with rape survivors, I need moms of sons (I'm one myself) to know that men often think it is consensual when it's not. I have no idea how this disconnect happens. But it's common. They often text (and call) and say they had a great time. Can't wait to meet up again. Talk about the gifts they want to give them. Want them to meet their family. You name it.

It is SO CRITICAL to talk and talk to our sons about what explicit consent actually is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have public defenders and sex assault investigators in my family.

1. I would get my son a therapist.
2. I would consult a lawyer (my sex assault investigator family member always talked about lawyer who thought they could handle their own kids cases and they always blow it. If this is not you specialty you are a parent not a lawyer.)
3. I would find out exactly what happened. Your kid needs to tell exactly what happened so the lawyer can help you.
4. I would advise my son of his right. He should know not to talk to a cop ever. Just say ... am I being detained? If not leave. Am I under arrest? If not leave. If they won’t let him leave only say “ I can’t talk to you without my lawyer” if he’s a minor say “I can’t talk to you without my parent”

Everybody has the right to accost investigation.
Nibody should be compelled to provide evidence against the self.

Cops are Liars and generally really, really stupid so they will try a fake case and that is the sad reality.

I would move him to a private school if she is in his school.

What would be the motivation to lie?

who knows, but if you work in criminial justice at all, it becomes very obvious that cops lie all the time

I do work in criminal justice. And that has not been my experience. Particularly in sex assault crimes. It does happen occasionally with drug arrests. And the prosecutors know who's who when it comes to an officer's integrity as a witness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A three year old claim? Is that it? No witness, no corroborating texts like him apologizing or her asking him why he did it? No rape kit or police report? Just some girl coming out of the blue saying Timmy touched me without my permission?

I wouldn't do shit.

If she went to the police or filed a civil suit, I'd hire an attorney with experience pursuing libel and slander and rabidly go after her.

Unlikely a teenager has a money. You'd just be out a ton of money for the lawyers fees.

There is no sunset on a civil judgement award. If she were found guilty of slander at 16 and an award of $250,000 were decreed, she'd owe it until it was paid. It doesn't go away at 18.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it would matter to me if I thought it was true. It would also depend what the circumstances were.

For instance, guilty of assault could be punching a bully in the face at age 14. It could also be beating a 9 year old at age 17. The circumstances of the allegation matter. It also matters why it's coming up now. Does the victim want to pursue this? Or is some equally guilty party singing to save themselves now?

Also, is this out of character/is their an explanation I can live with or not?

I don't think there's any one size fits all answer to this question. The details matter a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A three year old claim? Is that it? No witness, no corroborating texts like him apologizing or her asking him why he did it? No rape kit or police report? Just some girl coming out of the blue saying Timmy touched me without my permission?

I wouldn't do shit.

If she went to the police or filed a civil suit, I'd hire an attorney with experience pursuing libel and slander and rabidly go after her.

Unlikely a teenager has a money. You'd just be out a ton of money for the lawyers fees.

There is no sunset on a civil judgement award. If she were found guilty of slander at 16 and an award of $250,000 were decreed, she'd owe it until it was paid. It doesn't go away at 18.

20 years in Virginia, 12 in Maryland. You better be sure your kid has no skeletons in your kids closet because discovery works in two ways