sister just told me about disturbing childhood events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I told her - she doesn’t get to toss it - and run- I’m sorry it happened, But her dropping something like that -in a text - after I said I would be taking space -is also problematic given the history of manipulation that has occurred between us...

I also told her the last thing I wanted to do was shut down a conversation but it was too painful to be so resented. Which I said and then she sent that text- what???

You're not reallly in any place to tell her, a victim of molestation, what she gets to do or not do. Have some compassion for your sister. That you can see her write something like that and criticize her mode of delivery rather than take in the substance and deal with that is telling about the role you have played in the relationship and why she feels she doesn't have a good bond with you, and might not want to deal with telling you in person. In short, try to be a better sister. That means work on yourself rather than criticizing your sis (especially over stuff she could not control, and the effects it had on her).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.

LOL. I hate that I know which thread the PP was trying to post in. Here it is, for anyone interested:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/90/948981.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I told her - she doesn’t get to toss it - and run- I’m sorry it happened, But her dropping something like that -in a text - after I said I would be taking space -is also problematic given the history of manipulation that has occurred between us...

I also told her the last thing I wanted to do was shut down a conversation but it was too painful to be so resented. Which I said and then she sent that text- what???

You're not reallly in any place to tell her, a victim of molestation, what she gets to do or not do. Have some compassion for your sister. That you can see her write something like that and criticize her mode of delivery rather than take in the substance and deal with that is telling about the role you have played in the relationship and why she feels she doesn't have a good bond with you, and might not want to deal with telling you in person. In short, try to be a better sister. That means work on yourself rather than criticizing your sis (especially over stuff she could not control, and the effects it had on her).

Ah, I see that I missed the part about OP writing the original post from her sister's POV. Okay. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP I would say only "If we never talk again I just want to be sure you never leave your kids alone with him. I have already been a black sheep for the way I have dealt with the trauma and so I am not willing to share further. Hate me or don't believe me if you want, but don't leave your kids alone with him and mom- because mom knew too and she refused to help me and now refuses to remember it".

I might be pissed if I were your sis but I would believe it- and even if I didn't- I would never leave my kids alone with them- which is your goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.

🤣🤣🤣

Yeah, she's clearly posting in the wrong forum.... and the wrong planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I would say only "If we never talk again I just want to be sure you never leave your kids alone with him. I have already been a black sheep for the way I have dealt with the trauma and so I am not willing to share further. Hate me or don't believe me if you want, but don't leave your kids alone with him and mom- because mom knew too and she refused to help me and now refuses to remember it".

I might be pissed if I were your sis but I would believe it- and even if I didn't- I would never leave my kids alone with them- which is your goal.

Yes, this. Please OP say something this direct to your sister. I know it’s difficult to talk about but for the sake of her kids please say something along these lines.

[Anonymous]

thanks- j has assumed saying something weird with stepdad was sufficient. ugh.

[Anonymous]

specifically i said
x was… weird with me… on at least one occasion and probably more. When I raised it with Mom, she pushed it down. At least twice. The latter is a big bomb I know and I only really ever intended to tell you if I suspected the same with you and/or you had girls... please keep an eye on Y

that’s it

[Anonymous]

It's a good thing she's no longer speaking to you, you have ZERO sympathy for someone your father abused? GROSS. You are a terrible piece of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UPDATE Im the OP, but I am actually the sister - the stepdaughter.. I really needed to hear what was above to know an “objective take” although I tried to stick as closely to her literal quotes (“what? No you don’t get to throw this and run.” Etc) I don’t know if she would keep repeating them in a convo like this online... she really isn’t a monster

there was some sexual weirdness from my stepdad. I was not raped or sexually abused on a regular basis thank god, but The first time it happened I went ballistic but my mother didn’t want to deal with it; I honestly think she did the best she could but in her case that meant denial.I even brought it up years later and she forgot and seemed to genuinely not know what I meant (maybe - although she does that sort of thing a lot)

I am not sure of why I lobbed it out there to her/ but I was surprised maybe at her response? - it felt like I just needed it out there with her and it wouldn’t hurt as much (plus I am worried about my nieces or nephews and think she should know) and I felt like I needed to wash my hands of that responsibility - although if she doesn’t believe me - well I don’t know if she believes me or not but I guess I can’t do anything right now (right?) I don’t WANT at all to talk about this woth her - when she said she hoped we would one day I felt totally freaked out. I only told my therapist very recently- There was part of me that suspected She might not believe me

What does sexual weirdness mean, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:specifically i said
x was… weird with me… on at least one occasion and probably more. When I raised it with Mom, she pushed it down. At least twice. The latter is a big bomb I know and I only really ever intended to tell you if I suspected the same with you and/or you had girls... please keep an eye on Y

that’s it

OP, as a victim of abuse, I’m just going to say that “weird” is manipulative if you’re hoping to serve a warning, especially when your sister is saying she no longer wants contact.

I’m not saying your SF wasn’t weird. But weird isn’t a warning, or a crime. I know you don’t want to spill details here, but did you specify IRL?

PLEASE, find therapeutic help. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think your sister was right when she said you are a manipulator. Hell, you're doing it to us. I don't know what to believe and what not to believe at this point, so I am going to stop reading.

[Anonymous]

yikes, okay. no— i am not spilling details here. do you really think the best thing to do would have been to say nothing? or is the objection the word weird? and that i should have spelled it out? my main hope was for her to know beyond i appropriate things occurred and to take care of her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I think your sister was right when she said you are a manipulator. Hell, you're doing it to us. I don't know what to believe and what not to believe at this point, so I am going to stop reading.

+1 OP is playing a lot of games. It sounds like there was inappropriate behavior but she could also be manipulated by a bad therapist. You either tell your sister or move on. Stop with the games.