sister just told me about disturbing childhood events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, wait, I didn't read the last few pages, but did dcum turn on OP?
Now that we found out she is the victim, dcum is now tearing OP apart?
Tipisk!

That is exactly what happened. People think she is manipulative because she lied here and because she wasn’t specific about the allegations.

There's more to it than that, such as adding and changing details, making excuses and justifications why it's ok to drop a deliberately vague bomb and not follow up with information which could help her nieces and nephews. Blaming sister, who has been blindsided for their sibling issues. If it weren't so frowned upon here on dcum, I'd call troll.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it was not done in an ideal manner and ideally OP should have told her sister differently. The script was a good one. But geeez- she is literally speaking about sexual abuse and with a family member who hasn’t believed her. So maybe not blaming the victim.

This thread may be what finally does DCUM in for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it was not done in an ideal manner and ideally OP should have told her sister differently. The script was a good one. But geeez- she is literally speaking about sexual abuse and with a family member who hasn’t believed her. So maybe not blaming the victim.

This thread may be what finally does DCUM in for me.

Wouldn't you want op to protect the children of the family by disclosing to her sister the facts. I couldn't live with myself if a child was harmed and I had withheld information which could have protected them. Part of the cycle of abuse is silence, which facilitates the abuse to continue on unchecked. That's not victim blaming. If op had said nothing at all, that would make more sense than what she did, which was to drop vague accusations and then essentially run away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to believe. I do think it's strange that she says this by text, after I told her I am done talking to her, and she's always been manipulative, and even by her own admission she thinks she gets to throw a bomb and then run away.
I have felt resented by her my whole life.

Perhaps because your dad physically abused, molested or raped her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it was not done in an ideal manner and ideally OP should have told her sister differently. The script was a good one. But geeez- she is literally speaking about sexual abuse and with a family member who hasn’t believed her. So maybe not blaming the victim.

This thread may be what finally does DCUM in for me.

Wouldn't you want op to protect the children of the family by disclosing to her sister the facts. I couldn't live with myself if a child was harmed and I had withheld information which could have protected them. Part of the cycle of abuse is silence, which facilitates the abuse to continue on unchecked. That's not victim blaming. If op had said nothing at all, that would make more sense than what she did, which was to drop vague accusations and then essentially run away.

Please be quiet. You don't get to tell someone else how to feel, act or share their trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it was not done in an ideal manner and ideally OP should have told her sister differently. The script was a good one. But geeez- she is literally speaking about sexual abuse and with a family member who hasn’t believed her. So maybe not blaming the victim.

This thread may be what finally does DCUM in for me.

Wouldn't you want op to protect the children of the family by disclosing to her sister the facts. I couldn't live with myself if a child was harmed and I had withheld information which could have protected them. Part of the cycle of abuse is silence, which facilitates the abuse to continue on unchecked. That's not victim blaming. If op had said nothing at all, that would make more sense than what she did, which was to drop vague accusations and then essentially run away.

Please be quiet. You don't get to tell someone else how to feel, act or share their trauma.

She👏🏼brought👏🏼it👏🏼up! To her sister, who has kids! If she didn't want to speak of it, she shouldn't've said sh1t!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it was not done in an ideal manner and ideally OP should have told her sister differently. The script was a good one. But geeez- she is literally speaking about sexual abuse and with a family member who hasn’t believed her. So maybe not blaming the victim.

This thread may be what finally does DCUM in for me.

Wouldn't you want op to protect the children of the family by disclosing to her sister the facts. I couldn't live with myself if a child was harmed and I had withheld information which could have protected them. Part of the cycle of abuse is silence, which facilitates the abuse to continue on unchecked. That's not victim blaming. If op had said nothing at all, that would make more sense than what she did, which was to drop vague accusations and then essentially run away.

Please be quiet. You don't get to tell someone else how to feel, act or share their trauma.

She👏🏼brought👏🏼it👏🏼up! To her sister, who has kids! If she didn't want to speak of it, she shouldn't've said sh1t!

you are right. the abuses owe it to everyone else to share details in a way that is convenient for everyone else. all or nothing. since she didn’t do all she should have done nothing. really??

[Anonymous]

Yes. Absolutely agree with PP who is defending OP. For heaven's sake she is trying to protect her sister's kids, even though her sister doesn't seem to like her, and she has suffered trauma. She is TRYING for Pete's sake. Give her a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, wait, I didn't read the last few pages, but did dcum turn on OP?
Now that we found out she is the victim, dcum is now tearing OP apart?
Tipisk!

That is exactly what happened. People think she is manipulative because she lied here and because she wasn’t specific about the allegations.

There's more to it than that, such as adding and changing details, making excuses and justifications why it's ok to drop a deliberately vague bomb and not follow up with information which could help her nieces and nephews. Blaming sister, who has been blindsided for their sibling issues. If it weren't so frowned upon here on dcum, I'd call troll.

There is nothing more than that. Dcum is not the judge and the jury. She needs no excuses and justifications for "dropping" the bomb. You are blaming the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it was not done in an ideal manner and ideally OP should have told her sister differently. The script was a good one. But geeez- she is literally speaking about sexual abuse and with a family member who hasn’t believed her. So maybe not blaming the victim.

This thread may be what finally does DCUM in for me.

Wouldn't you want op to protect the children of the family by disclosing to her sister the facts. I couldn't live with myself if a child was harmed and I had withheld information which could have protected them. Part of the cycle of abuse is silence, which facilitates the abuse to continue on unchecked. That's not victim blaming. If op had said nothing at all, that would make more sense than what she did, which was to drop vague accusations and then essentially run away.

I’m so confused by what you’re saying. I would want to know if anyone in my child’s orbit had been sexually abusive towards a child. That’s all I would need to know. What possible difference could it make if we’re talking about rape vs. Fondling vs. Grooming vs. Exposing himself type of behaviors? Like if the sister said that stepdad had only spoken to her about sexual things when she was a child, would that make you OK with him being along with your kids vs. If he had raped her? The details don’t matter. He crossed the line with a child. I don’t need to know how far over the line he went to know he wouldn’t be around my children, and sure as heck not alone with them, EVER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it was not done in an ideal manner and ideally OP should have told her sister differently. The script was a good one. But geeez- she is literally speaking about sexual abuse and with a family member who hasn’t believed her. So maybe not blaming the victim.

This thread may be what finally does DCUM in for me.

Wouldn't you want op to protect the children of the family by disclosing to her sister the facts. I couldn't live with myself if a child was harmed and I had withheld information which could have protected them. Part of the cycle of abuse is silence, which facilitates the abuse to continue on unchecked. That's not victim blaming. If op had said nothing at all, that would make more sense than what she did, which was to drop vague accusations and then essentially run away.

I’m so confused by what you’re saying. I would want to know if anyone in my child’s orbit had been sexually abusive towards a child. That’s all I would need to know. What possible difference could it make if we’re talking about rape vs. Fondling vs. Grooming vs. Exposing himself type of behaviors? Like if the sister said that stepdad had only spoken to her about sexual things when she was a child, would that make you OK with him being along with your kids vs. If he had raped her? The details don’t matter. He crossed the line with a child. I don’t need to know how far over the line he went to know he wouldn’t be around my children, and sure as heck not alone with them, EVER.

The OP's sister knows the OP is manipulative-- why should the non-abused sister believe the "abused" sister? Especially when the story is so vague?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would say only "If we never talk again I just want to be sure you never leave your kids alone with him. I have already been a black sheep for the way I have dealt with the trauma and so I am not willing to share further. Hate me or don't believe me if you want, but don't leave your kids alone with him and mom- because mom knew too and she refused to help me and now refuses to remember it".

I might be pissed if I were your sis but I would believe it- and even if I didn't- I would never leave my kids alone with them- which is your goal.

Yes, this. Please OP say something this direct to your sister. I know it’s difficult to talk about but for the sake of her kids please say something along these lines.

OP here- thank you, this is helpful. i was hoping to avoid being so explicit but i see the point

Op, I’m sorry people were being so toxic. I hope you can continue to heal.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe it's true. How old are her sister's kids? How long have you been hiding this only to conveniently reveal it when you decide to no longer speak to your family?

Nah. This is a game. I know manipulative people and this is what they do. I bet step Dad hugged her. Or step Dad stood up to her as a teenager so out came this lie to again, manipulate the family.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I haven’t read all the responses but this is why women don’t speak up. I’m a survivor too, I’ve disclosed to people and had negative responses and so so responses and it really sucks to deal with this on top of the trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I haven’t read all the responses but this is why women don’t speak up. I’m a survivor too, I’ve disclosed to people and had negative responses and so so responses and it really sucks to deal with this on top of the trauma.

+1. Same here.