sister just told me about disturbing childhood events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yikes, okay. no— i am not spilling details here. do you really think the best thing to do would have been to say nothing? or is the objection the word weird? and that i should have spelled it out? my main hope was for her to know beyond i appropriate things occurred and to take care of her kid.

Except you aren't telling her that, you are playing games to where its hard to take you seriously even if it did happen.

[Anonymous]

and god i was not trying to be manipulative when telling my sister about sexual abuse - i don’t even know toward what end i would have been trying to manipulate, at least not consciously. basically i don’t know if we’re speaking again, have zero desire to discuss my past with her in detail and i wanted her to know to protect her kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would say only "If we never talk again I just want to be sure you never leave your kids alone with him. I have already been a black sheep for the way I have dealt with the trauma and so I am not willing to share further. Hate me or don't believe me if you want, but don't leave your kids alone with him and mom- because mom knew too and she refused to help me and now refuses to remember it".

I might be pissed if I were your sis but I would believe it- and even if I didn't- I would never leave my kids alone with them- which is your goal.

Yes, this. Please OP say something this direct to your sister. I know it’s difficult to talk about but for the sake of her kids please say something along these lines.

OP here- thank you, this is helpful. i was hoping to avoid being so explicit but i see the point

[Anonymous]

You are a psycho manipulator. I hope your sister stays away from you. You are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and god i was not trying to be manipulative when telling my sister about sexual abuse - i don’t even know toward what end i would have been trying to manipulate, at least not consciously. basically i don’t know if we’re speaking again, have zero desire to discuss my past with her in detail and i wanted her to know to protect her kids...

It would be to manipulate her to continue to engage with you to get more details.

Or to manipulate the family to blow up in drama now that you aren't a part of it.

Lots of motivations to be had.

[Anonymous]

okay - unless those were really subconscious motivations, those were not at all my intention. i have zero need to be in contact with my sister right now - actually the opposite now that she knows this (i was trying to take advantage of the fact that i wouldn’t need to talk about iit) and my parents seem happy together and i have struggled literally for years about how being the “problem child” could blow everything up.

any way this has all been really hard and the idea that someone surfaces trauma for the purpose of being mean to other people seems crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I think your sister was right when she said you are a manipulator. Hell, you're doing it to us. I don't know what to believe and what not to believe at this point, so I am going to stop reading.

+1 OP is playing a lot of games. It sounds like there was inappropriate behavior but she could also be manipulated by a bad therapist. You either tell your sister or move on. Stop with the games.

You have been through trauma, OP. Make sure your therapist is good and keep seeing them. Don’t worry about your sister and her kids right now. Your text to her was confusing, but it’s best to just leave that be and focus on healing. At some point, you might share with your therapist what you texted to your sister and talk about whether there’s truth to the idea that you’re sometimes “manipulative” and if that’s served you well in the past but perhaps could be a behavior you move away from now that you’re getting healthier.

[Anonymous]

I can see why people don't beleive you.

[Anonymous]

OP, please ignore the negative voices on here. If they haven't been through it, they don't understand. Please just put them out of you mind and don't let them make you feel bad about yourself.

And -- more people should be saying this -- good for you for being a better person and trying to help protect your sister's kids from something similar happening to them, even though your relationship is strained and this is causing you additional personal angst. You could have sat back and let whatever happen, happen. But you cared enough to put yourself out there and deal with your sister's anger and other feelings as a result. You're a good egg. Thanks for trying to make a positive difference.

[Anonymous]

So, wait, I didn't read the last few pages, but did dcum turn on OP?
Now that we found out she is the victim, dcum is now tearing OP apart?
Tipisk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yikes, okay. no— i am not spilling details here. do you really think the best thing to do would have been to say nothing? or is the objection the word weird? and that i should have spelled it out? my main hope was for her to know beyond i appropriate things occurred and to take care of her kid.

Except you aren't telling her that, you are playing games to where its hard to take you seriously even if it did happen.

Also, imagine the worry and stress sister is going through. She has *NO IDEA* wtf your sf did to you. How can she possibly know what to look out for? She must be going back and forth between worst case scenario and denial. Help her by telling her the actual facts. She can then make an informed decision and you can be assured you did EVERYTHING you could to protect your nieces and nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:okay - unless those were really subconscious motivations, those were not at all my intention. i have zero need to be in contact with my sister right now - actually the opposite now that she knows this (i was trying to take advantage of the fact that i wouldn’t need to talk about iit) and my parents seem happy together and i have struggled literally for years about how being the “problem child” could blow everything up.

any way this has all been really hard and the idea that someone surfaces trauma for the purpose of being mean to other people seems crazy.

But that's exactly what you did. You claimed to cease all communication with your sister and sign off with abuse allegations because you were wishing her well?

No, be real, you were doing it to hurt people. 100% own it OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and god i was not trying to be manipulative when telling my sister about sexual abuse - i don’t even know toward what end i would have been trying to manipulate, at least not consciously. basically i don’t know if we’re speaking again, have zero desire to discuss my past with her in detail and i wanted her to know to protect her kids...

It would be to manipulate her to continue to engage with you to get more details.

Or to manipulate the family to blow up in drama now that you aren't a part of it.

Lots of motivations to be had.

Narcissistic personality disorder. Op you are being toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, wait, I didn't read the last few pages, but did dcum turn on OP?
Now that we found out she is the victim, dcum is now tearing OP apart?
Tipisk!

That is exactly what happened. People think she is manipulative because she lied here and because she wasn’t specific about the allegations.

[Anonymous]

You aren't telling her and creating drama.

Telling her is: Hey half sister. I know you had different childhood experiences than I did but I'm a bit concerned about you leaving Larlo with your Dad. I know its he said/she said but this is what I experienced - touching my XX, and be completely factual.