Husband making comments about my dad's will

[Anonymous]

*of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow so many greedy and entitled children here.

+1

Exactly.

Not really. As a wife and mom, I wouldn't want DH to remarry as I did not spend my life building wealth for another woman to enjoy. It's for my kids to enjoy once we are gone.

But you are DEAD control freak. Nothing wrong with OP’s dad looking for a partner to share his life. He could live another 20-30 years.

He can be happy alone. My MIL was widowed at 52. She is 76 now. Has not been on a single date. That's classy. She has hobbies etc.

You don't get to decide how another adult chooses to be happy. You don't even get an ounce of input.

If you want to protect the money, write up a will that ensures it goes to the kids.

I can have opinions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is right.

You can be happy for your dad and support him but don't be naive.

Naïve about what though? It is his money, his decision. If he wants to change his will, I respect that. I just don't see myself as having a "right" here, or the right to tell him what to do with money he earned. My dad is smart enough to already have a will set up. He updated everything after my mother died. What more do you recommend?

I would not bring it up, OP. Sounds like you are ok with things, and he’s updated his will. If he changes it after he’s married, that’s his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow so many greedy and entitled children here.

+1

Exactly.

Not really. As a wife and mom, I wouldn't want DH to remarry as I did not spend my life building wealth for another woman to enjoy. It's for my kids to enjoy once we are gone.

But you are DEAD control freak. Nothing wrong with OP’s dad looking for a partner to share his life. He could live another 20-30 years.

He can be happy alone. My MIL was widowed at 52. She is 76 now. Has not been on a single date. That's classy. She has hobbies etc.

You don't get to decide how another adult chooses to be happy. You don't even get an ounce of input.

If you want to protect the money, write up a will that ensures it goes to the kids.

I can have opinions

Completely useless opinions... sad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This dad is putting his sexual needs ahead if his children. I just cannot.

Not everything is about sex, pervert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people that feel entitled to money they didn't earn? I'm shocked to see all these greedy responses. If my parents decide they want to set all their money on fire before they pass, it's their prerogative.

You're all adults. Make your own money and stop hovering over your aging parents like vultures.

This isn’t the issue. I make more in a year than my parents made their entire lives. And if my DW were to pass before me, and I’m rounding 70 and decide to marry a woman 10 years younger to keep my d wet, shifting all or a good chunk of that wealth to Wife #2 and her kids/grandkids—at the expense of my own, who happen to be the sole offspring of my dead wife who raised the family—I would be an absolute scumbag. Or, at a minimum, an old dolt who allowed his heirs to be robbed of millions because I needed “companionship” (which I note is readily available without actually remarrying).

I like you

NP +1

OP, ask for whatever you want from your mom now, and get possession of it. When your dad passes, you’re not getting any of it, despite what he may promise now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people that feel entitled to money they didn't earn? I'm shocked to see all these greedy responses. If my parents decide they want to set all their money on fire before they pass, it's their prerogative.

You're all adults. Make your own money and stop hovering over your aging parents like vultures.

My mom has given us money now because she likes to see us enjoy it so I am not expecting anything upon her death. But don't discount the other posters, they bring up valid points. Even if you don't care about the money, would you really be fine with potentially greedy strangers - new spouse's kids- ending up with it and trashing photos because they don't know who they are?

My family's valuable family photos were scanned many years ago so we have soft copies. I doubt I'm alone in this.

Would I really be fine with another family getting this money? I mean, it's not MY money. I'm not entitled to it. And if some woman decides she wants to spend the last decade of her life taking care of my aging parent and bringing him some joy after being a caregiver and a widower, I think she's entitled to something.

(And before DCUM accuses me of being a gold-digging second wife to an old man, I'm a 40 year old with a husband I met in college, and he is a little bit younger).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This dad is putting his sexual needs ahead if his children. I just cannot.

Not everything is about sex, pervert.

It is to the dad.
He is the pervert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This dad is putting his sexual needs ahead if his children. I just cannot.

Not everything is about sex, pervert.

It is to the dad.
He is the pervert.

No I meant first pp. maybe it was you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the rush to marry? Wait for vaccine and celebrate with people in six months.

Your husband could have been kinder, but a newly widowed person getting married within a year during a pandemic sets off red flags.

If she was well known to family, makes sense. Is she a new person in his life?

Yeah your husband isn't being sensitive or tactful but there aren't many benefits to marrying later in life. For medicaid eligibility it can help to be single. Many people want to protect assets for their kids and so don't remarry to facilitate keeping separate finances. Especially if a lot of the wealth was from your mom and now your dad's new wife will inherit it, that may not be what she would have wanted. But that said, there isn't much you can do except hope his new wife is marrying him for the right reasons.

[Anonymous]

When it all goes to her, then she leaves it to her kids, don’t expect sympathy from your husband.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are comfortable that there is nothing physically in your father’s possession that you might ever want (jewelry, photos, letters, family memorabilia, heirlooms, paperwork, family histories, etc.) and are comfortable that you might not get any of his or your mother’s money, then I think you are in the clear to tell your husband thank you for your concern, but I’m fine with how it could turn out.

The only thing I might bring up to your Dad is any final wishes for his burial/cremation. Make sure you have a way to carry those out.

You seem like a good person.

[Anonymous]

This is what would anger me — your father’s estate eventually passing to your stepmother’s children. Especially if you have children (your father’s grandchildren). And your new stepsiblings will probably one day inherit from their own father as well as YOUR father. Now that’s being greedy IMHO.

[Anonymous]

I think your DH is right to be concerned. Would your mom have wanted her money (it was hers too, right?) to go to her kids, or a new woman and her kids? You may not have liked how he communicated it, but I think his concern is valid. I know you want your dad to be happy but I think you're turning a blind eye to what's obvious to outsiders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's being insensitive, but he's right about the will. Unless she's signed a prenup, she'll likely be entitled to at least 50% of his assets, as well as all of his retirement accounts. So if you were counting on that, forget about it.

Yes, just because husband is being a jerk about it, doesn't mean he's entirely wrong. It is a concern. And it can be awkward AF to discuss, and you can state that up front. If there are currently understandings in place about inheritance (whatever that may be), then now is a very good time to bring it up and say "hey, I would like to have this discussion now, so we are all on the same page. Before mom died, I understood that you were planning to do X and Y – is that something that is going to change?" But this is your conversation to have with your father. And if you genuinely don't care (and won't in the future) then you don't have to do anything.

I would not have this conversation. Your mother chose to leave everything to your father. That was her choice. And he will now choose what to do with it. I wouldn't put emotional pressure on him like this.

Absolutely disagree. It's a worthwhile conversation to have. And the dad will know that if he has effectively disinherited his children, he shouldn't expect a lot of financial help or other material assistance. I also don't put it past a lot of men to just not grasp the situation. They just think "Oh well, my kids will be protected" without actually bothering to take any steps to effectuate that.

Am I understanding you correctly PP that you would only care for an elderly parent if you were promised an inheritance? (Your parents utterly failed if so.)