Husband making comments about my dad's will

[Anonymous]

Agree with many previous posters. Men that age remarry for someone to do their cooking, cleaning, health, taking care of them and the house.

Women that age avoid remarrying since they’re sick of doing that thankless role yet again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is an a-hole. No one should every expect an inheritance, and especially not from their father-in-law.

Yeah, right on. It should go to the other lady’s adult kids and grandkids! Well played them! Got 40 years of double income and wealth for a Retirement Marriage of 10+ years!

[Anonymous]

This makes me want to go redo my will right now to go 50% husband, 25% kid 1 and 25% kid 2. And POA to someone younger and healthier, like Kid 1z

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't willing to have any conversation about money ok, but as a PSA it is really a gift to know what the elderly parent's preferences are for end of life decisions, funeral and burial, if burial applies. So much easier to ask when everyone is healthy and not have to deal with these hard question under stress. This goes double if there are multiple children or remarriage.

Funny that OP may not be "ready" ... I assure you the new wife won't be bashful on getting to work rewriting that will. OP, it is impossible for you to know what your dad is up to 365 days a year and health can change quickly, giving ample opportunity to even a currently sound of mind man to leave you high and dry when he takes a turn for the worse or randomly croaks. I have witnessed this. Once the new woman has her claws in an old man, she will coerce and exploit him. The new wife has zero allegiance or loyalty to you and your siblings. Zero. I'm not even describing some lifelong conniving battle axe, it's just human nature for a women to set herself up. She couldn't care less about you. In fact, the new wife will begin rationalizing what she's ENTITLED to over the absent kids.

[Anonymous]

We’re out of pocket $20K for FIL’s funeral expenses, paying the mortgage, etc. His wife is in a memory care unit and we’ll be luck to recoup what we’ve spent once the house finally sells because dumbass made her the life insurance beneficiary and no way are her kids handing over any money from it.

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty awkward that your 68 yo father hasn’t brought this up to you and your siblings (if u have any), already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha! You’ll be on here in a couple of decades bereft over the lose of your father and how all of the wealth accumulated during your parents’ marriage is ending up in the hands of the new wife’s children. Then you’ll be complaining about how you can’t even get sentimental pieces your mother owned out of the hands of your widowed “step-mom.”

Happens every damn day. It’s a good thing you don’t seem to care!

THIS
THIS
THIS

You husband was a bit crude in his presentation BUT he is not wrong. Happened to my relatives.
No one wants to think that their parent would be taken advantage of, but unfortunately it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha! You’ll be on here in a couple of decades bereft over the lose of your father and how all of the wealth accumulated during your parents’ marriage is ending up in the hands of the new wife’s children. Then you’ll be complaining about how you can’t even get sentimental pieces your mother owned out of the hands of your widowed “step-mom.”

Happens every damn day. It’s a good thing you don’t seem to care!

Yep!

+1

If dad dies first, all your mom’s stuff will belong to the new wife and her kids unless the will states otherwise.

If I don’t die first, I will not remarry for this reason. I’ll live with someone, but I’m not having any chance of my money going to any kids beyond my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with many previous posters. Men that age remarry for someone to do their cooking, cleaning, health, taking care of them and the house.

Women that age avoid remarrying since they’re sick of doing that thankless role yet again.

1000%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my mother last year after she battled cancer for several years, and this year my father decided to remarry. We are all happy for him. My mother's family has also given their blessings. My husband made a comment initially about "rebound" and told me to tell my dad to take it slow. I took his concerns seriously and talked to my dad. My dad felt that he had made a well thought out decision in the right frame of mind and felt good about moving forward. I told him I supported him.

When I mentioned this conversation with my husband, to my surprise, he didn't seem to agree with me. He said, parents are like kids sometimes, you just have to tell them what to do. This is not the relationship I have with my father.

A few days ago I told my husband the date for the wedding (we will watch on zoom). He asked me if I had talked to my father about his will. Would his new wife be the beneficiary? What about her kids from a previous marriage? My response to my husband was that if there is a change to my dad's will he would let me know but I am not going to ask.

Now I feel my husband has been playing a game all along. This is very hurtful and petty. To add to it all, the other day my husband asked me with a smirk how old my new step mother is and whether she is that much older than us. (she is 58, my dad is 68). I just said, "I don't know, I have not asked."

My father spent years caring for my ailing mother. Waking up nights with her, taking her to the hospital for her treatments. He deserves this and so much more. It is shocking to see my husband behave like this.

You and your dad sound great. He deserves his happiness. He spent years caring for your mom, so he's probably not going to make a foolish mistake and change his will to leave you with little to nothing. BUT. I've seen very smart, rational and very sensible men make foolish financial decisions after they fell head over heels for certain women.

We can't tell if the dad will have a marriage that lasts decades or just a few years. But if it only lasts a few years or he passes in a decade and leaves everything to the wife, don't post to DCUM about how upset you are about what ended up in his will.


Personally, I'm in the camp that kids shouldn't expect an inheritance, that it's just bonus if it happens. I want my parents to spend down the about $3-4 millions they have to enjoy the next 10-30 years they have left (they are 72 and 75). If there's something left over, great. If not, that's fine, I am not counting on any inheritance. So frankly, I wouldn't say anything to Dad in OP's position.

But I understand where the husband is coming from. OP's husband may be acting like a jersey but he thinks the dad might make foolish decisions and that OP will end up upset in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 68, he should calm his hormones. He doesn't need a wife. He is just horny. It is disgraceful to your mom's memory. He had his love. Now he should focus on being a grandpa.

Everything your mom worked for will go to this new wife and HER kids.

Are you 15 years old? No, the need for romance, companionship, and intimacy doesn't stop at 68. My God.

Seriously. A lot of young people typing out pronouncements about what they're going to do and not do when they are the "ancient" age of 68.

Ridiculous. I wish we had a time machine so we could go forward and see whether they really feel that their life is over (except for baby-sitting grandchildren) when they reach that age.

Not everyone is as sexed as you. My MIL was widowed at 52. She is 76 and has not been on a date since. My grandmother was also widowed at 52 and she lived until 95. She was not looking for d***.
It's not unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow so many greedy and entitled children here.

+1

Exactly.

Not really. As a wife and mom, I wouldn't want DH to remarry as I did not spend my life building wealth for another woman to enjoy. It's for my kids to enjoy once we are gone.

My MIL had the exact same sentiment. Many years ago, she found out she had cancer in January. She died in April. She literally told FIL on her death bed "Don't marry someone else because I don't want someone else to enjoy everything I worked so hard for." FIL was engaged by fall. FIL and his new wife have been married nearly 15 years now and (pre-covid) went on MANY nice vacations.

This makes me really sad. He was engaged 6 months later?? After living with someone for many years and burying that person it takes 6 months to move one, get in the relationship and even get engaged, that's it?? I don't mean everyone should become a monk or something, but 6 months?

[Anonymous]

They need someone to take care of them, cook, clean, and hang out. They are more than happy to pay for that all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me want to go redo my will right now to go 50% husband, 25% kid 1 and 25% kid 2. And POA to someone younger and healthier, like Kid 1z

I changed the beneficiaries on my 401k to my 2 kids. DH has 10x what I do in his 401k. He doesn't need mine.

[Anonymous]

I love my husband and I know he is devoted to our son, but from having seen so many men remarry shortly after their wives death, I am seriously considering getting a life insurance policy that goes solely into the trust for the benefit of my son.