Husband making comments about my dad's will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I posted here because I literally have no one else to talk to about this. I know for a fact that if I tell anyone in my family they will think less of my husband. No matter how I tell the story, showing concern about your family’s share in a living person’s will just isn’t a good look in my family. I can’t tell my dad - he has been through enough. I feel like I have eaten all my feelings and now they are eating me. Hence the attempt to unload. Thank you to everyone who offered compassion and balanced advise. Some of the posts were truly though provoking, even if I didn’t agree with them.

I have decided that asking my dad about his will goes against who I am - but I also understand from folks who have posted here that those are not everyone’s values. People have different perspectives on life - that’s how life works. I feel more accepting of my husband and how he might evaluate the situation. We are not the same person, and that’s ok.

You are either a troll or just someone verrryyyyy condescending. Seriously, people on here post all the time about talking to elderly parents about their finances. It is sometimes uncomfortable and awkward but a necessary part of life. Dying without a will can lead to all kinds of unnecessary complications.
It’s a part of caring for your parent to make it clear what their end of life financial AND medical wishes are. Unless someone has a history of trying to grab your daddy’s assets why would you assume the worst about your husband? Why would you assume that other people have ‘ different’ values because they know it is imperative to handle this aspect of life? Or that it is dictating what a grown man like your dad is supposed to do?
All you had to say to your husband was’ nope, did not discuss and I don’t feel comfortable doing so’, but I get why you asked’
But no, you make it about him being wrong and your are a much better person. Seriously, get over yourself.

I said people have different perspectives on life not that one perspective is better. I also didn’t say one set of values is better - some people may value being practical more others may value emotional aspects. A number of posts here pointed that out. I didn’t understand why it’s condescending to say what I said but agree to disagree. Again, thanks to posters who helped.

No, your entire tone is condescending. And the fact that you think people cannot value practicality and emotional aspects is telling. They are a myriad of ways that this conversation could be approached with one’s parents, none of which have to be unemotional or insensitive or infantalizing.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this was ever a true situation. Most families would be horrified if the father not only dated right after the mom died, but announced a wedding date.To boot, this is a FAMILY FRIEND! If it is true, a very dysfunctional family indeed. At least the husband has morals and values to recognize how rotten that is.

Probably didn't happen, no one wished them well yada yada yada!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

...

With regard to my father's new wife - she is a friend of the family. We have known her for a long time.

But in your first post you said:

Anonymous wrote:

To add to it all, the other day my husband asked me with a smirk how old my new step mother is and whether she is that much older than us. (she is 58, my dad is 68). I just said, "I don't know, I have not asked."

None of this makes sense.

Thank you. I don't know if this is a Troll or not. She was never a friend of the family if that's true, lol. You don't hit on your friends, nor marry them.

If your mother recently died last year then when the heck did they start dating OP? While your mother was still alive and sick?

Her husband I suspect is disgusted as most would be if all this is true. Yes maybe "dad" knew her a long time....

I am having trouble understanding your assumptions. I really like my new step mother. I have known her for a long time. She was divorced when I was a teenager and brought up her two boys on her own. Both boys are successful professionals now. My mother died mid-year last year. How long people date is varies and not to mention culturally dependent. Some people date for years and decide not to marry, some people date for 3 months and decide to tie the knot. I have seen both kinds of marriage succeed and fail.

I made the point in my original post that my mother's family have given their blessings. "Disgusted" is a strong word in any context, but especially in this one.

Mid last year would be July. So you're saying 7 mo. later a wedding date was announced????????????????????? Hmmm

Why are you calling her a step mother if they aren't married yet? Another mixing up of stories. The point isn't how long people date. Most people do wait about a year before dating out of respect for their spouse, children, and family. Apparently this was a friend of your mothers who betrayed her., if this all is to be believed.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why folks are saying make sure the will is in order. Like a will matters. Wills and trusts can and do get changed, then after he croaks the lawyer tells you the 2019 will you have is irrelevant to the 2021 will your dad signed after he remarried. And obviously the new wife can drain cash, investments, equity from real estate, on and on while he's still alive. Go ahead and duke it out after he dies, the lawyers on both sides will size up the estate and milk all parties.

[Anonymous]

If OP’s mom was sick a long time, she may have even encouraged her husband to find someone, you don’t know the story. Timelines are arbitrary, particularly considering his age. That’s not the point at all, OP has been open to suggestions regarding whether her husband is greedy or petty regarding the will. I think posters have shared some cautionary tales, and OP is free to disregard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 68, he should calm his hormones. He doesn't need a wife. He is just horny. It is disgraceful to your mom's memory. He had his love. Now he should focus on being a grandpa.

Everything your mom worked for will go to this new wife and HER kids.

Are you 15 years old? No, the need for romance, companionship, and intimacy doesn't stop at 68. My God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow so many greedy and entitled children here.

+1

Exactly.

Not really. As a wife and mom, I wouldn't want DH to remarry as I did not spend my life building wealth for another woman to enjoy. It's for my kids to enjoy once we are gone.

Unbelievably selfish and cruel attitude toward your husband. You must not love him much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I posted here because I literally have no one else to talk to about this. I know for a fact that if I tell anyone in my family they will think less of my husband. No matter how I tell the story, showing concern about your family’s share in a living person’s will just isn’t a good look in my family. I can’t tell my dad - he has been through enough. I feel like I have eaten all my feelings and now they are eating me. Hence the attempt to unload. Thank you to everyone who offered compassion and balanced advise. Some of the posts were truly though provoking, even if I didn’t agree with them.

I have decided that asking my dad about his will goes against who I am - but I also understand from folks who have posted here that those are not everyone’s values. People have different perspectives on life - that’s how life works. I feel more accepting of my husband and how he might evaluate the situation. We are not the same person, and that’s ok.

You are either a troll or just someone verrryyyyy condescending. Seriously, people on here post all the time about talking to elderly parents about their finances. It is sometimes uncomfortable and awkward but a necessary part of life. Dying without a will can lead to all kinds of unnecessary complications.
It’s a part of caring for your parent to make it clear what their end of life financial AND medical wishes are. Unless someone has a history of trying to grab your daddy’s assets why would you assume the worst about your husband? Why would you assume that other people have ‘ different’ values because they know it is imperative to handle this aspect of life? Or that it is dictating what a grown man like your dad is supposed to do?
All you had to say to your husband was’ nope, did not discuss and I don’t feel comfortable doing so’, but I get why you asked’
But no, you make it about him being wrong and your are a much better person. Seriously, get over yourself.

I said people have different perspectives on life not that one perspective is better. I also didn’t say one set of values is better - some people may value being practical more others may value emotional aspects. A number of posts here pointed that out. I didn’t understand why it’s condescending to say what I said but agree to disagree. Again, thanks to posters who helped.

No, your entire tone is condescending. And the fact that you think people cannot value practicality and emotional aspects is telling. They are a myriad of ways that this conversation could be approached with one’s parents, none of which have to be unemotional or insensitive or infantalizing.

OP was nicer than I would have been. Here, I'll say it - you are all just a bunch of greedy vultures. You don't care if your elderly parents are happy and content, you're just waiting to get that sweet money when they die. It's not "practicality", you're just greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I posted here because I literally have no one else to talk to about this. I know for a fact that if I tell anyone in my family they will think less of my husband. No matter how I tell the story, showing concern about your family’s share in a living person’s will just isn’t a good look in my family. I can’t tell my dad - he has been through enough. I feel like I have eaten all my feelings and now they are eating me. Hence the attempt to unload. Thank you to everyone who offered compassion and balanced advise. Some of the posts were truly though provoking, even if I didn’t agree with them.

I have decided that asking my dad about his will goes against who I am - but I also understand from folks who have posted here that those are not everyone’s values. People have different perspectives on life - that’s how life works. I feel more accepting of my husband and how he might evaluate the situation. We are not the same person, and that’s ok.

You are either a troll or just someone verrryyyyy condescending. Seriously, people on here post all the time about talking to elderly parents about their finances. It is sometimes uncomfortable and awkward but a necessary part of life. Dying without a will can lead to all kinds of unnecessary complications.
It’s a part of caring for your parent to make it clear what their end of life financial AND medical wishes are. Unless someone has a history of trying to grab your daddy’s assets why would you assume the worst about your husband? Why would you assume that other people have ‘ different’ values because they know it is imperative to handle this aspect of life? Or that it is dictating what a grown man like your dad is supposed to do?
All you had to say to your husband was’ nope, did not discuss and I don’t feel comfortable doing so’, but I get why you asked’
But no, you make it about him being wrong and your are a much better person. Seriously, get over yourself.

I said people have different perspectives on life not that one perspective is better. I also didn’t say one set of values is better - some people may value being practical more others may value emotional aspects. A number of posts here pointed that out. I didn’t understand why it’s condescending to say what I said but agree to disagree. Again, thanks to posters who helped.

No, your entire tone is condescending. And the fact that you think people cannot value practicality and emotional aspects is telling. They are a myriad of ways that this conversation could be approached with one’s parents, none of which have to be unemotional or insensitive or infantalizing.

OP was nicer than I would have been. Here, I'll say it - you are all just a bunch of greedy vultures. You don't care if your elderly parents are happy and content, you're just waiting to get that sweet money when they die. It's not "practicality", you're just greedy.

My parents have limited assets which they will likely use up in retirement, but you go off!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 68, he should calm his hormones. He doesn't need a wife. He is just horny. It is disgraceful to your mom's memory. He had his love. Now he should focus on being a grandpa.

Everything your mom worked for will go to this new wife and HER kids.

Are you 15 years old? No, the need for romance, companionship, and intimacy doesn't stop at 68. My God.

You dont need intimacy or romance as a senior citizen. Grow up.
Find hobbies, spend time with grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow so many greedy and entitled children here.

+1

Exactly.

Not really. As a wife and mom, I wouldn't want DH to remarry as I did not spend my life building wealth for another woman to enjoy. It's for my kids to enjoy once we are gone.

Unbelievably selfish and cruel attitude toward your husband. You must not love him much.

Our kids are more important than our need for sex. He can he happy without sex.

[Anonymous]

Also, I would never remarry. So, its easy for me to expect the same from DH.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are condescending. 7 months is WAY to soon. A family friend= that's disgusting.
I think you are too scared to talk to your dad. You try to act so cool and pollyanna.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that may matter is whether some of the money your dad now has comes from your mom's earnings or her family's money. If so, who would she want inheriting that money when your dad dies and is that how the will is set up?

After my mother’s death, her assets went to my father. My father’s will currently divides his assets 50/50 between the two children. If he wants to make a change to that, it’s up to him. I will wait for him to tell me so and respect his decision on what to do with his and my mother’s money. Again, I’m just not sure I have a right to my mother’s money or his money especially because my mother willed it to him.

You didn't answer the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I would never remarry. So, its easy for me to expect the same from DH.

You do know that men remarry at higher rates than women right?