Husband making comments about my dad's will

[Anonymous]

He's being insensitive, but he's right about the will. Unless she's signed a prenup, she'll likely be entitled to at least 50% of his assets, as well as all of his retirement accounts. So if you were counting on that, forget about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not wrong tho....to ask about the will.

As someone who is currently finalizing a parent’s estate he is not wrong. If he died first she would get everything.

[Anonymous]

He’s just looking out for you. What will most likely happen is that your dad will pass first and leave everything to your step mom. Then she will leave everything to her kids. Very common for dads kids to be shut out. Sounds like you are ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Your H is pretty disgusting. At best, he views people in a jaded way that does not speak well to his overall outlook on life. At worst, well, time will tell.

I would, however, ask him about mom's keepsakes before his wedding. Tangible things have a way of getting lost when households are combined. Often by sheer happenstance.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an a-hole. No one should every expect an inheritance, and especially not from their father-in-law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s just looking out for you. What will most likely happen is that your dad will pass first and leave everything to your step mom. Then she will leave everything to her kids. Very common for dads kids to be shut out. Sounds like you are ok with that.

It happened to me when my father remarried. I don't begrudge him his happiness, or her the money.

Greedy and envious is no way to go through life. If you want money, make it.

[Anonymous]

tell him that you expect nothing from your father's estate. I have family that is banking on something while I am taking care of my own finances so I don't have to worry about that.

It is your father's estate, he can donate it all to some charity or leave it all to the new wife. bottom line is your husband is looking for a payday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's being insensitive, but he's right about the will. Unless she's signed a prenup, she'll likely be entitled to at least 50% of his assets, as well as all of his retirement accounts. So if you were counting on that, forget about it.

Yes, just because husband is being a jerk about it, doesn't mean he's entirely wrong. It is a concern. And it can be awkward AF to discuss, and you can state that up front. If there are currently understandings in place about inheritance (whatever that may be), then now is a very good time to bring it up and say "hey, I would like to have this discussion now, so we are all on the same page. Before mom died, I understood that you were planning to do X and Y – is that something that is going to change?" But this is your conversation to have with your father. And if you genuinely don't care (and won't in the future) then you don't have to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s just looking out for you. What will most likely happen is that your dad will pass first and leave everything to your step mom. Then she will leave everything to her kids. Very common for dads kids to be shut out. Sounds like you are ok with that.

It happened to me when my father remarried. I don't begrudge him his happiness, or her the money.

Greedy and envious is no way to go through life. If you want money, make it.

This is the right way to look at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not wrong tho....to ask about the will.

If your dad remarries, I'd be prepared not to get any inheritance from him. And it there is anything of your mother's that she would have wanted you to have, or that is important to you, this is the time to ask for it. This new wife might be a blessing to your dad and the rest of the family, but there's also a chance that she will box up your family keepsakes and inherit them when your dad is gone.

Agreed. Before this marriage happens is when you all should get the engagement/wedding rings and other family heirlooms from your mom and dad's ancestors.

In my family when the dad remarried, he died before his new wife and she got everything. And on her death it all went to her kids. We weren't even interested in the money, but absolutely nothing came to us from either of our parents and that was a little shocking and upsetting.

[Anonymous]

What would your Mother have wanted to happen to her wealth? I am sure for her husband’s happiness but not for her own family to lose her wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's being insensitive, but he's right about the will. Unless she's signed a prenup, she'll likely be entitled to at least 50% of his assets, as well as all of his retirement accounts. So if you were counting on that, forget about it.

Yes, just because husband is being a jerk about it, doesn't mean he's entirely wrong. It is a concern. And it can be awkward AF to discuss, and you can state that up front. If there are currently understandings in place about inheritance (whatever that may be), then now is a very good time to bring it up and say "hey, I would like to have this discussion now, so we are all on the same page. Before mom died, I understood that you were planning to do X and Y – is that something that is going to change?" But this is your conversation to have with your father. And if you genuinely don't care (and won't in the future) then you don't have to do anything.

I would not have this conversation. Your mother chose to leave everything to your father. That was her choice. And he will now choose what to do with it. I wouldn't put emotional pressure on him like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's being insensitive, but he's right about the will. Unless she's signed a prenup, she'll likely be entitled to at least 50% of his assets, as well as all of his retirement accounts. So if you were counting on that, forget about it.

Yes, just because husband is being a jerk about it, doesn't mean he's entirely wrong. It is a concern. And it can be awkward AF to discuss, and you can state that up front. If there are currently understandings in place about inheritance (whatever that may be), then now is a very good time to bring it up and say "hey, I would like to have this discussion now, so we are all on the same page. Before mom died, I understood that you were planning to do X and Y – is that something that is going to change?" But this is your conversation to have with your father. And if you genuinely don't care (and won't in the future) then you don't have to do anything.

But it's not HIS concern. Even without the new wife none of the dad's estate would go to the husband. It would go to the wife. And if it doesn't concern her, it shouldn't concern him. It's not his money no matter what, so it's not his business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's being insensitive, but he's right about the will. Unless she's signed a prenup, she'll likely be entitled to at least 50% of his assets, as well as all of his retirement accounts. So if you were counting on that, forget about it.

Yes, just because husband is being a jerk about it, doesn't mean he's entirely wrong. It is a concern. And it can be awkward AF to discuss, and you can state that up front. If there are currently understandings in place about inheritance (whatever that may be), then now is a very good time to bring it up and say "hey, I would like to have this discussion now, so we are all on the same page. Before mom died, I understood that you were planning to do X and Y – is that something that is going to change?" But this is your conversation to have with your father. And if you genuinely don't care (and won't in the future) then you don't have to do anything.

I would not have this conversation. Your mother chose to leave everything to your father. That was her choice. And he will now choose what to do with it. I wouldn't put emotional pressure on him like this.

Absolutely disagree. It's a worthwhile conversation to have. And the dad will know that if he has effectively disinherited his children, he shouldn't expect a lot of financial help or other material assistance. I also don't put it past a lot of men to just not grasp the situation. They just think "Oh well, my kids will be protected" without actually bothering to take any steps to effectuate that.

[Anonymous]

Looks like OP is being more mature than the husband and most of the posters here.